I have a new SitDiary. It is irockhardcore. It is on my friends list. If you have a comment for this site, comment my other one. Thank you! my livejournal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/feariemagic7/ my myspace: http://myspace.com/kimmi_7 my vampirefreaks account: http://vampirefreaks.com/profile.php?user=punkvampire69 aim: bloodravn7 email: liltwistedfreak77@yahoo.com Add me!! I love friends!

haha, hell yeah baby, I feel harcore! I can't wait from next friday! 8 DAYS BITCHES! lmao We went to the mall and I got to short skirts and a fishnet long sleeve blood red shirt and a halter top that is a corset. It is HOT! Well,Yeah, got some hippie shirts today at the local mall in town. Very cool. And I saw this wicked cute and nice guy at the pet store bc me and Roman wante dto see the cats. So this cute guy who seemed to be about 17 was talking to me and he was sweet, lol. Then Carrie and I left and I told her about him while we were walking out of the mall and guess what she does?!?! She makes me walk back to the damn pet store to ask him out...she was going to make me ask him if he wanted to hang out sometime! OMG! It was SO embarassing! lmao, thank GOD he and his mother had already left the store by the time we got there, lmao. But ehh, whatever, I am not good with meeting new ppl unless it is through the internet, lmao. On myspace I have made a ton of friends in Auburn, NY. Well, I gotta go my lovely ones! I fucking love the monkey fuck out of yo.U.!!

wow, my tattoo hurt like a BITCH! A tattoo on my lower back, my first one, and to someone who can't take physical pain too well, think I took it pretty well!!!! Here it is! And remember, this is only the beginning! When the colours are brighter and it is down healing, I will get more pictures. Zach got his done too. Here it is: He designed it himself. my pictures: http://photobucket.com/albums/b18/bloodraven7/ my lj: http://www.livejournal.com/users/feariemagic7/ my myspace: http://myspace.com/kimmi_7 vf: http://vampirefreaks.com/profile.php?user=punkvampire69 my other SitD: http://www.sitdiary.net/irockhardcore/ aim: bloodravn7 email: liltwistedfreak77@yahoo.com Add me!! Well, I am off to eat! I love yo.U. Brandi Rose!!!

yeah, I fuckin rock!! my pictures: http://photobucket.com/albums/b18/bloodraven7/ my lj: http://www.livejournal.com/users/feariemagic7/ my myspace: http://myspace.com/kimmi_7 vf: http://vampirefreaks.com/profile.php?user=punkvampire69 my other SitD: http://www.sitdiary.net/irockhardcore/ aim: bloodravn7 email: liltwistedfreak77@yahoo.com Add me!! I love friends!!!

Your Ca-Ca-Callin' But I Can't Hear You And I Dream About You All The Time Sorry, I am listening to music, haha. OMG! Last night Dusten's dads took me him and one of their friends out to the musical theater and we watched the Damn Yankees, haha, it was SO beautiful. One of the main characters, Joe Hearty, had SUCH an amazing voice!!! SO deep, SO beautiful! It was a great production! And we spent the night watching TV and take a ton of fun, stupid, wild pictures. He is sending them to me later today so I will post some because we took over 50 pictures, lmao! I will prolly end up posting most of them! I think I a going to start a photobucket thingy....hmmm.. It was a lot of fun. And we went to sleep with him holding me. His bed is comfy! haha. I had a bunch of fun! My Pictures: My Hot Belly and my belly button ring! I am going to eat yo.U.! My new hair Me and Dusten. This was the first picture we took last night! My new hair, ya like? This is Allen, one of Dusten's dads. He is SO sweet! His guitar is F*U*N! I am SO hot right now! HAHAHAHA! I think I may love yo.U. Haha, 007 style baby! Cute tattoo, and I think he has a cute back too, hahaha He was SO shy B4 I met him! And yeah, that is my shirt! That scarf...yeah, I SO made that!!!! There will be more at a later time!

Add this lovely little lady, for she isLEANMEANAND SHE ROCKS IT HARDCORE! My tato is going great and so are all my piercings. CAll my mom and she is getitng the papers. I made a ton of friends in NY and on myspace and LJ and SitD. Good night!

Yeah, I have lost a lot of weight, well, it isn't a lot but for me and my body, it is a lot. I don't know how much I currently weigh but you can see and really feel my ribs...kind of sucks, but whatever. Found out today that my mom wanted me to move out, whatever to her. I feel so hurt by somethings I have found out last night... Oh yeah,a nd why the hell do people have phones if they NEVER pick up? lmao, I called about...7 people last night and ONE answered their phone, lmao, oh well...it is okay...good thing I didn't need anything, lmao, oh well. Yeah, I am back in NY now, STILL haven't slept really, and my back is effin killing me. I have written almost everything that I have done in my written journal, I am glad to, lol. I fuckin RoCk!!!! Anyways, I can't help but feel....ugly...haha, I am skinnier, my ribs are easier to see and feel (so I have been told) but I feel fatter...I hate my body, why can't I just get over this? I can't get over anything..errr, haha, I am so fucked up..."I'm Lovin' It" Haha, if you go on my myspace site and look at my pictures, yeah, I was happy then. DUDE! Mike F offered for me to live with him. He asked his mom and everything and they talked about it and she said fine! haha, that would ROCK if I could do that! I thought his mom hated me bc when Mike and I were dating I would swear a lot and she said to him after they dropped me off one night that she diliked me, lmao. ROCK OUT!

Okay, I am staying in NY for my senior year and probably college. I found out that my mom said something about me that is fucking bullshit. And this isn't the first fucking time....I fucking want to cut SO bad, but I talked to Bob and Carrie, and they say they are happy when I am here, that things just fit with me here. And that I would be a WAY happier perosn here and they are right. I can't stay in that house anymore. I fucking hate myself and my fucking life, but I am SO thankful for the friends that I have! I love yall SO freaking much! And this friday we are leaving for mass and we are coming back on the second monday from now. Yehaw, lol. I don't want to see my mom at fucking all. She has fucking broke my last fucking nerve I had with her. I love her but I can NOT and WILL not take her shit, her lieing, her yelling...whatever, no one reads this and n one neds to know. later days

I don't fucking cut,a nd I don't fucking cry. I am not a slut or a fucking whore and it doesn't piss me off because you are little bitches that aren't worth my fucking time. Oh well. And that was a fucking joke about the hardcore thing, I was just hyper. And it is an inside joke with me and someone who reads this. And yeah, I do actually have friends. Wow you guys are fucking pathetic. Haha, I like how you think all this shit is bothering me. It was at firs, but now...haha, I couldn't care less. Anyways: Today Carrie and I are going for a walk with Roman and checking out the local thrift stores for hippie things and old sweaters so we can pull the sweaters apart and use the yarn to make things. It is fun. I hope Lucia gets better, she starved herself so much that she went to the hospital. I love her SO much, I hope she gets better soon. I can't wait to see her! And we are leaving to go back to Mass Friday. And thursday I get to see Cai so I can get my phone back, awesome! Well, gotta go.

I wasn't trying to convince anyone anything. And I don't give a shit what you or your stupid bitchy friend have to say anymore. Whatever. I rock hardcore. I love you Sarah! PS-I am not a whore, whores have sex with a lot of people. I don't. Sorry, but your going to have to find a new insult because that one ain't working bitch.

I feel talkative but MEGA tired so I am going to go to bed. Good night everyone and thanks for talking with me! YALL ROCK HARDCORE!!!!

Yes, I feel pathetic because I rock.. Okay, so I am SO mega bored and un-tired that I made a new entry JUST for the hell of it. Love how I just made three new friends, and *yoU* say I don't have friends, ppsshhh... I ROCK HARDCORE BITCH! Oh yeah, and I got my first letter from Any M. He is a sweetie! And I got a long heart-felt email from Alex...no friends...what a lie...

I feel happy yet broken. But that is how life is I guess. I will still update once in a while here. I love all my friends (yes I have many) Yall rock -me

My heart fades to black and turns to stone at the sight of you-Yet I love you so Okay, well this is going to be the last entry for a bit. I am going to write here once a week, maybe more, like if it is more than it is probably one a quiz or something out of boredom. This will motivate me to update my written journal. That is the main reason. also because no one comments so I don't think anyone reads this, so it is semi-pointless to type it all. I don't really mind the no comments though, lol. Today I have been really happy but I felt like crying. Like their has been a knot in my throat all day and earlier tears were welling up in my eyes, but of course, they never fall. I rarely cry. Some say it is unhealthy but so is a lot of other things I do, so I guess it fits me, lol. I fucking hate people. I mean how the fuck can you say such hurtful things to someone you don't even fucking know? How can you speak to someone with such fucking hatred like that? I don't get people, and ppl fucking wodner why I have a trust problem and why I fucking cut! Fuck everybody okay, what the fuck ever.

I got home at 10:30. today was a lot of fun. I got to hang out with Dusten all day, well most of the day. Then we went back to his house and I got to FINALLY see his house. Then he took me to his and his friend's *s*e*c*r*e*t s*p*o*t, lol. They are going to build a house (so they dream) and it was fun, till we started to be eaten alive, lol. But that is okay, and I found out he is dating this girl named Sam. that is good for him, he is painfully shy around girls., I remember when we first met, our first Rites, it was A LOT of fun, and I remember how quite he was! Anyways, I gauged my ears, they are up to an eight. They still kind of hurt, but oh well. I kind of liked it. I have noticed that ever since I stopped cutting, anything that hurts physically, seems to lift up my spirits a little, like, I like the pain, I am SO messed up, so gauging my ears hurt (which I hate) but then again I liked the pain, made me feel real I guess. I am in a weird mood today. :/ Well, I got home later than we planned so Dusten is spending the night since he doesn't really like drivng at night.. so he is sleeping on the couch. Right now he is watching Austin Powers-Goldmember, lol. We aren't having the tag sale tomorrow because it is suppose to rain tomorrow. oh well, this means that I don't have to get up at 7 am..that is CRAZY talk! I really like Sarah still! And I told her about what Cai and I did and she seemed fine with it, but then again you can hide voice tones and body language and facial expressions when online. I wonder if she still likes me? I kind of hope so. I also miss Cai though, like I haven't sent him an email or anything because I don't want to get annoying. Whenever a relationship deepens with me, I tend to be REALLY self-concious, like I always feel like a bore or a bother and I feel that I get annoying even by saying hello. People tell me that I am not, but I guess I am just paranoid. :/ hmm.. love always- -me

Hey, I am in a better mood today, actually, I am in a GREAT mood. Last night Carrie and I did some healing work and it made me realize somethings that I knew but didn't pay any attention too. So yeah, as I have said before, coming here helps me immensely. So yeah, today I went to the library with Carrie and Roman. Then Carrie left for work so I had to take care of Roman. But when we got home I danced him to sleep and he fell asleep in my arms, so for an hour, I was either walking/dancing/or sitting with him in my arms sleeping. then we had lunch and Carrie came home. Then we went next door so Roman can play and Carrie and I were knitting. She is helping me make this really cool looking shirt but I am making a few moderations to it from the book. It is going to be wicked cool. I am always ordering some more yarn offline. I am also going to be making arm warmers and I am dying the yarn for them myself! WICKED FUN! I have been thinking a lot about death lately. It scares me yet fascinates me. Not that I actually want to die, just thought I should write down that I have been thinking about it more. Lol, I am SO messed up! I have also been thinking about mainly these two people. They are constantly on my mind, well if you include Brandi than three people are always on my mind. I am not obsessed but I can't stop thinking about them or remembering them really. Wish I could be with two out of the three. hmmm, what to say..OH YEAH! I am going to to movies tomorrow with my wonderful Dusten! He wasn't able to go to Rites but now I only live an hour away from him! So he is taking me to the movies, rock out! It will be fun. And you know what sucks?! Trey likes me! NNNOOOOO!!! I like other people, NOT HIM! I wish the people I liked could like me back, well one of them really, lol. I mean I still like Cai, it is just, he is kind of far away from me...oh well. But I am not...don't know how to say it...oh well, I know what I am trying to say, lol. Anyways-How is everyone doing? I hope everything is great! Well, I am outtie! PEACE! Pick ONE word from each pair that you think describes me the best...leave it in the comments. Then copy this and post it in your own journal to see how your friends view you... * dominant or submissive * logical or intuitive * social or loner * kinky or vanilla * cute or sophisticated * kitten or puppy * warm flannel sheets or sleek satin * leader or follower * quiet or talkative * spontaneous or planned * teddy bear or porcelain doll * hiking or window shopping * coffee or tea * top or bottom * barefoot or shoes * jeans or slacks * tender or rough * aware or dreamy * nerd or jock -me PS-To Get To Know Me 1. What time is it? 9:01 pm 2.Name as appears on birth certificate: Kimberly Ann Quinn 3. Nickname(s): Kimmi, Kimba, Miki, Kimber, and probably a lot of others 4. Parents names: Amy and Angel 5. Single or taken? single..in a way 6. Chinese zodiac: Dragon! 7. Hair color: going to be dark brown soon 8. Eye color: hazelish green I think 9. Height: 5'4" 10. Shoe size: 9-ish 11. Glasses or contacts or neither? neither 12. Braces? no 13. Piercing/tattoos? belly ring, cardalidge, and soon two industrials and a random second hole on my right ear. 14. Birthplace: Atlanta, Ga 15. Current residence: Sturbridge, ma but at the precise moment-Auburn, NY 16. Siblings name and their ages: Andrew-16, Eric-12, Amanda-5 ******HAVE YOU EVER****** 17. Gone skinny dipping? When I was a kid 18. Been drunk? yes 20. Smoked a cigarette? yes 21. Skipped school? yes 22. Bungee jumped: nope 23. Kissed someone not related to you? yes 24. Kissed someone of the same sex not related to you? yes 25. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend? yes 26. Kissed? yes 27. TP'd someone's house? Don't think so 28. Won something? Yes 29. Asked someone out? no 30. Been rejected? yes 31. Been in love? Yes 32. Been to a funeral? yes 33. Used a lighter? Yes 34. Been on stage? yes ******FAVORITE****** 35. Food: mexican 36. Ice cream flavor: peanut butter fudge 37. Drink: sprite 38. School subject(s): CAD 39. Breakfast cereal: Cheerios I guess 40. Number(s): 7 & 13..and I like 21 (only odd numbers) 41. Book(s): Harry Potter and Lireal series 42. Movies: and horror and old movie and most comedy 43. Candy: dark chocolate 44. Soda: sprite 45. Color: black, silver, green, blue, bright orange, and all bright neon colours! 46. Vacation spot: I don't know..WAIT New Hampshire! 47. Sport to watch on t.v.: soccer...and sometimes baseball 48. Sport to play: soccer and volleyball 50. Letter: a? 51. Fast food restaurant: subway...or Taco Bell. 52. Cartoon character: Jack the Pumpkin King!!! 53. Holiday: Samhain 54. Name for a boy: idk.. 55. Name for a girl: stil don't know ******DO YOU PREFER****** 56. Chocolate or vanilla ice cream? chocolate all the effin way!!! 57. Boys or girls: both! But if I had to pick...guys :/ 58. Long relationships or one night stands? long relationships! 59. Dogs or cats? cats most of the time 60 Scary movies or comedies? scary 61. Silver or gold? silver 62 Croutons or bacon bits? croutons ******THINGS THAT COME TO MIND****** 63. Doctor: surgery 64. Hedgehog: Sonic the Hedgehog! 65. School: Friends 66. Grass: Rites (only bc of Sarah S!) 67. Cow: Spots and MMOOOOO!!! 68. Canada: free medical insurance and drinking age is 18 baby! 69. Mouse: cats 70. Hand: typing? ******THE PAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU****** 71. Watched a movie? yes 72. Talked on the phone? yes 73. Cried? nope 74. Threw up? nope 75. Drank a glass of water? yes 76. Gone to the bathroom? yes 77. Read a book or magazine? yes 78. Watched tv? yes 79. Looked in the mirror? yes :/ 80. Taken a shower? yes 81. Taken a picture? Nope 82. Listened to music? yes 83. Hugged or kissed someone? yes 84. Done your hw? no, I need 2 read a book 85. Told someone you loved them? yes ***DO YOU BELIEVE IN....****** 86. Heaven? nope 88. Aliens? umm, yeah, too much universe for only us! 89. Fun for the entire family? whatever 90. Freedom of speech? fuck yes 91. Love? yes 92. Magic? yes *******SOME RANDOM STUFF****** 93. Last movie you saw in theatres? I don't remember..WAIT, it was the hitchhikers guide the the galaxy with my lovely Alex A. 94. Are you listening to music right now? in my head, does that count? lol 95. What color shirt are you wearing? white 96. Do you like your middle name? I guess, it is kind of boring though 97. What is the best thing since sliced bread? a bed! lol 98. What color is your backpack? my bag(actually a really big purse) is tan 99. Are you gonna send this to your crush? no 100. Who is your crush? uumm..::blushes:: Sarah C and I guess you can consider Cai a crush too... 101. What time is it now? 9:16 Another One because of Boredom-Yes, yell at me for stealing it, I was fucking bored, oh well. 1. PICK ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? I have three scars on my right leg all from me, most of them are... :( 2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? Pictures 3. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? whatever i feel like at the time, rock, punk, emo...i dunno, lots of stuff 4. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? 6:31 am 5. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? i dunno, i want alot of things-mainly to see all my friends from Rites all at the same time..right now! lol. 6. WHAT DO YOU MISS AT TIMES? people..and having money, lol 7. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? My life...but as in objects..my computer, lol, or my jewelry...unless I can pick people then I choose my friends, lol 8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? sage 9. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? not usually 10. IF YOU DIED TOMORROW? i hope i go out with a bang 11. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? Brandi..or myself, can't remember right now. 12. What is your favorite cologne/perfume? Axe 13. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? emo or skater hair or long hair in an emo way tehehe ::drools:: 14. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT? i dunno...i wouldn't want it to be in one of those fancy resturants like they do in the movies though...thats not my sorta thing... 15. DO YOU LIKE PORN? I guess... 16. WHAT ARE YOUR FIVE FAVORITE MOVIES? Rocky Horror!! and Clue and the Sound of Music, haha, and anything scary 17. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF GOING FOR YOUR HONEYMOON? i dont know...but i think id like to go somewhere exotic 18. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD? Brandi 19. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE? i know a bit of spanish 20. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX..WHO WASN"T RELATED TO YOU)? umm, a couple of things from my Bday. I got a ring from Alex A with lizards on it and I love it and clorox bleach pen from Andy M (inside joke) 21. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SINGER(s)? ville valo, gerard way, & bert mccraken 22. FAVORITE BAND(s)? umm...ill spare you all and just put my 3 favorites: My chemical Romance, HIM, and The Used 23. WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ? whatever catches my eye and has a great plot, a lot of fiction I guess, stuff about magic and fantasy things 24. FAVORITE DESSERT: ice cream or apple pie, lol 25. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE? Lots of sugar in it, lol, I am a sugar FREAK! 26. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PHRASE ? Wicked Hot or Hun 27. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? It would be hard 28. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? well...i suppose to tell them...but you gotta do it at the right time, and try to be cute about it 29. SAY A NUMBER FROM 1 TO 100? 7! 13! 21! 30. BLONDES, REDHEADS OR BRUNETTES? Any, hair colour doesn't make a person 31. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? certain people and their effin bullshit 32. HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Not that I remember 33 WHO IS YOUR CURRENT CRUSH? as I said, Sarah C and Cai 34. WHAT IS YOUR WORST FEAR? dying alone and a painfully slow death 35. SAY SOMETHING TO SOMEONE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN/TALKED TO IN AWHILE: Hey Greg and Christina, I miss yall down in Ga, hope to see yal SOON! 36. HAVE YOU EVER SAID "I LOVE YOU" AND NOT MEANT IT? No, not that some people believe me but ehh, their problem. 37. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS SURVEY? filling out another one and getting pissed/depressed over things that Brandi has written 38. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD IT BE? A smaller effing ASS!

I wonder if she likes me? She never really answered me... I can't get her off my mind.. I think I am in love again...well, not true love just..lusting over someone..lol. This is how I feel after argueing with y.o.U. http://myspace-149.vo.llnwd.net/00142/94/11/142221149_l.jpg By the way, that isn't my picture, wasn't trying to pass it as my own, I was stating that that is how I fucking feel..and for a fucking reason too! not that anyone actually fucking gives a shit but whatever... What ever. F.u.c.k. T.h.i.s. S.h.i.t. Peace out- -kimmi

We got home last night at about 11:40 and I went to bed about 12:50. I slept rather okay last night but after the sun was up I started to constantly wake up. So at 9ish I just got up and took a shower. I miss it here, this house is so wonderful and so full of energy. I love this house. And it is really big so it is fun to just walk around in it, lmao. Dusten called me today. I was on the phone a little while ago with him. I haven't talked to him in a couple of months, not even an email. I was happy to talk to him, even though he calls then says nothing, lol. but that is okay. I am going to go to his house sometime soon. I am not sure when, but all he has to do is fix his car and he is going to come over and pick me up. I have never been to his house. I have seen pictures and stuff but yeah, not the same. Can't wait. Hold up, have to go eat... Okay, lol. I had homemade pizza, I absolutely LOVE pizza! It is one of my favourite things to eat! Okay, enough with the pointless crap... I have moved out of the shadows of nervousness, the clouds of anxiety have moved on and the bright sun of a hopeful future is on my back. I am happy about this. Today, I went to Marshall's to help Carrie pick out sheets from Roman's new bed. I was going to get some jeans but I told Carrie not to worry about it. That I will get them some other time. They (Bob and Carrie) say that I am a full fledged family member so I get all the good and the bad. Such as I get a bit more responsibility and chores but I also get an allowance, lol. It isn't much, only 20 bucks a week but ehh, I don't care. And they are not allowing me to send it to my mom (thank god), but I am going to save half of it and give it to my mom when I get back home. She will need it. I hope we don't loose the car, that is the worst (almost) thing that can happen to her right now. I am allergic to this necklace that my friend gave me and I wore it to bed one night so now I have this ring of a rash on my chest (I think I already wrote this down). But it is still pretty itchy, lol. July 15th I am going back to Ware. I hope Carrie will be willing to drive me over to see my family. I need to pick up a couple of things and I want to say happy birthday to my brother and mom. My mom's birthday is the 25th. Kind of cool, she is turning...39....yeah, that is it, 39, lol. I almost for got for a moment. I am still kind of depressed for some reason, I think it is because I don't do very well around people I don't know, especially if I am not being my normal talkative self. So since I don't know anyone up here, I have no one to talk to. It is kind of boring but it is better than my house, I don't have to ask for so much, I can just do it. ROCK OUT! I miss her. This is killing me, she sent me a comment and she isn't mad at me, but I want to know if she still likes me (Sarah C). But even if she does, it wouldn't matter, I am here and she is there. And I also miss...well, everyone at Rites and some people from school...actually, to tell you the truth, I only miss two people at my school. Like if it wasn't for Andy and Alex and Sarah C at my school, I would move in with Bob and Carrie permanently. They want me to stay for my senior year, and I would except I have three people back home that I would miss, not including my sister and the rest of my family. And I would be even farther from everyone from Rites. And I also like my CAD program at my school, it is good. Well, I might write more later, I am stopping myself before I say something I don't want to... Peace out With Love- -kimmi

Hey, Right now Carrie is rubbing my back...okay, she stopped, lol. Anyways, today was good. I went to North Hampton and I was looking at yarn for an hour and a half with Carrie and Roman. It was interesting for a bit, but then I got bored, lol. But there was tons of pretty fabric and I was with people I love so I trully didn't mind. I had macaroni and cheese for lunch, thought yall should know that! YES! I ROCK! I can't believe someone actually read the qhole thing thrue, my last entry, lol. Two people actually did! I feel special! lol, but I figured Jeff would. Oh hey, I notice that everyone is using their LJ names instead of their real names, I am sorry if I offended anyone. If yall want, I will change mine...just comment if you want your LJ name or if you don't mind your real name being up. Anyways.. Everyday, I wait, I wait for it to arrive, I await in the shadows of nervousness, I await, not knowing what is going to happen, I await in pain. So tonight we are leaving Ware and going to NY. I can't wait. I will be happy for a change. Just being around Bob and Carrie is uplifting. We three just fit together. I love it! Last night I didn't sleep again. I went to bed at 2 and was still really not that tired. But by three I was out. Roman woke me up at 8:30 by pulling my hair and lips, lmao. I have also been having rather weird/interesting/odd dreams when I actually do get to sleep. But that is okay, I love the unrealistic ways of my dreams, they make me smile...most of them, cept my suicidal ones, they are...satisfying (sp?) in other ways... I have to call Cai sometime to try to hang out and shit. Bob, Carrie, Roman (their son by the way), and I are going camping and stuff and they are going to Salem as one of their stops to camp (did I mention how much I HATE camping?). And I need my phone back and I would love to see him. So yeah, got his number today, probably gonna call him sometime this weekend. Maybe Monday, if I ever remember to. Even though I am happy bc I am out of my house and with Bob and Carrie, I feel as though I am dieing on the inside, something is wrong, saomething is possibly missing. From what, I don't know, what is it, no clue. I really don't know what is wrong with me. I mean I should be MEGA happy bc I am out of my house for the WHOLE effin summer but..eerrrmmm....AAARRGGHH! WTF! What is wrong with me, why do I ALWAYS feel depressed (and hungry-lol). Okay, I am going to try to be happy. I wasn't suppose to make this long...errr. See ya! -kimmi -miki -kimba

June 29th, 205-Wednesday-All You Want Is The World To Bleed (Atreyu) God...I can't take this shit in life anymore. This morning, I woke up really hyper and in a great mood. I was in a good mood all day. I was researching and taking notes on Wicca and have been getting along with my brothers (for once) while my mom was at work and school. I was even okay when my mom and Amanda got home. It was on the ride to Bill's (my councilor) that I "started to become a bitch". My mom stopped at Roland's (a friend of hers) and the s*** hit the fan. Amanda has been SUCH a brat to me for the past....about the past month really. So I am not taking her talking back and attitude anymore. So she started to become a brat to me while my mom wasn't in the car so I started to get bitchy. She shut up when my mom got back in the care. Then we stopped at CVS. Mom and Eric went inside while Amanda, Andrew, and I stayed. Amanda started whining and crying because she couldn't go in. So I told her to stop and she was back to being a brat. Andrew calmed her down for me (thank god) but then she told me she wasn't going to talk to me, then she said she didn't like me. So I told her good, I don't want her to like me, I don't want anyone to like me, I actually want everyone to hate me so when I die no one will care. So she said she hated me and that I was dumb and ugly and a hole bunch of other things. So I told her I wasn't going to talk to her anymore so she kept calling me names. So after the past couple of weeks that I had, this kind of hurt....her saying she hated me. I can't stand when someone tells me they hate me, especially when I love them (take Brandi for example) so yeah...But I guess I kind of asked for it. Anyways...then we got to Bill's and I talked to him about some things (a lot-almost everything) that has been on my mind since school ended and I was feeling better because I was getting feedback from someone, not an attitude from my mother and sister and not being made fun of by my brothers, and it wasn't in my head (meaning me pondering on it) with all my bad thoughts. Then I come out of his office and try to talk to my mom and that doesn't effing work. She gives me an effing attitude (as always) so I went out to the car to wait till we left. Ever since school ended (and by the way-I missed the last day-lol), I haven't slept, like at all and I have been really agitated and easily irritated. So me and my mom have been fighting and me and my sister have been fighting. So I sit on the computer in my living room all day and type up things and read my Pagan books and take notes and I am learning, lol. So that way, I am not paying any attention to anyone so me and other people don't fight. God, I just have so many things on my mind lately. Here is a list: college, Rites friends, Cai and boyfriends, money, jobs, Andy, Alex, school, Bob and Carrie, my family, my eating, my sleeping, Magick, my summer, my future, old friends, Brandi, house bills, my past, jewelry making, court and Joel, and others that I can't think of right now. Later: Okay, so, wow, We got home a little while ago and....my mom wants me to call Carrie and see if she can meet her half way so I can go to NY sooner. That is good yet bad at the same time. This means that the plans I have made with Andy are ruined. We had a day that we were going to hang out, all day, just the two of us. Kind of like a goodbye day from him. We were going to our favourite spot and kind of have a picnic and hang out. It was going to be July 13th. But now...if I leave early....I can't. I was also trying to get some people to come out B4 I go because it will probably be the last time I could see either of them in a REALLY long time. I hope they can come up...I need to see them both...soon. In a year, I am going to be moving out of the house. So in the time of one year, I have to have a car, money, be accepted into a college, have my license, confidence, have somewhere to live, and oh yeah, MONEY!!! Arland Tool, the place where I had an interview for the job as a collaboration technician...well, it has been a week since the interview and he still hasn't called e back, so I have to call him tomorrow. I probably didn't get the job. And when I do get a job, most of the money (probably all of it) to my mom. She told me and my brothers that we have to get a job to help pay for the bills, errr, In hate growing up with no money. My family has NEVER had money. wait, I lied, we did when we moved from GA to MA. From 2001-2003, we had a lot of money...but no, my mom was depressed so much that she went out drinking almost every night and wasted it all. She bought shit we NEVER used and shit we didn't need so yeah, we are back to living with no money, always in fear of having something turned off, like right now, if my mom doesn't pay 400 and somhat we have to get a job to help pay for the bills, errr, In hate growing up with no money. My family has NEVER had money. wait, I lied, we did when we moved from GA’t I just move on? I mean, take Brandi for example. She said she could never hate me, that she would always care for me and be there for me. And I really cared for her, I even started to like her (she doesn’t know that) and then I screwed up (yet again)So now she hates me, wishes I was died, yet...I still care about her, I still wish I could be friends with her, wish she would stop cutting, I hope that her life gets better, etc, ya know... Why can’t I just move on with some things? I mean, I deserve what happened, and I know that I am not the only one with a bad past that they want to change or forget and I know there are others who have it WAY worse than I do...but they seem to have the patience for it...I don’t. I just wish that when I go to sleep at night that I could forget everything that happened during the day, that way I can’t look back at bad memories and wish they never happened and also so I can’t remember the good memories and wish they were still the present. Okay, I am going to try to focus on the positive things right now, lol. Ummm, I woke up in a really good mood this morning. I have a great friend named Andy. He is SO sweet. He has helped me every time I ran from my house. He is the only person that I can tell everything to and he understands me. He has helped me when no one else would even look at me. He is the only person here for me, the only person that can give me a really hug when I need it, the only person that seems to care about me here. I mean, I have friends, but not like him. The only other person (people really) that I feel this strong of a connection with is Bob and Carrie and the Guillemette and Greenwood family. Because I have known them for so long. Of yeah, and Jeff. I can tell him anything to. I think I have known him for about 6-7 years now. He is SO wonderful. Also, all the friends I have made at Rites, they are different. They understand me (most of the time) and they truly care aout me. They don't try to get to know me just so I can be another piece of a** in their book. That is another reason why I don't like the guys and most girls at my school. Everyone is into way too much sex and way too many drugs. And I am not pretty enough to be with the "cool" kids (or have enough money). Okay, focus on the good things Kimba, focus on the good things! lol. Good Night! :) June 30th, 2005-Thursday-As Each Day Dies (Atreyu) Bruce (my mom's new "friend") is coming over today. I woke up in another good mood. Which is good. I actually got to sleep last night. It was good. And I had the WEIRDEST dream EVER, lol. Not going to explain it but it involved tons of people that I know and others I don't, lol. It was fun... ::devilish smile:: lol. Okay, I just got off the phone with Bob and he is going to have Carrie call me back when she gets home. He said that we all can arrange something so I can go earlier. I am glad that I am leaving. I will have a job once I get up there and I have friends and I can actually do things. They honestly don't care what I do as long as they know where I am...well almost anything, lol. Like, I probably couldn't go on a sex rage or go do tons of drugs, lol. But I can go to a friends house till like one in the morning and they are okay bc they TRUST ME! Unlike my mom. She said she was giving me more freedom and she did for....a week. Then it went right back to, no you can't do anything ever...no life fo you! lol. Oh yeah, and I TOTALLY forgot to write in my last entry (not yesterday) that sometime during that week Sean called me! I wasn't able to talk long but I was SO happy to here from him, he is MEGA sweet! He is a very nice person and a great friend. My brother (Eric) has his birthday on July 5th. I have no money (because my mom took the last of it from my bank account) so I can't get him anything. He is turning 12, yehaw! lol. Lately we have been getting along more than ever. I think it is because he is getting to know me better. Like he realized that I am into video games (some) and that since he watches G-4 TV everyday I watch it with him while I am on the computer typing. So me and him talked more and we actually have things in common. It is cool. We still fight and all but....hey, that is normal. lol. I also called Shelby. She is such a sweetie. I really like her (not like that). She helped me on Halloween. The night I cut, I would have done a lot more if she wasn't there talking me out of it. She is very cool. She might be able to come over tomorrow, I just have to ask my mom. My mom will like her. I think my mom would like all my friend if they would just stop making back first impressions, lol. My friends (every single once she has met) has made a rather bad first impression. I mean, she know loves Andy and Alex because they came over a lot and changed that impression but...they still didn't seem like friend worthy people at first to her, lol. Anyways, I hope she can come over. So yeah, back to my list from yesterday. I have three colleges in mind that I want to go to, but I am not smart enough to get into any of them. It sucks really. I want to go to UMass Amherst, Cazenovia, or some where in Boston. UMass is a great school (so it seems) and I know a couple of people there and my friends Nicci and Jen are going there. It is also close to North Hampton. That town is SO cool! Cazenovia is where my friend Dusten lives and it would be close to Bob and Carrie. They helped me a lot in these past couple of years. And I LOVE Boston SO much! Boston is a lot of fun! But I don’t know of any colleges in Boston that have Interior Design as a major (but I bet there is one-matter of just finding it) and I don't know if UMass has it as a major, but Cazenovia does. But if I do get accepted to one of them, I don't really have much for money, I mean I have 30-40 thousand in the bank for college from my grandfather (he left it in his will for me-my 2 brothers also have one) and I get it once I turn 18 (61/2 months left!). But yeah, I am going to just try to have a positive out look on all of this. I hope I get into a Boston college, that would be awesome! I miss all my friends from Rites. I wish I could see them and talk to them more. They are all so wonderful and special to me. I wish that Rites was longer really, lol. That way I could talk with them for longer than 3-6 days. Ehh, but I am glad that I met them all. Almost every single one of them have helped me either change the way I look at things, the way I feel about myself, and also stopped me from doing something REALLY stupid :). I thank every single one of them! And I also love them with all the little broken pieces of my black heart...lol, okay, so it isn't that dead yet, lol. But I still love you all! I really wish I could see Cai more, or talk to him more. I really like him and I care about him. I want to know how he is doing. I also want to know how everyone else is doing too. I wish that I could find someone around here, closer to me, that cared about me the way he does. Not that I want to replace him or anything, I just want someone to hug me when I need a hug (other than Andy-lol), and I want to lie down with someone and fall sleep with him/her at my side. I LOVE lying down and sleeping with people, it is SO comforting! Wouldn't you agree? lol. And I love to cuddle with someone with out them being like seriously turned on and want to fuck or do anything. lol, s that to much to ask for from a guy? No, not all, I did that with some guys and they didn't do anything, lol...even thought they might have wanted to, lol. But that is okay, people are comfortable. Yes, I am in a much better mood, but that is because my mom isn't home yet, lol. I need a job really bad, well I just need money, lol. But to have money I need a job...does any one want to buy my soul...or body, lol, just kiddin yall. But I have to call Dave (at Arland Tool) around 2:30 today to see if I can still have the job when I come back from NY. AAARRRRHHHHGGG! Yes yall, I am a pirate, lol. I just hate how our life is ran by money and looks. This world sucks, a lot, lol. Well, I did a spell for my friend Andy and it seems to have helped him. Things, opportunities, seem to be coming his way. His mother is lightening up a bit and letting him have fun during his summer, and he is more calm and relaxed. He thanked me for doing it for him, lol, yay, I helped someone! He is such a sweetheart. He has been there for me when NO one else has, and I owe him so much, lol. Him and his parents took me in when I was kicked out of my house, so ya know, he is my Family Man (looong inside joke-lol). I made him a hemp bracelet. It is black with a silver bead. It was suppose to have to, but then I just forgot to put the other one on, lol. I also made a hemp necklace for myself. It is cool I guess, I put this charm on it that I got at my second Rites. It is cool, nothing special but I carried it around in my pocket the whole time so it has a ton of energy in it. So I put it on my necklace, it matches with the colour of the hemp, lol. I like it! You would rather bleed than be without her"-Atreyu "It's so hard to see you when your eyes are rolling in the back of your head It's even harder to speak when everything you say just comes out wrong"-Atreyu I fucking LOVE Atreyu! I love emo/punk/scremo/rock music. They are my favourite kinds of music. And metal, lol. Death metal, rap metal, love metal (HIM Kicks A**!!!)! lol, I don't think I can live without music. Oh yeah, I also love indie punk and indie rock, etc. Okay, so me and Alex's friendship seems to be kind of breaking up and it hurts...a lot. Me and him have been through so much together. Before me and Andy started to hang out more again, it as me and Alex doing everything together. But then when I got back from Rites, he changed a bit, I mean so did I (so said everyone) and he didn't like it (not very many did) but I like how I have changed (if I even changed) but I don't know, I seem to be ruining this friendship of ours. Well from what he is saying and the way he is saying it, it seems as though it is all my fault. But I mean who likes to be talked about behind their back and called rude things? I know I don't. He said that I was a heart breaker, wtf? I mean, yeah I have hurt people but I don’t do it on purpose and I don’t lead guys (or girls) on. People take me giving them hugs as, “Oh she likes me” and that isn’t it. But mostly, the people I am leading on are freshman, lol, and...eww. They are all SO annoying! They drive me effing crazy...some of them are my friends though. I don’t mean to lead people on, I tell everyone that in my hugs is only friendship and they say they understand. When I hug them they seem fine with it. But Alex says that they think it is more. Andy agrees with me, Alex is turning into a jerk. He was going out with Shelby (I mentioned her earlier) and for a month before they went out, he was like, “oh I like her SO much, I hope we can go out”, and they do and in the matter of a week, he is like “oh, I don’t like her anymore. We were kissing and I started to unbutton her pants and she flipped. That is dumb” I was like, OH COURSE SHE FLIPPED! This was their first time doing anything and she is going to be a ninth grader and he is about to be a junior! She is still not sure about things ya know, that is NO reason to dumb someone that a week ago you were obsessed with! Okay, getting off the subject of Alex before I start saying to much...lol. Ahh, school sucks! I hate high school really. I need to get the hell out of this school! Too many drugs. I hate drugs...most of them...They have such bad side effects. And the people here (most of them) suck too, lol. I don’t know, I am just tired of it, tired of it all. Rumors, bois, girls, grades, teachers, rules, work, etc. Some (most) of it is inevitable, I know this, but the rumors...I want them to all just...disappear. “As the stars fall right out of the sky”-Atreyu Yeah, I REALLY like them, perfect emo/depressed quotes in their lyrics! Bob and Carrie... They are SO wonderful. And I tell them this all the time, lol. I talked to Bob on the phone today. I miss him! I have known him since I was 6 and I met Carrie after they got married, I think I was about 14. And me and her clicked SO well, we are perfect for each other really, lol, we are GREAT friends. She has taught me so many things about different religions. That is why I am Pagan. I knew Bob was a Witch but I didn’t Carrie was. And before I moved in with them the first time, I was started to get REALLY into Witchcraft, I thought it was really fascinating. And I moved in with them and I finafter they got married, I think I was about 14. And me and her clicked SO well, we are perfect for each other really, lol, we are GREAT friends. She has taught me so many things about different religions. That is why I am Pagan. I knew Bob was a Witch ˆöþ’t what to push it with my mom. When I turn 18, I am getting my eyebrow pierced and possible my first tattoo. I am getting my grandfathers name in Thai on my left upper arm with his years under it. I miss him... I love piercings! And tattoos, I want to get two eyebrow rings on my right eyebrow and three on my left! I also want to get my nose pierced. And I want to get a fearie on my left shoulder blade. She is going to be sitting on a crescent moon with long brown wavy hair and totally naked, lol. And I also want a fearie on my right shoulder. A fiery looking fearie. A lot of red and orange, bright colours! And I want to get a star on my wrist with the beginning of each of my siblings names and an A for my mom in the corners. A K A E A. up, and I also want a pentacle on either my ankle or my other wrist. Yeah, I love tattoos, probably wont get them al but ehh, I can wish right, lol. I just hate needles...and they effing HURT! lol. I tried to give myself one but yeah, that was stupid. lol. Fuckin A! I am allergic to my belts, this SUCKS because I wear tank tops or belly shirts to when I sit down, my belt rubs against my stomach so I get all itchy under my belly button, lol. It really does suck. I was wearing the pentacle necklace that Mica gave me to bed and now I have this circle of itchy-ness on my chest, lol. Right in the middle, like under my boobs, lol, IT SUCKS EVEN MORE! lol. I also had a watch that wasn’t silver and I slept with it on and when I woke up the next morning, I had a ring around my wrist that was mega itchy! Haha, my eating, I honestly think I have an eating problem. Not a disorder...but a problem. I am the kind of person that can starve herself (almost) for about a week or two and then eat a lot for a couple of days and then go back to eating nothing. But ever since I got back from Rites, I have been eating WAY too much! So I am purposely...umm, not starving myself...but stopping myself from eating. Like I am normally constantly hungry. So for the past could of days, I have been following a plan...diet if you will, lol. I won’t eat until three hours after I wake up and then about five hours after that. A snack here and there but that is it. I don’t think this is so horrible, it is better than eating like I was...it was pretty bad. Like, I love food and I am not anorexic. So this plan is okay...isn’t it? hmmm, feedback on that one please. Relient K is really good too, yall should check them out, great band. Tony Touch-Good Spanish reggae, gotta love my heritage. lol, I love spanish music, it is fun to dance to...when I actually dance, lmao! I am also not really sleeping, well I did last night and kind of the night before that. But like, since school ended...actually, I think it is since Rites, I haven’t really been sleeping. I think it is just the heat. I mean I have always had a sleeping problem. But lately I wake up, roll over and can’t go back to sleep, I just keep moving, it sucks. I hate not being able to sleep, I love sleep. I love to dream, the only place where I can be me, no one hates me, and things I want to happen...happens, lol. Like my weird dream last night, lol. That (not sleeping) might be why I am so agitated all the time. Because I am tired. But when I go to bed, I can’t fall asleep till like an hour or two later. I hate it. Ahhh, and my summer is going to be okay. I am going to be with Bob and Carrie. And the Guillemette and Greenwood family just moved down the street from them last weekend on Sat. That is cool. I get to see them more often now, I miss them. They are my second family really. I have known them since I was in second grade. They have helped us when we had no where to live. I lived with them for about...almost a year, it is very cool. I wish I could get over Brandi. Seeing her, reading her journal, hearing about her, it is all killing me. I don’t know why I can’t just get over it. Some days I am like ehhh, her lose, but most days I am like, I wish we were still friends. I mean after all the bulls*** she says about me in her journal I should hate her, any normal person would right? lol, but no, it is me, I can’t forget her. She can forget my that easy, but for me, I tend to latch onto people and I just...can’t let go. I kind of have, after everything that people have been saying, and it all has been helping but for some reason there is still...that little something, ya know? But it will pass in time. I just can’t beat myself up for it. EERRR!!!! I need money! I need to pay off all this house BULLS***! Yeah, basically I help run this house, but right now I don’t have anymore money so I can’t really help out right now. This is the main reason why I need a job so bad, so we don’t get kicked out of where we live again. Yeah, we were kicked out before. For a little over 6 months when I was in like...kindergarten, we (my mom, me and my brother Andrew) lived in a shelter and everything we had, we didn’t own. I know what it is like to have nothing, : / Okay, I am NOT getting into my past, lol. Well, When my mom and I went to court on the 20th, there was a second date of court. august fourth. But I don’t have to go this time, thank god. But Joel moved to NY with the Guillemette and Greenwood family. I don’t want to see him at all. But if I want to see Zach and Trey, I will be around him. I mean, I don’t mind being around him but I am not going to touch him, and if he says one more thing about my mom, I will have the biggest urge to hit him. My mom has...a bad choice in men, lets put it at that. And this one guy didn’t understand what get out was. So, one night I woke up in the middle of the night and my mom was telling him to leave and he wouldn’t listen and he kept trying to grab my mom so I grabbed a knife, pointed it at him and told him that he has 10 seconds to get out of the house or I will hurt him and he looked at me and I started counting and he left. Yeah, I am a bit over protective of my family :/ But I can’t help it, we may not get along very well but if anyone says anything about my family, I turn into a whole different Kim. Wow, I keep saying shit about my past, lol, I am sorry. The humidity is killing me! My hair is SO frizzy! When my hair is up (which it always is now) my hair is kind of curly at the front. So my hair is mega frizzy. So yeah, since my last entry, nothing has been happening. I missed the last day of school because I never got out of bed. Well, actually, I got up to turn off my alarm but then went back to bed. lol, I was about to get up again buuut, I didn’t, lol. And besides that, nothing wonderful happened. OMG! This is a REALLY long entry. I am SO sorry, if anyone reads the WHOLE thing, like word for word, please comment and tell me because...wow, lol, that would be pretty cool. I have been typing this at my house, putting it on a disk and then putting it here, lol. But this is what has been on my mind for the past month and a half. And a lot of people on both of my websites have been wanting to know how I feel and what I have been up to. So yeah, this might get longer by the end of the night, I don’t know, lol. Peace Out My Lovely Ones!