Last night was definitly the worst night of my life. Cobi was very tired and I wanted to talk to her for the entire night, but she has work the next day and I guess I have to respect that. Well, last night since I had nothing to do, and what usually what happens when I have nothing to do is that I start to think about stuff. Usually about stuff like that hurts me or stuff that is going to hurt me in the future. Its kinda of weird. But last night I started to think about my girl friend did to me. I guess I started to think about it because I was on myspace and I went on the kids profile. I guess, I was curious if she had deleted the comment that she left him. I went on his profile and yup, its still there. When I saw it there, I thought to myself, does she not think it hurt me or something? Like don't you think she would delete the comment that she wrote the kid. Especially if she knows that what she wrote hurt me sooo much. Well, that was one of the things that I dwelled on last night. I also started to think about my future. In about a year, I will be leaving for college, either some college in Indiana or Illinois. I am not sure yet, but where ever I go, I know that I want to still be together with my girlfriend. She means so much to me! I know her dream school is in Michigan. I'm thinking the distance that is there. Thats at least a 3 hour drive. I want to be as close to her as possible. Like, right now, I live about 10 minutes away(driving) and and hour away(running). But 3 hours is alot. And what I am afraid is that she is going to meet someone else or some guy is going to make a move on her. That is my worst nightmare. I guess what made me think about this was that, I had a dream a couple of nights ago and the dream was about that she went back to her ex-boyfriend b/c she couldnt deal with my bullshit anymore. She went back with him and one day I showed up to her house and I walked into her house and I saw her and her ex-boyfriend making out on the bed. When I saw that, I felt like someone stabbed me in the back with a thousand knives. I left her house crying, All I wanted to do was leave Illinois and never ever come back. I woke up and I started to cry, I called my g/f to tell her but she was half awake and she had work the next day. She was really tired! I wanted to talk too her and all I wanted to hear from her is that everything is going to be okay. I wanted her to get that dream out of my head. You could say that one of my flaws is that, if something bad is going to happen to me or someone hurts me, I dwell on it and it takes me a long time to recover. And the worst part is that I feel really bad for my girl friend. Every time I get like this, she hates it and I try really hard to get better but it takes a while. She has to put up with this, all of my bull shit. I think one day is going to break up with me for that. Somethimes I think that she hates me so much and she no longer wants to put up with this, and she can just find another boy. Thats one good reason I cant living on with this weakness. To be honest with you, I have no idea to fix this. Like, how would you fix something like this, I have no idea. I guess the only thing that I could do is recovery as fast as possible. Lets just hope I can get over this as quick as possible.