Just this once, will he listen to what I have to say? Just this once, will he try and understand? Just this once, can he not get angry? After so many years of being the little voice, being over looked, stepped on, yelled at, and all that negativity. I'm tired of it. Grow up Control your emotions. Stop blaming things on me. Stop being so full of it. My so called friend do understand the way I think. I have to do all the understanding. I don't know ho much longer I can take. I want it all to end. I want it all to be over. If only I wasn't who I am. God, why do I put myself in such positions. >:(

One of the hardest things in my life is growing up. The thought of being independent is not my magical feeling, it scares me. I don't like to be alone, but I know in order to be a better person, I have to. So here I am, "independent" but even then I think I am no where near that. I still have a lot ahead of me. Ever since the big move, I can feel myself changing, in some days it's weaker, but I must over come that, the key is motivation to yourself. To never feel like nothing can put you down. Knocking on every door for that oppotunity to make that 360 change complete. Does that even make sense? All and all, I want to be a better person. :D

There are so many things, I am uncomfrotable with, just the fact, that I have to sit here, and do nothing. I cant believe half of the stuff I hear or see. I don't know whats going on. Just when things look alright, I just dont know anymore. Ah whatever, im just tired of everything, and I just don't know how to frikken go on with my own life. Well....I dont know. Guess I wont know until I start trying things. But what if things go wrong? sucks.

Another great victory yesterday by the Chargers, man I was stressin out so bad during that game. By halftime we were down by 2 points, and the team was getting really frustrated, we suffered through A LOT of penalties. Gah, I was getting mad. Yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs. Things were not lookin good. But then..dun dun...Halftime was over, and we turned the tables around. Lt scored touchdowns, Ahh it was so good. It was a good game, Cleveland put up a heck of a good fight. I think they are underestimated sometimes though...

Gahhhhhh Chargers vs the Rams!! Omg omg omg omg. So far so good, the score is 7-14 Chargers. Man oh man...Merriman got 2 sacks already! Wooo!! I dont care what you guys say about Merriman, he's still the best. <3333

Moo you son of a gun I didn't think you'd look here, i thought everyone had forgotten about it. lol. Gahhh my heart just pounded twice as fast. it was hard...lol I liked it.

Man I dont know whats wrong with me anymore. I really don't know how to handle some situations with myself. I wanna say things, but now, i'm afraid. i'm afraid, that i'll lose someone or something i love very much. I just wanna pour my heart and soul to someone, but not just God, someone, who will talk to me, someone who will understand. I dont know. It's really weird. I just want someone to hear me.

Purify my heart, let me be as gold. And precious silver. Purify my heart, lets it be as gold, pure gold. Refieners Fire. My hearts one desire, Is to be, holy. Set apart for you Lord. I choose to be, Holy. Set apart for you my Master Ready to do your will. Purify my heart, cleanse me from within' deep within

Fast lane, sane, insane this world is running And I'm walking with a cane Seek, seek you can be unique But whatever you do don't let your inside out But I've got to take a leak And I know You're alive And you know I will always try I could never care less about What this world has to offer if the price is to die I'll keep my human spirit alive Man I'm so weak Come on over here I'll let you have a peek Inside my heart cause you're the one I seek I know I'm slow but wherever I go I hear your steps echo And I know You're alive And I'll give my heart to survive This world has nothing to offer a human soul Reaching for the sky So Father of light Keep my human spirit alive Will I try to hide away in the secret space of my heart Will I try in time Will I try with my feet on the ground of shadows But my hands towards the light Will I try in time Your eyes Are always there Your eyes Are what I came for Your eyes Drive away my fear Your eyes I could just stand there and adore Stop just right there Everything has to stop to steal time For whom I want to be near Yes I do care and I love the love we share And I know You're alive I'll give my heart to survive This world has nothing to offer a human soul Reaching for the sky So Father of light Keep this human spirit alive Will I try... Seems there is nothing to remind me of peace down here So how come that all I feel is joy

[i]We March Like fools, in the parade of Chaos[/i] These words seem so true. Everyday, todays society march on like fools, not knowing what they are doing, we let the enemy contorl us and over power us, for shmae on us, allowing bad things to slowly becoming to be okie. What is this world coming to? [i]Led by our enemies, while we sing their prasies, while we kiss their hands[/i] Sorry but this song is really good and true in so many different ways.

Well today Is my Birsthday and im finally 18, oh I dread that number, but eh, life goes on. Yesterday, as a birthday present, my friend Johnny had bought me tickets to go to a Chargers football game, it was so much fun, we had really good seats, the only thing that was bad was the people sitting behind us. They kept telling us to sit down and how much the paid for their tickets, man were they annoying, but I had lots of fun, my bro and Johnny bought me a #56 jersey :]!!! (Sean Merriman) lol. It was all nice and powder blue, he's like my favorite player on the team now. A little later on, I was trying to get my jersery signed by him but it didnt happen, lol thats alright though, I saw him up pretty close, he had a really well built up body, I was surprised, later on we went to Katrinas dance practice, we were spinning and Johnny was feeling sick, im glad he didnt puke on me. haha, all and all, it was a good and long day. I am so blessed to have so many good friends. <333

Man, I hate this feeling i have right now. It bugs me so much, and 'm not sure what it is I'm feeling, but it just doesnt feel good, but music feels good. I don't understand to many things right now. I have put everything in Gods hands. He will lead me and guide me. I just hope and pray, that it will all be alright. Danggit.

So, im here at college, doing...nothing. yeah i was gonna write something "epic" in here, but uh, decided not to because!!!! I dont feel comfortable talking about it, or typig it here. peace out.

Yep yep, I start school pretty coon, August 14th. I can't help but feel a little nervous about it though. But eh, it's good that im gonna start all new agin. So far Im gonna be in school from the hours of 8:00 am -3:50 pm. Whoo huh? I'm only taking Math, English and Art. I was hoping to get into a piano class, but it seems like all the classses have been filled, theres not even an option for the wait list, it was a total bummer. But I don't think I would be able to even take the class, a lot of things happen during Saturday. Yep, I went to the high school today, I saw a lot of people, it's funny but kinda sad, I wont see them as much as I use too, wah. Moo went to go, er was SUPPOSE to go and get his transcript and Diploma but yeah he didn't. The school is so hectic right now, so many people need help with fixing their class, and what not. I feel sorry for them, cuz i was talking to my friend Bubba, and he had a mess in his sceduele. Well Good luck to those in high School and to those who graduated and are now going to college. <3333

Man, i hate this feeling, I 've done so much and now i feel totally drained. *sigh*

My firend online finally got his internet back, after so long long. now we are talking again..hooray, im glad i love my friends! ^_^

Theres a lot of things you dont know about me.

Hooray sit diary works again!!! School is out for me, Im so glad, now its time to get serious in college, but im scared of growing up. I have been going crazy lately, June 3 was graduation, it was really, really...HOT we were all standing there for so long i think my brain melted...ah well it was fun, people got all hyped up, we couldnt here anything that the people were saying, it was crazy, balloons were being thrown and condoms...beach balls, and even water ballons, no one was payng any attention, but i wish i could at least here my friends speech. There was gonna be a big fight, i dont know if it ever happened but oh well. I sat next to Wes and Berto call (Eeeee!) So I got to talk to berto for like half of the time er something, it was funny, I yelled out "shut up I'm on the phone!" Good times Good times. Moo and anel were there, i was so happy. Anel got me flowers and board shorts. And moo, well he was just there lol. We went out to eat at Chilis and then went out to shop at Fashion Bug...Next day was our churchs 40th anniversery festival. It was fun, I had a good time, talked to K-lee during the end. After that went to Les and Daisys hous to go swimming, its all to good to be true...but if only i could see someone sooner...well thats fate for ya...anyways, tomorrow Johnny is taking me out to Mooliguns (sp?) Hahaha its gona be fun I know it! -Huwee

Listening to Spanish Caravan is a beautiful sound. I wanna be in a band, but I'm no good. I wish I could play the guitar better, I'm to ignorant to have someone show me. lalalalalalalala im really really really... b-o-r-e-d Have a nice day.

Today I woke up around 11ish, ate breakast and after that I cleaned like no tomorrow... I putt away dishes, washed them, facumed the whole floor, mopped, did laundry, cleaned the bathrooms. man that bathrrom, it was so disgusting...but yeah I felt good. During all this I realized...hey, its april fools day! Hahaha, and my friends birthday. Sammy was pretty mean, he got my hopes up. while i was cleaning, he said Berto called. Hahaha I was all excitied and then I was like, oh yeah its April fools day...and he just gave me this smirk and yeah it was. Lol i felt so stupid, yeah like Berto would call me. But then he did end up calling, to bad i was still cleaning, hahahaha.{I'm glad I didnt pick up, cause I later on in the day heard he was doing a prank about him being at the hospital, i would have been able to take that and I probably would have ended up crying or like in disgust or something, LOL} I tried calling back twice. No answer. It sucked, I layed there and thought. Then just did some more stuff, before I know it, We get ready to go see Ice Age 2. First we went to go eat In N out...mm yummy, and yeah the movie was good, funny but not as funny as the first one. We went to wal mart to pick up some pet supplies, while in wal mart I was looking at all the art stuff with Izzy, the lil ol worker lady hoverd around us like hawks man, ver discriminating ya know? Hahaha so i saw these oil pastels, and i wanted to look at em so i kinda look around and tell isabel to watch my back, I was unrapping them and bam the lady swooped in and was like "Dont unwrap that please" Meh, I said okie and sorry put em back and looked around some more. The lady was like, I dont "organizing" things around And i just kept looking. Daniel came in and was asking me all different kinds of questions on whats what, cute kid. He starts looking at the sprays and shakes em around, hahaha another lady came in and got all no touchy on that and like organized em again. The anel called, she was at the show, oh how i wanted to go to facedown fest! She was like, yeah Im two steppin for you, and harder. That made me happy, I told her to punch some scene kid er something or kick em. hee hee. I moved on to another asile and Me and Izzy had already gotten the vibe that we werent wanted there, but then the lady comes to that asile to see what were are doing, man it got annoying...so we just left. It was great, I had a good day. ~~~~~~~~~ I forgot, Manny told me about thi new catholic band called Heros Die Trying. They sounded pretty good, I liked em and Wanna go see them soon, pretty excited about them. :P Well Im done, laters