watsup? i figure this is a great way to let off some steam, especially when my mom isn't able to talk to me.. i'm so tired of this "depression" stage, i mean WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE OVER! school work is seriously overwhelming me.. summer when by way too fast for me. i miss st.bonaventure and everything i had. it was amazing.. i miss my old friends and i'm so scared and afraid of the new ones.. i want to reinvent myself so bad but i odn't have the energy to do it.. but i want to jump out of my box again! i want to sing by i odn't feel like i'm ready and i feel like my piano skill SUCK. i don't know how to please everyone nad make whem all happy and like me.. i'm tired of oging through phazes, i just wanna relax and love and be and see and live the true me! i don't even know who that is and it feels as though it's impossible.. i miss having to call A@!#$%^^$ki&*( and playing our little games, i miss my teachers and i miss the life i had.. i loved it so much. i odn't know how to find the beauty in this school now when it can't find the beauty in me.. everyone's making friends faster then me and i feel like i'm stuck all alone in this hell whole. i don't know how to act who to be so i can STOP CHANGING and start living as me! i'm scared of the dark thoughts, and i'm so upset that i can't let music consume me with happiness and joy like it used to! i'm tired of not getting enough sleep and not feeling pretty enough or good enough anymore, i'm tired of feeling like i hvae to look good for guys anymore!!! i'm tired of not being able to take time for myself.. i'm sick of everyone having better social lives then me most of all i'm sad that i can't appreciate what i have right now, and i'm so scared that god will take my life and take it all away and i wouldn't've just let go like i could RIGHT NOW to make it all better.. i'm tired of living in my feelings, and in my head and in the past.. i'm just SO tired and i dont know how to stop it,, i'm scared to jump out and act like it's my last day.. i don't know why.. i'm tired of not being close to god, and feeling the connection i did before.. i miss that feeling of being curled in a ball and really completely loving myself.. i miss school and the drama and going through all the things i did.. im tired of thinking so much about EVERYTHING and being afraid of saying the wrong thing. i'm tired of living in FEAR and living in anywhere but the present.. i hurts to much tofeel as though you've lost your spirit, and have no way of knowing how to piece it back together..