i'm inside.. i'm read to come out.. how much longer shall i wait until i'm ready to come???? how long must it take to make it be released once again???? god save me! bring me to the light. and ignore the darkness. help me put it in the past.. where's the beauty i once saw inside me??? i want to belt it out!!! i want to know it inside me!! to know what to do with the conflictss you give me!!! can i really handle all the things you give... am i making a bigger deal outta this then it is? am i being stupid? or am i doing it correctly??? i want to see the beauty.. loook how i'm giving control to others to everyone else and not you? hwy do i trust those stpuid boys with the things i should trust within myself within you?? when CAN'T I SEE THE BEAUTY IN ME! why does everyone seem so content and so okay with themselves and not myself???? why does a girl such as myself . and girls such as myself { beautiful from within and without no matter the critiques ; talent ; something to offer ; your love } feel so ugly! why do i listen to what everyone else says??? what do i believe perceptions! why is everyone afraid to let it all out like me! who's right? who should i follow? how do i speak to make it right?? what do i do now to make it a happy ending!!!!!!!!!!! i'm staying away from sex! drugs! indulging in boys! no cutting! no suicide! i do none of that! i'm trying to look toward you but i'm scared .. why?? fear hurts me,, it tears my soul apart.. where is my soul?? is she here now! is she in this writing.. why am i steering away from all things evil and yet

I STILL SUFFER FROM WITHIN!
the hardest things is woman vs. self.. it's so hard.. it hurts.. does this ever go away? what do i read? what will fix it NOW? I'M SICK OF IT! i want it to be gone! why must i examine everythine to make it perfect! WHAT MISTAKES SHOULD I STEER CLEAR FROM????/ why does it hurt so much .. it hurts to feel alone.. as though your the only one in the world who will tell anyone she feels this way.. why this struggle? i have EVERYTHING EVERYONE WOULD WANT IN THIS WORLD. yet still i'm struggling with myself?? am i being selfish? am i being rude? mean? unappreciating.. i'm TRYING! but what to do???? i don't want to dissapoint you god!. help me please! i want to makeyou happy. what do i do?? i want to help myself.. i want to let myself shine. i want to be confident with people now! why do i feel as though i have the most to offer the world and yet no one else can see it? why do i want to dearly for everyone to see it???/ i'm tired of hearing about sex and "love" and fucking! THAT'S NOT LOVE but yet what is love.. do i really know what love is? DOES ANYONE REALLY KNOW WHAT LOVE IS?