well, surprisingly got up fairly well, considering i'm SO NOTTTT a morning person. the bus was PACKED full of fucking freshman. fuck freshman. ed got us to school LATE which was a total BLAST. so much for aimlessly roaming the halls. yeah so then i realized i'm not tall enough to even see the numbers for my combonation. i traded marissa. WOO FUCKING HOO! first period math, i'm not sure i love mrs. herzog. seems like one of those post-menopausal bitches. but i get to sit with by megan so it's all good. then there was history.. pretty good class i guess. have kirsten in there so OF COURSE it's fucking phenominal. only except for the part where it's said to be 10 times harder than last year. JOY. third the great biodeversity. have some friends in there but best of all my BEST FRIEND IN THE HISTORY OF MY LIFE: TIFFANY TOMASELLO PEOPLE. too bad we sit on the opposite sides of the room, which pretty much guarentees no communication. oh well, i'll work something out. then i had lunch. fucking A lunch. another FAVORITE. god, A lunch sucks. i sat with megan && katelyn. thank GOD for upperclassmen who just happen to adore me. oh yes, angie was there too. i think tiffany & audrey are getting lunch with me too, so that's cool. next i have simons. he failed his own son. god only KNOWS what he'll do to the rest of us. oh, at least we know he's not about favoritism. then it's spanish. now, please do tell me why it is that last year i slept through spanish I, not knowning anything, but this year i understood pretty much everything mr. burns was saying in espanol. i ROCK. other periods consist of study halls and physical education. i didn't get business law! i really wanted to take business law. oh, and WOULDNT YOU JUST KNOW && LOVE IT that i have so many fucking HEAVY BOOKS that i JUST SO HAPPEN to not be strong enough to carry??? and like, i have pretty much no chance of dumping them off in my locker without being late. everyone sucks. room 317... locker... bisco think i can pull it off?

i don't remember what i did this week. all i know is that i was like never home. kbye.

today i went up to the cool guy. talked to daina on the phone for like an hour. went to my aunt's and drank a lot of martini & rossi. then i lit cheerios on fire. tomorrow i think i'm going to get drunk with jess. k bye.

havent written in a while which you can probably figure out on your own. today in math i spent my time pondering on whether or not prunes were large raisins or not. biodeversity i once again convinced my classmates that i was on drugs. lunch, ditto. uhhhhh yeahhhh school suckSss .. kthanksx3 and i forgot just what i taste yeah, i guess, it makes me smile i found it hard, it's hard to find oh well, whatever, never mind . .

hm k so this 4 day weekend SO did not feel like 4 days. friday went to football game with tiffany && daina. that was seriously boring. uhh saturday just chilled .. sunday night went out to dinner with tiffany .. toodayy tiffany was still here& we just kinda hung out. she left a lil bit ago =X &&& oh yeahhh today was my birthday. it suckedddd. like, no one remembered. my mom & dad didnt even treat me like it was my birthday. they are such assholes sometimes. reallyyy hm sooo i guess thats all... truth is a whisper & only a choice nobody hears above this noise always a risk when you try & believe i know there's so much more than me sometimes you choke on the smell just to breathe i need to question what i need rhythm of silence that beats through your mind still you forget what you deny

you left a stain on every one of my good days yeah so like another day of hell. i just LOVE school, along with everything else. kill me please, you know you want to. my life sucks. like sure, everyone has their problems && their bad days. but i'm pretty darn sure they don't have these big obstacles that make absolutely no sense. k well here's my splendid day since i KNOW everyone cares. math- did these retarded shitttt history- my teacher thinks he's batman. hey, more power to him. biodiversity- wayyyy too much work lunch- hmm i fucking love megan && katelyn english- boringg study hall- homosexual to the fullest spanish- yeahh yeah mr burns loves me gym- have the love of my fucking LIFE: daina baldwin .. umm i have like harmony & some other cool people in there tooo.

so right now i feel icky. i have a sore throat in august? im kind of achy, tired.. & not to mention its so not pretty outside which automatically puts me into a slump. i can't believe school is here in a week. that's unbelievable. i thought we had, like, 3 more weeks. when i first got out of school i was like dying to go back. but now i don't want to. last year was awesome... pretty much no homework. but this year i NEED to do all of my homework, i NEED to do well. i need to stop obsessing over useless, disappointing boys. it never gets me anywhere. everything you've ever wanted comes the moment you stop looking. or so i've heard. so that's what i'm going to do. i'm gonna focus on work, even though it's not the FUNNEST thing. i want a good job & a future i can be proud of, i don't wanna regret just fucking around. sure, i'll still be my crazy self in class. in fact, i'm gonna be 10 times funnier than before (to make up for my homework/studying filled nights of woe). the guy i love.. idk. i hate using the word love. it makes me feel old, boring & serious. which of course, i'm none of those things. so allow me to humor myself by using the word "like". ok, so the guy i like.. he acts like he likes me ... everyone who knows i like him is convinced that he does.. but forgive me for being old fashioned, but you'd think he'd call once & a while.. or something to show he likes me. i'm so sick of worrying about it.. so i wont for now. if we dont have classes together i guess theres not much to run on anymore. we'll see. summer has come & passed the innocent can never last wake me up when september ends

whoa i havent been home in like a week.. monday- went to tiffany's & then we decided we wanted to go to daina's. so then we went there & chilled for like an hour then we met up with audrey sean & laken & hung out for a while... then later on i went home with tiffany tuesday- still at tiffanys wednesday- me & tiff came here & she slept over.. thursday- went to the galleria mall with tiff .. that mall is like the best but all the clothes sucked so yeahh i just got like perfume & panties .. then later on me tiffany, audrey & christina all went to the movies.. met up with joe...we had a great night x333333 friday morning me & audrey picked up daina & then took her back to tiffanys so it was me, tiffany, audrey, daina, christina, nicholas & anthony .. plus like 10 other guys? ummm mike, nino, trevor, pat betty,... uhh i dont remember the rest then we were with these like junior guys or something & joe riley told daina that she should bring us all back to his house...

sooo tiffany & i are ok now. thank GODD the only reason i was supposedly being a bad friend was bc audrey got everything confused & thought that i was trying to make her & tiffany mad at each other like i would waste me time or give anyone the satisfaction? AS IF. now it seems audrey feels like being a coward & wont talk to me. wow these herbs need to GROW UP. she thinks that she & tiffany are best friends. yes shes ONE of tiffanys best friends but ive been her sister for 11 years so ya you're beat you little fat fuck. these people are gonna fuckin deal with me well, okay. i made this up i promised you i'd never give up if it makes you happy it can't be that bad if it makes you happy then why the hell are you so sad? well, who hasn't been there before? well, okay. i still get stoned i'm not the kind of girl you'd take home well, okay. we get along so what if right now everything's wrong?

WOW. everything is SHIT right now. tiffany was here monday & we were planning on going to audreys. i told audrey ahead of time that i'm not going unless i get everything straightened out with joe. she was ok with that. time rolled around & i did not wanna go just like i thought. but the thing is tiffany's not allowed to sleep over aaudrey's unless i'm there. i guess her dad must trust me, like i would protect her from danger or something? anywayyy, so audrey was on the verge of hating us both bc of me & tiffany's dad. i spoke up & told audrey not to blame tiffany bc it was my fault (even though it wasn't...i didn't break any promises) & so then she backed off tiffany & stopped being mad at me too. idk why she was so mad in the first place.plans get changed all the time. what is it? a big fuckin deal? no, it's not. CHILLLLL but tiffany was like so upset, crying like a little fuckin dooshbag. she needs to seriously GROW UP. so then she went home bc she needed to be home? now she isnt talking to me? maybe she got mad that while she was begging & crying to her mom to PLEAAASE let her go to audrey's i was sitting there, laughing the whole time. i didn't give a fuck when audrey was upset, nothing. i just...don't care. period. but tiffany knows how i am, so idk why she's acting like half a fag. yeaaaa you dont wanna say a fuckin word to me? thats arite you dont have to say anything to me you fuckin piece of shit go get shot & fall down a flight of stairssss. audrey told me i was being pmsy lately? noo, that's them. i guess i AM overreacting. but it pisses me off that when i asked audrey if tiffany was mad at me she didn't say anything. i told her when tiffany was mad about her but do i get any fuckin rewards? i can't be selfish for ONCE IN MY FUCKIN LIFE without having everyone bust my balls? i need better friends. what is one fuckin night? its nothing. too bad you fuckos. i am sick of them OH MY GOD.

well i found out that brenda & joe are moving back to ny somewheree.. which SUCKSSSSS brenda was a cool friend & i wish we could have gotten to hang out more but the one i'm really gonna miss is joee. . . i finally found a really sweet, hot guy who liked me (even tho he also feels the same way about 898098 other girls, supposedly) & wat was really nice is i didnt even care about that. i didnt care about him at all, never worried about him, nothing. he made me feel really confident bc even after all the other girls he still wanted me. he asked to go to the movies tonight but i dont wanna go without tiffany & shes in brooklyn so go figure. idk why i dont wanna go with just him. i make massive amounts of sense, i know. well im out... gotta go to honesdale with mama dukessss

well i just got back from vacation it was good but now im so tired.. sunday- got up really early & left . . saw aunt betsy .. wow. she is a piece of work... halarious isnt enough to describe her... you don't even realize got unpacked & anne drove me to the movies to see wedding crashers that was halarious.. loves it got back a little after midnight then waited for tricia & fanelli to get there........ monday- we went to the beach & i saw my beautiful cousin jen tuesday we went to the mall & i hit up dkny & got some stuffff wednesday we went whale watching which was totally gay.... we didnt even see any whales--just dolphins but w.e todayy woke up && left .. im so tired right now its crazyyyy .. i miss everyone but im glad to be home i guess "ashley hunnie.. theres cops here.. try not to look so stoned!!"

ughh well today i was supposed to go to jesse freda's graduation party but my parents are mean so they're going instead...whaaateverr tomorrow i'm leaving for philly && then jershey shoree x333 it should be fun to get away from all of this boring crapp ughh joe calleddd the other day & i hung up on him...i feel bad now but hes retarded sometimes idk if i like him or not.. that other fuck i havent talked to in forveer so maybe ill like talk to him later in the week idk i was supposed to go to hershey with tomasello's but wouldn't you know that i have vacation the same time as them && i really wanted to go sooooo badd whatever i'm over it this could never start we could fall apart then i'd be your memoryy..

today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you by now you shoulda somehow realized what you gotta do. i don't believe anybody feels the way i do about you now everyday i wake up and it's sunday whatever's in my eye won't go away the radio is playing all the usual and what's a wonderwall anyway the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out i'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt

i'm riding home in pain again but that don't mean shit to you you're currently engaged in an intimate conversation with a young groupie or two they say "playas only love you when they're playing games.." still i gave my heart to you i should have stayed away like my friends all told me to well the dumping-joe thing worked out fine. he didn't even care. it was great cause i didn't wanna make him feel bad just incase he wasn't a total pig. but he was. so its okay. hmm so i'm not suree if my you know who likes someone or what =/ ughhh i've worked so hard for him to like me all year, if he doesn't like me idk what i will do. =[ ughhhhhh well these days have been mucho boring. i wake up at like noon, shower, eat, watch tv, internet, take a walk or go tanning or something outside, then back on heree all night until like 1 in the morning =X i desperately need a hobby. tiffanyy hasnt been here for like a week or something like that...never see audrey cause she always has to work =X & yeahh i don't have interest in anyone else =/ sooo maybe i should start asking peoplee if they wanna get together. idk. i dont even remember who i was friends with this year. pretty much everyone i guess? whateverrr. hmm today i saw diana auciello =] i love herrrx3 .. eh im so tired since i had to wake up at 10 this morning =X cause my parents are meaaann =[ weell i guess i'm going toooo try to talk to some people...

ugh i cant wait to talk to joe so i can dump him. last night we kinda decided that i would like to go out with him. not the smartest thing ever. i have no idea what i was thinking. i was acting drunk, so i'll just use that as an excuse. even though i do like him just a little, i still love *you know who* & hes the only one im ever gonna like for a while. even if me & him dont go out or anything, its not fair to joe if i go out with him if im not all that crazy about him. & im sure he doesnt wanna wait around for me to make up my mind .. so i just hope he comes online soon. i have been waiting all day to get this off my chest & its driving me insane. i hope he doesnt call me b.c i love the sound of his voice & hes so nice & it might be a bit tempting =/

ehh so nOw after 4097540 years of knOwin eaCh otheR maRy fOrgetS wheRe i live so we gOT loSt on sOme scARy rOaD .. sheS Like aSHley im sCareD! wHERE AREE WEe??? lmAOOo . . oh yeSs repOrt caRds tOdAYY .. hORRAYYYY i faiLed biO & 3 of my finALS .. daddy waSs nOt tOo pLeased abOut thaT oNEE =/ anthoNy was rally mad bOut tifansy for a seConD .. he scREamed at me & tolD me to go to my rOom .. hMmm even thOo i d0nt have a room cos i dont live theree? lmAOoo estera wast up & she lvoes me

me: do u even brush ur hair in the mornings nemore?!?!?! christina: i never did me: a wild one! magic ponies eating balogna pleasure plummer puddy thats wa i wanna lick off of u budyd ;-) christina: UR SO WEIRD LMAO me: oh horseradish our woefull lives WILL PREVAIL christina: hm u scare me sometimes me: ur grasp of the obvious remains undeminished! hi sexy are u a cowboy ur voice is soothing is it soothing in the bedroom too? christina: yes me: im feelin u & thas wussup christina: o god christina: ill give u the numba to my therapist

today chilled wit tiffany& then we aLL went to a baseball game in beach lake & admired all the hot boySs =) did randOm 'errands' &then we all had a niCee famiLy dineR at pizza hUTt =)<3

i went out for chinese then went to my uncles. he told me that he's gonna make me 5 courses about business (i think) & he's gonna make me quizes & for each one i do good on i'll get $100. that sounds really, really great. $500 just for LEARNING???? plus, if he gives me birthday money, that i'll be almost $1,000. i can't believe it!!!!!!! i love him!!!!! & he gave a key my wing of his house so now i can chill there whenever i want. not bad, not bad at all ;] well tomorrow i guess i'm not gonna be doing anything, but tuesday i'm going to masthope with tiffany & her mom... we're gonna go swimming & tanning.. so that should be fun. but we'll have to see whats up with the weather =/ hmm i still havent talked to him .. its been like 3 days =[ whatever, i guess i'll talk to him soon. i must admit, i miss him.