what's it been, two whole years? a year and a half? i'm not exactly sure what compelled me to login to this diary and write in it. somehow, for a short time, i got caught up in reading the old entries of friends and became a bit nostalgic... or was reminiscing, at least. i went through and deleted all the old entries in this diary, and sometimes i wish i weren't so jumpy at the idea of erasing my past. it's kind of cool down the road, say about two years down the road, to go back and read through old entries and be like "holy shit... it wasn't a dream!" maybe it's just me though. i've grown a lot. i'm still stuck in the limbo between reality and dreams, and boredom. oh, how my life is and has been boring. well, i guess not so boring one could say, but not very eventful in the types of events i could possibly be looking for. where shall i start?? june 2006 is a good place. at the beginning of june, merely days after graduating, i packed my bags and came to lincoln park with my sister and her boyfriend at the time. what was supposed to be a temporary vacation of sorts -- after spending months upon months claiming i was going to stay in roscommon until the end of the summer -- became a permanent living situation. i got a lame excuse for a full-time job at mcdonalds. i had met a guy through my cousin who at the time, i thought was "great"-- shortly thereafter, two weeks went by without any communication between us whatsoever, and i gave up on him and moved on... to the hot manager at mcdonald's. his name was joe, and he was a tattooed, brown-eyed, skinny vision of perfection... with the self-esteem of a high school dropout... perhaps because he was a high school dropout, perhaps because he just didn't want to see it any other way. i was crazy about joe from the moment i saw him, but it was wierd as hell for me... because he was the kind of guy that made me feel like i was in high school again, the beginning years... the hot guy who i would like, but would never like me in return (and i wouldn't blame that guy... i was very awkward at 14 and 15). there was a reason i felt that way though, as i soon found out... joe treated his personal relationships like high school relationships; for a 21-year-old, i guess things hadn't changed for him. from the way he clarified our status, to the way he broke up with me, to his lack of communication skills and lack of desire to communicate in the first place. things ended almost as quickly as they began (but that's alright... the sex wasn't that great. as is with any guy with a negative confidence level.) he broke up with me after passing a horrendous cold/virus on to me, immediately after i had pierced my septum. so no only was i constantly sporting a mucus-encrusted septum ring, i was also sick as hell, unnattractive as hell, and depressed --- about the breakup, and the fact that someone with so much potential, such as joe, had to be so... lost. so from there on, time now being the end of july (didn't i mention he broke up with me the night before his birthday? for some reason, i'll be remembering his birthday now....) i met the anarchist, free-spirit, punk-rocker intellect guy; with whom i enjoyed spending my time. *TO BE CONTINUED*

i am *almost* out of this town and i can feel it this town sucks beyond all that could... i want summer. i want to go to the u.p. to the cabins. this time, it'll be different. i'm not crazy, i'm just living. i'm going to find that huge field, and i'm going to run through it. i'm going to run through it, until i'm out of breath. until i've fulfilled my drive to even do so in the first place.

what deja-vu. this background pic is from the little coffee shop my dad and i used to go to when i was little...in taylor. so when i went there with him over christmas break last year, i took this picture and a few more. you wouldn't believe how many people said they could remember me when i was "this big" *holds hand up about 3-4 feet from ground*!! i mean, who'd have guessed that those same people, who were regulars at the coffee shop when i was five years old, would still be regulars to this day. yet alone, still live in taylor! i like the way this looks though, i think i may have to keep it this way for a while.