You know, it's funny...I had a countdown to leaving for college on my page, and it's now 19 months and some random days later, and I find that almost impossible to believe. I can't seem to figure out how two years have gone by since those "good" old RHS days, and yet, at the same time, I know I'm so much different than that tall girl with hair cut short who didn't say much, but was decently smart and had best friends. And really, I'm still a tall girl, with hair slightly longer, still decently smart, but one who doesn't talk about what matters because she doesn't have a best friend anymore. To be honest, I miss my senior year sometimes...I was comfortable in who I was, I had Monica, Sam, Dan, and Alex. I was in love, I hated my parents, and I couldn't WAIT to get the fuck outta Roscommon, because gods forbid I ever go back and make my life there. I still feel that way. I just feel nostalgic, and a little amused at what my point of views were, and are now. Back then, dating=bf/gf, now, there's a major difference, and it's not a big deal to flirt with someone at a party you may never see again, it's even okay to kiss them, although I draw that line at sleeping with them. It's perfectly okay to get drunk and silly, and when you puke, don't be embarrassed, because the person taking care of you has been there too, and you'll both probably be there again, getting each other water and trying to make them eat bread and stop with the shots. I've always been sarcastic, anyone who knows me knows that, but now, I'm less afraid of what other people think, and I'll speak my mind and stand up for what I believe in, and if I'm wrong about something, I'm still damn stubborn about it, but I'm getting better, and I think that just comes with growing up. People who think differently aren't the social outcasts of high school, here, in college, they're the people you stay up with at the all night coffee shop talking about EVERYTHING and coming away with brand new thoughts and perspectives. Living on your own is nice too....and sucks balls. You have to deal with roommates and new habits, which, if you're lucky (I was) you get away with a new friend or two, and only a few minor arguments. If you're the type of person whom mommy picks up after, cooks for, and basically cares for like you're 12, then you'll hate it. Doing your own laundry, cooking...or not...good meals, knowing when to tell yourself your room MUST be cleaned if only to preserve your state of mind. You appreciate what your parents have done for you more, and I call my mom at least every other day, if not just to say hi or find out how my grandparents are, then to find out how to clean something, cook something, fix something, whatever. Not ashamed to admit that there have been a few days when I've called home to talk to one parent or the other about 4 times in one day. Sometimes it's just nice hearing a familiar voice, especially after a bad day, or when you need some advice and there's no one else who would know. Dating is very different, obviously, I never would have thought at 19 months ago I would be here, with my random guy problems...well, one guy problem, and not even a problem, just...I don't even know. But it's there, and I'm dealing, although I should ante up and maybe try to figure it out. That's what really provoked this blog, not that I really miss RHS, just the people who've either grown apart, or grown so fucked up you just don't know them anymore and really don't want to, and the fact that I knew I was loved, and loved back. It's an amazing feeling, when you know you can go to this one person and count on them being there. I still somewhat have that, the love for someone, and all I want is that little bit more, that little reassurance that what I think is right, and I am loved. So, really, I need a hug, and that's all, just from someone who honestly cares about me, who isn't just a friend when there's a party we're both at, who knows me and whom I know back, I want that absolute feeling of being safe and comforted and knowing that he can come to me if he ever felt this way too.

Stole this survey from Emily :) The ABCs Of Me A- Age You Got Your First Kiss: 16 lol B- Band Listening To Right Now: I'm aiding for Men's Choir, but I'm trying to tune them out. C - Crush: Alex, duh D - Dogs Name: Macy E - Easiest Person To Talk To: Jake, Sam, Ashley F - Favorite TV shows: Family Guy and Grey's Anatomy G - Gummy Worms Or Bears: Worms H- Which Do You Follow-Head Or Heart: A bit of both I think I - Instruments: None lol, but I used to play the saxophone J - Junior High Crush: I don't remember... K- Kindest Person You Know: Monica L - Longest Car Ride Ever: San Diego to San Jose (end of baja peninsula) M - Memorable Date: Well...graduation's not here yet, so I don't really have one N - Nicknames: None O - One Animal You Like: Horses P - Phobias: Spiders and being alone Q - Something Quirky About Yourself: I'm weird, what else can I say? R - Reason To Smile: Alex, my friends, summer, graduation, my pets...lots of things S- Song You Sang Last: Fishin' In The Dark - Emerson Drive. T - Time You Woke Up Today: 6:50 am U - Unknown Fact About Me: If I told you, it wouldn't be unknown anymore, so there! V - Vegetable You Hate: Peas and carrots W - Worst Habit: I'm a slacker, and I swear too much. X - X-rays You've Had: Teeth, ankle, back, chest Y - Yummy Food: FOOD! Z - Zodiac Sign: Pisces...fishy!

Wow, today was one of the most boring days I've had in a long time. I miss Alex already lol; I have nothing to do on the weekend. Yesterday was so much fun. Sam and I went to DQ where we met Dan and Justin and later Steve. We ate ice cream and decided that we wanted to go canoeing, but Justin had to work so the four of us went. Sam's neighbor let us borrow his canoe and we strapped it to Steve's van. We left my car at Chase Bridge, and launched it from the park in town. The river's up a ton, the bottom deck in teh park is about a foot under water. There are a lot of trees down that we had to go around/bump into lol. The boys steered, and sucked at it I might add lol. Next time it's girls steering. Sam and I just sat in the middle and talked lol, and got splashed when we kept insinuating that Dan was gay (we still love you Dan!) and by Steve whenever he felt like it lol. Got all the way to Chase Bridge when I remembered I left my keys in Steve's van in town, so we used a stick thru my open window to unlock the car, then left Dan to guard the canoe while we walked to Sam's house to get her truck. I drove stick lol, and only stalled once in town - go me! It wasn't that bad, just an extra adventure, I think Dan even got to work on time. Then I went home for dinner and then to Rich's for his HALO party. That was fun, lol I suck at it, but I did manage to get 3 kills in one of the games, so...good? Whatever, not like I've ever played before lol. Today I got up at 11:11, exactly. Since then I've talked to Sam on the phone...twice, sat in front of my computer, did some homework, watched Pride and Prejudice (super-duper), and am waiting for my mom to finish dinner, because I'm hungry. That's it lol, I'm so fucking bored. Alex is supposed to call sometime today, I think after 9:00 because that's when his free nights start...unless it's 7:00 lol, I guess I'll wait and see. I hope he's having fun on break (he's in Myrtle Beach w/everyone from HL) but I miss him lol and I can't wait till he comes home. I really hope it doesn't rain tomorrow, I want to go riding, Zipper needs to be ridden to get all the spring friskiness out so he's not a pain in the ass, so I was gonna do that. I love to just go out and ride on my own, it's not lonely or boring, it's a good time to think, generally, so I hope it doens't rain lol, or I'll be stuck inside with my family and cousins, which, for a whole day, will get very old. Must remember to take my iPod after I update and charge it, and a good book...so I have to find one lol. I guess that's all, at least for now.

Spring Break was frickin sweet, this one ties with the Cruise we took 2 years ago as one of the best vacas. We went to Mexico City, Guanajato, Guadalajara, and Puerto Vallarta. I don't really feel like writing what I did every day, I already wrote a journal while I was there, but some highlights are: **Stopped in Flint for dinner, we meant to go to Mancinos, but they were gone, so we convinced Mr. Williams to let us go to Hooters. I bought a shirt. **Climbed the Moon and Sun Pyramids outside Mexico City...Moon has 111 steps and the Sun has 245. **Body surfed in the ocean in Puerto Vallarta, which was a ton of fun, even if I've got cuts on my stomach, arms, and feet from one huge wave that took us all the way into shore. **Saw the sun rise over the mountains in Guanajato...so beautiful. **Went to the Jose Cuervo factory and saw how tequila was made from the Agave cactus. I also bought a ton of stuff too, but didn't spend that much money on things other than food, I love the bartering system!! I got, for myself, a green/white/black striped blanket, silver crocheted purse, green skirt with sequins, and a shirt from Jose Cuervo Tequila Factory...for Megan, an orange/black bracelet and a painting done by spraypainting...another painting for Sam...and a brown/black/white necklace for Alex. Such fun times lol, boys are SO hard to buy for, I have no idea what he would like. I know that's not a lot of things to say about spending 8 days in Mexico, but like I said, I don't feel like typing it, I'm sure I'll tell you all in school or something. We got home Saturday at 6 in the morning, bleh what a travel day, all our planes were layed over and then we had a 4 hour drive. Whatever, I just started laundry and cleaning stuff, my parents and Megan went to Arizona, and didn't get back until Saturday at midnight, so I had the house to myself all day. I invited Alex over and we hung out for awhile, but he had to go home eventually lol. It was so nice to sleep in my bed finally last night. I hadn't gotten any sleep in like 40 hours so it was especially nice. We went to Grandma's today, Jake and Zac were there and wanted to go riding, so I called Alex and we all went. He rode Tootsie, I rode Zipper, and everyone else rode their own horses. It was fun, we just stayed in the pasture because it was the first ride of spring and they're generally a pain in the ass. I was right, Megan quit after awhile, Jake had to go back, and Zac didn't even make it out of the top field by the barn. Tootsie's Tootsie, she won't/isn't capable of going anywhere quickly, and all Zipper did was bite his bridle because he got bored. It was fun, Alex said he liked it, and we didn't go very long, so hopefully his legs won't be sore tomorrow. I guess I'll find out when he calls haha. I suppose that's it, I don't really have anyhting else that I want to type, other than I really don't want to go back to school tomorrow, I'd rather stay home lol. At least it's a blue day, so I can talk to Ashley and have an easy day lol. Later!

TWO DAYS UNTIL I LEAVE FOR MEXICO!!! Omg, you have no idea how excited I am lol, I'll be somewhere that's warm and NOT HERE - without my parents too! Haha, I'm so ready, I've been packed since this weekend, minus a few things I still need like my toothbrush and glasses, and some things I still need to wash, like socks lol. I am out of clean socks. This weekend was pretty great, went to Jake's on Friday where we all just hung out and watched movies. I kinda wanted to go to the dance, but Alex didn't because he has a cold, so whatever I guess, it's not like I would have had anyone to talk to other than him, since Sam and Monica are now best friends and neither are really talking to me. School's never been so fun. But let's not dwell on that, either eventually she gets over whatever's pissing her off and starts talking again or she doens't, nothing I can do. Anyways...I don't remember what I did Saturday lol...oh yeah! We went to Ashley's concert - Alex, Mindy, Jake and I, which was pretty cool...I loved her song with Ryan. We had to leave before it was done which sucked, but when we got back we watched TV in my attic lol. My sister had a movie night, so I couldn't go in the basement, although we scared the shit out of them (they were watching scary movies) by going to the basement windows and banging on them. Haha, yes, I am evil. My parents were watching TV in teh living room and my dad's like, just go to the attic/exercise room and watch it up there, just turn the heat on and you'll be fine...except the carpet's not comfy and there are no chairs. Whatever, we had fun anyways. I have not kissed my boyfriend in over a week...he won't let me lol. He doesn't want me to be sick over my break, which is sweet of him, but he's coming over tomorrow night to say goodbye and whatnot, and I'm getting a kiss damnit, I won't see him for 10 days. I'm also going to TC tomorrow AM (at like frickin 6:30AM) because my sister has an ortho appt - she's getting braces haha! - and I want to go shopping, I think I will while they're at Sarya's. Wait...doesn't the mall not open until 10:00? I'll have to check that out, son of a bitch it's 10:00....whatever, I'm not really missing anything until 4th block, which starts when - 12:30 about. Okay, no big. I have to go to JC Penney because when I bought a pair of shorts they forgot to take off the damn ink tag (retards) and something else (ooo secrets haha!), AE to get some sunglasses I saw before, and Borders to get some books (duh). Well....I have a scholarship essay to write, and Senior Project to edit and revise, so I'm out for now...see everyone at RHS tomorrow!!

I found this poem on Photobucket...it's one of my icons. It's a lot prettier on there, but I like the message, so...here goes: Tell her how you admire her Always tell her you love her at all times When she’s upset, hold her tight Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with Play with her hair Pick her up, tickle her, and wrestle with her Just talk to her Tell her jokes Bring her flowers just because Hold her hand and run Just hold her hand Throw pebbles at her window at night Let her fall asleep in your arms Sing to her no matter how awful you sound Get her mad at you then kiss her Give her piggy back rides Push her on the swings Tell her she looks beautiful When she’s sad, stay on the phone with her, even if she’s not saying anything Look into her eyes and smile Kiss her on the forehead Slow dance with her even if there’s no music Kiss her in the rain And...when you fall in love with her...tell her Love some of those ideas...

This has been a great week so far, haha, my capacity for sarcasm amazes me. Yesterday I went to Hl for Alex's jazz band dinner at Coyles. He asked if my parents and I would come because our parents have never met each other like two weeks ago. So I told my mom about it and she said she'd go, but when I reminded her the day before she was like "oh, well....I'm not going, I'm just gonna go to the concert here, because I told a friend I'd go." It's like, thanks, mom, for thinking so little of things that meant a lot to me. I didn't particularly want to go then, and eat by myself, but I had promised Alex I'd go, and at least one person in my house does what they say they'll do. He said that I didn't have to come when I got there, but whatever, I was there and just sat with Amanda till they were done playing and then we all ate ice cream and just hung out. Sam's still pissed, but...what am I supposed to do? I'm glad that what my MOM does is apparently a direct reflection on what I think too. I mean honestly, no one thinks they were like having sex, but, a couple is closed in a dark room, all alone, during a party...what do you think, anyone could make the assumption that they were making out or something. I'm not even that mad about it, it's just that it was at my house, and it's wonderful that my best friend comes over and then says barely 3 sentences to me, or anyone else for that matter. If she was back there because she didn't feel well and wanted to talk privately with Steve, then they should have left and went somewhere to talk. Mom talked to Brad again today, on a completely different subject, but he said the only thing Steve had to do was call my mom and apologize for doing something she didn't want him to at her house. That's it, I mean, like OMG, what a big deal *rolls eyes*. Whatever. The last few months of school will be lovely, seeing as how I don't have any close friends left at school anymore...Monica and I aren't close anymore, Rachel and I haven't talked in forever because she goes to Kirtland, and Sam hates me. Yay. I don't even know what I'm doing this weekend, I guess I'll have to wait until I talk to Alex tonight and see what's going on. I'm making Peanut Butter Rice Crispy Treats for the senior class to sell at the dance, but I don't know if I'm going yet. Alex said he might, and I don't know if I'll want to after work...Saturday is Ashley's concert, and I want to go to that, but I don't think I have enough money to do both things. Then Sunday I'm gonna pick up Jake from Char's and get Alex to meet me at my grandma's so we can go for a carriage ride because he said he wanted to....I want to take him horse back riding, but my mom isn't sure if she'll let us and I don't think he really wants to, so maybe we will, maybe we wont. Fun fun fun...I hope it's a good weekend...better be after this week.

This weekend was pretty damn kick ass, which is always good lol. Right now I'm just sitting in the living room, on the laptop because my dad and his friends are in the basement and I'm watching TV with my mom and sister. Very nice just to veg out and not think about everything. Friday I had to work, which sucked because Sandra didn't order enough food for Mike to cook with because we had like 10 extra people. I didn't get done with dishes until 7:00, took out the garbage and swept, fuck mopping and vaccuming, I just didn't care. Plus, Alex came over at 8:00, after I showered hahaha and we just watched TV and hung out. It was SO pretty...my sister went to bed and turned off the light in the basement so all that was on was the TV, which I then turned off because it was South Park and stupid, ANYWAY, the pretty part was that once it was completely dark the full moon was shining in the windows and it was almost as light as day. Very romantic and very cool, only thing better would have been if it was warm enough to go outside and lay in the grass. Saturday I went to the barn, brushed Tootsie for like 2-3 hours, she's shedding SO bad lol, it's not even funny. Everyone was at the cabin, so it was nice to just be there and see Tootsie. She's getting so old, I don't know what I'm going to do when she's gone; she's been with me for around 12 years...makes me sad to think about it, so I'm not going to right now. Alex picked me up and we went to Jake's house to hang out for a few hours before we went to MY house for a movie night. I had Alex stop at McDonald's first, I ordered a chicken sandwich meal and a pop, but they gave me an extra medium fries, a cherry pie, and an apple pie!!! Sweetnessosity....so I shared with Jake and Alex when we got to Jake's. We just hung out and watched a thing on comets on the history channel...or discovery channel lol, I don't remember that much. We went to my house and ate dinner, then people came over to watch a movie and hang out. Alex, Jake, Steve, Sam, Mindy, Mindy's friend Jenna, Jess, Shane and Ashley came. We watched White Noise, which was kinda creepy, but not so much because I missed the first half of the movie because Sam was being loud and kinda annoying with Ashley or Steve, but whatever. After the movie Ash, Mindy, Jenna, Alex, Steve, Sam and I played hide-and-seek, which was fun lol, Alex and I hid in the closet *wink* and then jumped out at Sam and scared her lol. We hid on the bed the next time, which wasn't a very good hiding spot, lol, but it was comfy, and then Alex was "IT" so I "hid" with him in the bathroom while he counted lol, then helped him find people. Sam had like a panic attack or something, I have no idea what the hell happened to her, Alex said he found her kinda "creeped out" and right after then she went to the bathroom and cried...it was weird. After we finished the game we all went to watch Caddyshack on TV, but it was only Jess, Shane, Alex, Jake and I...everyone else went home, except Sam and Steve, who were in the back bedroom, probably making out, I don't know, but my sister wondered where they were and asked in front of my mom...she is PISSED! They aren't allowed to come over anymore if they're going to do that, plus Steve left his fucking Reese's cup paper on the floor, where I had to dive for it before Macy got it. That's chocolate, dumbass!! I have a dog, and she can't eat it or she could die. I would have killed him if she'd gotten it and been sick. W.h.a.t.e.v.e.r.......*sigh* Today was excellant...went back to the barn with mom and Meg, brushed the horses again, but everyone was still gone, and Mom wanted to go to the concert at RHS, so they left around 2, and I got my car, which I'd left there when I rode home with Alex the day before. I went over to his house and helped him pack up stuff so his dad could start remodeling the kitchen. Then we drove around...drove fricking 90 minutes and 30-40 miles to end up 7 miles from home hahaha. Still fun though, too bad it's still winter, all the "seasonal roads" are still covered in snow and we can't get to them lol *wink*. JK...only a little. Went home, then to Carters to get food for nachos...the good kind lol, we had beef, refried beans, cheese, olives, lettuce, and tomatoes in it, with Tostitos Gold chips and Mountain Dew...best dinner ever lol. Came home, been sitting here ever since. It's nice. I'm tired of typing now, so I think I'll stop hahaha....Grey's Anatomy is on in 30 minutes, so.....later!!

I hate my parents; why do they have to be so fucking retarded? My mom was just down here to bitch me out for "driving too much" becuase I went to Gaylord skiing with Alex and then to Jake's for a movie. I'm sorry, I don't do that on a regular basis, like she seems to think. THEN I got bitched at for spending the entire weekend with Alex since he came over Friday, we skiied today, and we're going swimming tomorrow with everyone. Ok, fine, so that IS ever day this weekend, BUT do I see him at all during the week, no, why, because I'm not allowed to. Not like we're sick of each other. Plus, what else am I supposed to do - clean, like mom said? Fuck that, Alex is who I hang out with, all my other friends are doing stuff with their own boyfriends, so I'm out of luck to hang with them, besides, I WANT to spend time with him, he WANTS to spend time with me, what's the problem? I was in such a good mood today too, until like 10 minutes ago. Went snowboarding for the first time in a year, I wasn't too bad either, after I got going. We were at TreeTops from 2-6, then ate dinner at the China Buffet in Gaylord (MUCH better than HL's) and went to Jake's to hang out with Jess, Amanda and Jake. We watched Armageddon, which is sad, I'd never seen it, but Jess, Amanda, Jake's sister Kirsten, all had tears lol. We all left around 9:30, Alex had to come home with me because we'd just taken the freeway to HL and he needed his truck. Stopped and made out for awhile lol, not gonna lie, but no one was around this time haha. Got home, said goodbye, came in, got bitched at. Yay. Tomorrow I hvae to go to my grandma's and take MORE pictures of my sleigh and Zipper, not like we dont already have around 800. Then I'll probably just leave and go to Alex's, he said he'd be home. I'm supposed to call Sam at 11:00, but we're leaving at 11:30, so I'll probably call her earlier, she's either ready by that time and at my house, or I'm not giving her a ride, I'm not a fucking chauffer. Whatever, I'm dropping her off at Steve's and HE can take her home, because I'm going to Alex's and even though I'm supposed to be home by 6:00 for family dinner (bullshit, since my dad makes us all be silent so he can watch the news or Megan and my mom can watch Charmed) I may stay later, but I don't want to interrupt Alex's family dinner either, so we'll see. Honestly, what can they really do? Can't take my car, I'm 18 and it's in my name. If they ground me and I ignore it, then what, ground me again, kinda pointless. If I had money and there were apartments around here I'd get one in a heartbeat. Well, what was supposed to be a happy entry about other stuff, turned out to be a bitchy one. Thank you family for yet another good thing ruined.

Alex and I went on our "first" "date" tonight lol...in quotes because it's technically not our first and because it wasn't really a date since we took little Jake with us to the movies. The two of us went to G's for dinner, then picked up Jake and saw "Eight Below" in HL, which was pretty good, a kids movie, but cute too. Jake didn't want to sit with us lol, so he sat across the aisle...that was okay though lol, because then Alex and I could hold hands without the sarcasm both Jake and my sister provide. After the movie we went back to Alex's, after dropping off Jake, because (1) my car was at his house, and (2) we wanted to hang out lol, duh. We started watching Joe Dirt, but I was sorta half asleep after awhile because he kept playing with my hair and that makes me sleepy. Around 10:00 I figured I should go since he has school tomorrow, so we went out to start my car. We were sitting in teh backseat because the car was warmer than the outside and we were making out when he stopped and like jerked away. There was some person out walking their dog lol, at fricking 10:30 at night! Who does that?? I didn't see them, but he just said it wasn't anyone he knew and kissed me again. Made us laugh though - wonder what they were thinking lol? After that I left, I tried to convince him to skip school tomorrow lol, but no deal, we both want him to, but well, he cant lol, same if it was me. Now I'm home (obviously) and wish I wasn't. Can't wait till Prom, when he actaully gets to stay the night, this makes twice in the 3 times we've seen each other this weekend we've almost fell asleep together, lol. Turns out thier prom is the 6th of May, or the day I'll be gone to see Phantom! Son of a bitch lol, but he's not sad, he told me one was enough and he'd rather it was mine. Works for me, lol, I just thought it'd be fun to dress up twice. Oh well. I suppose I should go to bed, seeing as how it's 12:00, but there's no reason to really get up tomorrow. Whatever, night all!

Last night was both amazing and amazingly shitty lol. Sam and I went tanning, then I had to go to work, which was OK, I got everything done by 7:00, when Sam met me and we went to HL. She drove my car lol, while I changed clothes in teh back, which was pretty funny lol, then went to the basketball game to see the guys. After the game we were all gonna go to Drew's, but we left my car in teh parking lot because Drew's driveway isn't plowed, and I just rode with Alex, and Sam and Jake rode with Steve. Alex and I went to get the movie (Transporter 2). When we got to Drew's Steve had managed to get his van so stuck the tires didn't even move and Jake, Shane (who came w/Jess), Drew, Alex, and Steve couldn't move it. We had to call Mindy and she pulled it out with her Tahoe, and then Shane's car too, because he tried to pull in the drive and got stuck too. All in all, we were outside for like an hour and a half...WAY TOO LONG! It was so cold! Alex and I are back together, finally, officially, lol. He was showing me how much Drew's piano is out of tune and then put his hands on my waist, because we'd just came in and he thought it was funny because they were cold lol. So we were just hugging and he was like "Do you want to get back together?" and I nodded at his shoulder and looked at him. Then he was like "Me too, but I'm not going to kiss you now. I want to wait until it's spontaneous and romantic, because I'm like that." Then we went bakc into the other room and watched the movie and just held hands and snuggled on teh couch. We kissed on the cheek when he took us to my car, and then Sam and I left. I'm sure none of you care that much lol, and it's very mushy lol, but I don't give a shit, it's my entry and I'll write what I want. =P lol. So, he's coming over today, around 5:00, and I'm going to make him dinner, which I have no idea what yet, but we'll see. My parents are going out to Gaylord to go to Lowe's and dinner, then to pick up my sister, who is skiing from 1-9....so, house to my-ourselves...J/K - stop being dirty! I know what you all are thinking, lol!! Gotta go, my mom wants me to clean and whatnot before he gets here, so I'm out! Hasta todo!

I've decided that I'm addicted to the Interent lol, and I blame it on MSN and Broadband connections. Seriously, it's insane, I haven't been on in like 2 days though, due to work and other things, but now I'm like, yes, back at my computer, lol. Well, I really need it for homework, and I want to talk to Jake ASAP, but still. I got me a prom date!!!! Haha, worst grammar ever, but, Alex and I are going, and we get to drive my dad's Corvette, assuming it's done, and it should be! Now I need a dress lol, but there's forever until then, I'll just go like the weekend before if I can't wear Nicole's...I have to remember to remind her to remember to bring it when she comes home. Anyways, lol, I'm excited. Alex and I have talked every night this week lol. Monday night for 1 hour, 10 minutes,...oh wait, I lied, Tuesday we didn't, we went to our basketball games, and last night we talked for 2 and a half hours!!! My mom was kinda pissed lol, but I dont think she knows just how long we were talking, or I think she'd take away my phone. Not like it's long distance or anything...he's supposed to call tonight too, to see what our plans are for tomorrow, because I have to go to work till at least 7:00, sooner if Chris is working because she'll help me out. Then I meet Sam, and go to HL to the game, then to Jess' for a movie night! I'm super hoping I can get out early, that would rock, since I have to change clothes and whatnot first. Note to self...take Alex's sunglasses back to him, they've been in my car for the whole week lol. *Sigh* well, I suppose I should start reviewing my short stories for APE, since we have a huge test over them tomorrow and I think I read less than half of them. Then I have work, =P bleh...Later All!

I'm bored and have been thinking a lot this weekend, so I figured I'd write some of it down lol. Got my ears pierced on Friday, lol, my own little act of rebelling against my mom, because I got another hole in each lobe and one in each ear on teh top too, which she told me not to do. I like them, and they only hurt the one night lol, so it's all good. Other than that it was pretty boring, went to work, came home, that was it. Saturday I woke up around 11:30, and just messed around with computer stuff till like 2:15, then Jess and I decided that we wanted to go to Traverse to go shopping and out for a movie with Jake and Alex. So we met at my house and I drove...we went to JC Penney, AE, and the shoe store, and I got some kick ass stuff for Spring Break, which was the point of me going lol. Ate at the food court (taco bell) and got our pictures taken in the FotoBooth thing...they're fricking retarded lol, because we all didn't fit, Jess and I were on teh guys' laps and it was funny trying to fit us all in the frame. I have one copy, lol, we're lookin' silly. Went and saw Date Movie, which was pretty funny, it spoofs on all romantic comedies like Meet the Parents 1 and 2, Wedding Planner, Wedding Crashers, stuff like that. It was so fricking cold though, the vent above our seats was blowing down cold air the whole movie and all of us had left our coats in teh car. I had a fight with Alex over the armrest, but we eventually made a compromise that I'd put my arm on it and he put his on top of mine lol. Driving home was horrible from TC to South Boardman, for those who use the back roads lol, all those turns, it was snowing so hard I couldn't turn on my brights and we onyl went like 30 and I still fishtailed around one of them...kinda fun lol, but only because we didn't end up in a ditch. We got to my house and just hung out in my entryroom while Jake's car warmed up lol, then I talked to him while he cleared it off. And again lol, when he got home and online. I love talking to Jake, he's probably the best person in the world to talk to because he listens so well and remembers the littlest things that I may have said weeks ago, AND he has great advice. I'm his "crisis girl" he says, and he's the first (sometimes second to Sam) person who hears about my problem, whatever it is. Right now we're in the same boat with regards to relationships, so we've been talking about that lately, and whenever one of us has a bad day, we vent and just feel better. It's so weird that someone I've only known for under 2 years has become my best friend, and someone I completely trust with everything I'd ever want to tell him. Speaking of Jake's...I saw my other favorite one today lol - my cousin. We had a party at my grandma's because it was her birthday today. We jsut sat around in the living room and talked, he's so mature for being 12, he notices things that people wouldn't expect him to, and then we talk about it lol. We're gonna go to teh movies next weekend, when he gets back from his dad's, provided that there's something good there lol. He said he'd rather go with me than Sam and Steve, because I'm more fun and I don't try to be in charge of him like Steve does and boss him. I realize that he's old enough to take care of himself with his money and what he gets to eat, etc. Steve also kicks him, or flicks his ears when he's annoying, which, if he ever tried it with me lol, I'd kick him in the balls, and I'm tempted to when he does it to Jake, because half the time it's undeserved. Maybe it's just that Jake respects me and when I tell him it's enough, he listens, and I listen to what he says and his opinions, something Steve never does, because all he sees is a little step-brother who couldn't possibly have views on the world. Char, Jake and I were talking about some stuff today, that I know and she knows, but Jake does too, like I said, he's just awesome liek that lol, he's my favorite cousin. Can't wait for the snow to melt so we can go riding again after school, we did it all the time this summer and fall. On a funny side note, we were talking about hair today, because Brad asked me if I was gonna let it go natural again. It came up that Sam is really a blonde, like blond blonde, and Brad's like, uh-oh Steve, can't date her anymore...Steve swore he'd never date a blonde, which is kinda funny, seeing as how his last 2 girlfriends have been blondes (Sam and Monica). I'm so excited to go to Mexico, like beyond belief. I've already got out my summer-y stuff and started thinking about what I'm going to pack lol. There's like 33 days left, lol, Mr Williams has the countdown on his board, I look at it every day. I think that's it lol, I've run out of things to say, but on the upside, I can finally type without looking the keyboard at all, lol, it just takes me a few minutes each day to get back into it. Pretty good for someone who learned to type quickly on MSN and not in class lol. Night everyone!!

A VALEDICTION FORBIDDING MOURNING. by John Donne AS virtuous men pass mildly away, And whisper to their souls to go, Whilst some of their sad friends do say, "Now his breath goes," and some say, "No." So let us melt, and make no noise, No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ; 'Twere profanation of our joys To tell the laity our love. Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears ; Men reckon what it did, and meant ; But trepidation of the spheres, Though greater far, is innocent. Dull sublunary lovers' love —Whose soul is sense—cannot admit Of absence, 'cause it doth remove The thing which elemented it. But we by a love so much refined, That ourselves know not what it is, Inter-assurèd of the mind, Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss. Our two souls therefore, which are one, Though I must go, endure not yet A breach, but an expansion, Like gold to aery thinness beat. If they be two, they are two so As stiff twin compasses are two ; Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show To move, but doth, if th' other do. And though it in the centre sit, Yet, when the other far doth roam, It leans, and hearkens after it, And grows erect, as that comes home. Such wilt thou be to me, who must, Like th' other foot, obliquely run ; Thy firmness makes my circle just, And makes me end where I begun. I love this poem, it's so true, and I'm so glad Ms. Young read it to us in English Lit last year, or I would have passed over it completely. It's great that a poem written by this man hundreds of years ago still holds true today, just modernize the words and you have 99% of the relationships in school...absence, 'cause it doth remove the thing which elemented it...or, if the couples didn't see each other every day and make out in the halls, they'd have nothing at all, there's no real love there. My profound thought of the day lol, brought on because I heard something about Donne today, and because I'm tired of seeing people all over each other at school. Later!

My birthday's tomorrow!!! Lol, should I feel differently after 7-something, when I'm officially 18? I doubt I will; you always expect something big to happen when you turn 18, 16, 10, any of the big numbers that MEAN something, whether it's driving, getting that tattoo, or whatever, lol. Saturday Jake, Mindy, Amanda, Alex, Drew, Sam and Steve came over to watch movies. That was fun lol, since we only watched one and spent the rest of the night playing hide and seek in the dark. Alex and I also built a fort out of the basement furniture and he, Jake and I layed in that until they knocked it down. We watched "Half-Light" which, in all honesty, was boring. There weren't any scary parts and it was so predictable it wasn't fun. After that got over none of us felt like moving, so we just shut off the TV and laid around in the dark, just talking about random things. It was nice, Alex gave me a back massage...I thought I was gonna just melt into the couch, I didn't know how many knots I had until he got all of them out lol. So...haven't been to school in 5 days and I'm not really going tomorrow either, we have a ski meet and we're leaving at 9:00, so basically I go to homeroom and breakfast break. Maybe I'll just sleep in, Matt said something to that effect when he called my mom to tell me we didn't have practice today. Sounds like a plan, but I doubt my mom will go for it, she's weird like that lol. Besides, if I go I have to take my psych test that I forgot about lol, and I need to do notecards and whatnot....maybe read the chapter, maybe not lol. Sam: I don't know if you still read this, but OMG do I have stuff to tell you!!! No, I didn't do the thing, BUT now I can lol. Later chica! I was supposed to go to TC today, but changed my mind lol, I just don't feel like driving and shopping. We're going for an ortho appt next month, I can shop for Mexico then, which is what I'm doing lol, since my mom thinks all my shorts are too short and I need some new summer shirts because I know they're too short and just old. I'm so excited, I can't wait to go! I'm sad that HL break is different, because I was gonna go to a TBS concert with Alex and Jess, but that's when their break is, and they're all going to South Carolina with Jess' family and all their friends. Well, that seems to be it, for now. I'll update as needed lol, LATER!

Hey guys, I stole this from Cole's livejournal, it's pretty cool. Just click this link to the following URL:- http://kevan.org/johari?name=Cowgirl21 and pick the 5-6 things you think describe me! I wanna know what everyone thinks lol. Lve you all! Sarah

[1] I have eaten more than 5 meals a day. [2] I have read a lot of books. [3] I have been on some sort of varsity team. [4] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping. [5] I have been to Canada. [ ] I have been to Europe. [6] I have watched cartoons for hours. [7] I have tripped UP the stairs. [8] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs. [9] I have been snowboarding/skiing. [10] I have played ping pong. [11] I swam in the ocean. [ ] I have been on a whale watch. [12] I have seen fireworks. [13] I have seen a shooting star. [14] I have seen a meteor shower. [ ] I have almost drowned. [15] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear. [16] I have listened to one cd over & over & over again. [ ] I have had stitches. [17] I have been on the honor roll. [ ] I have had frostbite. [ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there [18] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects. [19] I currently have a job. [ ] I have been ice skating. [20] I have been rollerblading. [21] I have fallen flat on my face. [22] I have tripped over my own feet. [ ] I have been in a fist fight. [23] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight. [24] I have watched the power rangers. [ ] I do attend Church regularly. [25] I have played truth or dare. [26]I have already had my 16th birthday. [27] I have already had my 17th birthday. [ ] I've lost weight since one year ago. [28] I've called someone stupid. And meant it. [29] I've been in a verbal argument. [30] I've cried in school. [ ] I've played basketball on a team. [ ] I've played baseball on a team. [ ] I've played football on a team. [ ] i've played soccer on a team. [ ] I've done cheerleading on a team. [31] I've played softball on a team. [ ] I've played volleyball on a team. [ ] I've played tennis on a team. [32] I've been on a track team. [33] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life. [ ] I've bungee jumped. [34] I've climbed a rock wall. [35] I've lost more than $20. [36]I've called myself an idiot. [37] I've called someone else an idiot. [38]I've cried myself to sleep. [39] I've had (or have) pets. [40] I've owned a spice girls cd. [41] I've owned a britney spears cd. [ ] I've owned an N*Sync cd. [42] I've owned a backstreet boys cd. [ ] I've mooned someone. [43] I've sworn at someone in authority. [44] I've been in the newspaper. [45] I've been on TV. [ ] I've been to Hawaii. [ ] I've eaten sushi. [ ] I've been on the other side of a waterfall. [46] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies. [47] I've watched all of the Harry Potter movies. [ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies. [48] I've watched the 3 stooges. [ ] I've watched "Newly weds" Nick & Jessica. [49] I've watched Looney Tunes. [ ] I've been stuffed into a locker. [50] I've been called a geek. [51] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade. [52] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it. [53] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs. [ ] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours. [ ] I've met a celebrity/music artist. [54] I've written poetry. [ ] I've been arrested. [55] I've been attracted to someone much older than me. [56] I've been tickled till I've cried. [57]I've tickled someone else until they cried. [58]I've had/have siblings. [ ]I've been to a rock concert. [59] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it. [60] I've been in a play. [ ] I've been picked last in gym class. [ ] I've been picked first in gym class. [61] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class. [62] I've cried in front of my friends. [63] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages. [64] I've played Halo 2. [65] I've freaked out over a sports game. [ ] I've been to Alaska. [ ] I've been to China. [ ] I've been to Spain. [ ] I've been to Japan. [66] I've had a fight with someone on AIM. [67] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face. [68] I've had serious converstations on any IM. [69] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me. [70] I've been forgiven. [ ]I've screamed at a scary movie. [71] I've cried at a chick flick. [72]I've watched a lot of action movies. [73] I've screamed at the top of my lungs. [ ] I've been to a rap concert. [ ] I've been to a hip hop concert. [74] I've lived in more than 2 houses. [75] I've driven on the highway [76] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day [77] I've been in a car accident. [ ] I've done drugs. [78] I've been homesick. [79] I've thrown up [ ] I've puked all over someone. [80] I've been horseback riding. [81] I've filled out more than 10 myspace surveys. [82] I've spoken my mind in public. [83] I've proved someone wrong [84] I've been proved wrong by someone. [ ] I've broken a leg. [ ] I've broken an arm. [85] I've fallen off a swing. [86] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 mins straight. [87] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies. [88] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school. [ ] I've lost my backpack. [89] I've come close to dying. [ ] I've seen someone die. [90] I've known someone who has died. [91] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point. [ ] I've done modeling. [92] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings. [93] I've taken something/someone for granted. [94] I've realized how good my life is. [95] I've counted my blessings. [96] I've made fun of a classmate. [97] I've been on a date. [98] I've been asked out by someone and I said no. [99] I've asked someone on a date and been turned down. [100] I've slapped someone in the face. [101] I've been skateboarding. [102] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend. [103] I've lied to someone to their face. [104] I've told a little white lie. [105] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane. [106] I've fainted [107] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not. [108] I've pushed someone into a pool. [109] I've been pushed into a pool Now count how many things you checked and repost this, subject being, "I have lived through 109/158 things"

NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!! At least, I hope so, but I'm sure there won't be, I mean, we already have like 8 inches of snow and the storm hasn't even hit us yet, it's freezing rain right now. No roads are plowed or anything. We had ski regionals today, at Crystal Mountain. We left at about 6:00am...bleh lol. I was there early and then remembered I'd forgot my lunch, so I went home to get it, was making the turn into my road, going like 15, and slid right into the ditch and halfway into the field in front of it. I called Frank, but her phone was off, and then Bethany's dad to get Matt's cell and then him lol to tell him I couldn't get out. Jess's mom came and got me and her dad pulled me out later and took my car to the school. Slalom went well, except Jess fell once in each run, and so wasn't gonna go to states. Halfway through the GS, right when I was like 3rd in line, there was a HUGE peal of thunder and they called a 30 min timeout (like at football or track) until the last lightning, but by then it was snowing so hard we couldn't see the bottom of the chair lift from the lodge. Matt just decided that we'd all take a DNS (did not ski) for the last run and go home. No one was upset, Jess had D/Q'ed and therefore no one was going to states, and we wanted to get home before it got much worse. The ride home was alright, if slow. On the way home, after I got my car, I had to have my neighbor plow part of the hill on my road so that my car could make it up, I tried and my spedometer went up to like 80 and I wasn't moving. Megan and I took dad's truck into town to get movies, go 4-wheel-drive!! So that's what we're doing, and I made a new friend lol. Christine introduced me to one of her friends, Ryan, online, so I'm talking to him. He seems cool so far! Anyways, I'm gonna go talk and watch my movies, later!!!

Oh man, what a day. JV *AND* VARSITY QUIZBOWL TOOK FIRST TODAY!!!!!! I'm so fucking tired though, it's not even funny, and it's only 7:30. You would be too if you'd stayed up till 2:30 and gotten up at 5:15. Ugh. Last night was pretty sweet, glad I went. I did manage to get out of work at 7:00, even got everything done! Took a super fast shower and got dressed and helped Sam tie her laces on hers. I loved my dress and my hat lol, my shoes not so much for dancing, but they made my calves look hot lol, because I was standing on my toes. Went to the game at 7:30, got both Megan and I in for free...she used my season pass and I used the good ole "workin consessions" excuse. Gotta love it! Spent the game talking to Justin M and Jazzy and random people who came up to us lol. Sam and Steve sat in the gym. I'm happy Ryan won the King, he's really cool and a good person to everyone, but Lyndsey Tomak? Are you fucking kidding me? She never talks to anyone "uncool" or anyone beyond her friend group for that matter. I was hoping Nita or Allissa would win, they're both awesome girls. Whatever, next week it won't matter. The dance itself was pretty good, I just kinda moved around and didn't stay with one group. Did stay with Dani though, we had so much fun! We were both basically there alone...by that I mean I was and Dan pretty much ignored her for the whole thing. Granted, they were only there as friends, but still! All the game he stood around with Vanessa and Nick, and only talked to her like once, and then at the dance he danced with like a billion other girls like Lisa...eew! She's such a whore, I'm sorry...and she spread shit about Ashley and her girlfriend because she thought it was "nasty" when she herself has done it with a girl, so that's pretty hypocritical. Whatever, if I listed off all the people I hate, or even dislike slightly, this would be a gazillion page entry, it's easier to tell you the people I DO like. Yes, I am a bitch, say it all you want, lol, I'll gladly admit to it, better than being a doormat for everyone. Anyways, yeah, Dani and Jaz and I danced together mostly. Danced only one slow dance with Justin, well, two I guess lol, if you count the time he danced with both Danielle and me because we were both standing there lol. Sam and Steve kinda disappeared for awhile...on teh dance floor, not like that you icky people! We lost each other for a long time and then Steve left at 11:00 and Sam came and danced with us. I'm so pissed, I dedicated a song to Megan, yesterday was her b-day, and they didn't even play it, stupid old fucking DJ! And what was with the "seniors only" song at the end? Yeah we're graduating, but not for awhile haha, and there are more dances. There were like people crying because of it, it was ridiculous and a bad song to end the night on, excluding everyone who's not a senior. Today was Quizbowl and we won, as you read. Got home at 2:45, went to sleep at 3:00 and slept till 4:30, it was nice, Sam slept too lol. I'm still tired too, and tomorrow I have to get up at fucking 8:00 to get ready to go to Snow Snake to tube with my family and friends. At least there are friends going, then I have someone my age to talk to! I don't know what we're doing after, but I'm sure that Alex or Jake or Jess will organize something lol. We always do. Alright, I'm bored and I've run out of things to say, and I think I've pissed off enough people for one night lol. G'Night everyone, I'm off to bed...or to watch a movie, I haven't decided lol.

So...tomorrow is Winter Carnival night...yippee. Catch the not-so-excited tone? I hope so, because otherwise....you're dumb. This week was alright, the days were actually pretty cool, but our theme, as always, sucks balls because it's another childish thing. Willy Wonka? I mean honestly, how old are we? Last year it was Nintendo characters, also stupid, why can't it be something like "winter wonderland" or something mature and fitting? Oh yeah, that's right, those sort of themes are prom themes...according to the all knowing Cat, so it must be right. Found out our mock elections, they're basically bullshit. Cat and Josh won most of them. The only one I'm like WTF about was that they both won "Most Mature". Excuse me, but Josh is an ass and probably one of the most immature people I know, and Cat...she acts grown up, but she can't say the word "sex" without blushing, and that's not a mark of maturity. I really dont want to go to school tomorrow, maybe I'll take a day off haha. It's shortened though, so it's ok I guess. Sam and I are leaving early to go tanning, skip the assembly for obvious reasons (it sucks), and then I have to go work from 4:30-7:30, but I'm gonna try to get out at 7:00 by not doing stuff lol. Then Sam's coming over and we'll get ready and whatnot. Steve's also coming, fan-fucking-tabulous. Another night of 3rd wheelness, why am I not used to this by now? Too bad Phil is going downstate, he'd at least give me someone to talk to while they're being all cute and gross. Ok, repeat after me: I will not kill Steve tomorrow, I will not kill Steve tomorrow....see if that works. I'm only going because I have a dress and it's my last one, otherwise it'd be a no...and my parents are working consessions for Spanish Club and may be at the dance like they were for homecoming...so I can go sit back there and avoid people. *Sigh* what can you do though? I have 50 notecards to do, so I'd better get on that. Until later.