ok, here we go i had a boyfriend, who i actually loved with my heart and i gave him all of my heart. but he tore it out and steped on it... we broke up... after the second time we broke up he promised me he wouldnt date anyone, but not 4 days after he says that he is dating some ugly girl named katie... so basically im heart broken and i feel like i cant go on, i cried for days and i couldnt sleep and i practiced about 3 hours a day the couple weeks after we broke up... my heart is still torn up because of it. so then i start talking to james, who at first was a rebound then i started to have feelings. and so we started hanging out more and more, but nothing really happened, then just recently he started to actually have feelings for me and show them, but then he started to get weird also, like he started to change... and all my feelings of more than friendship is gone... and i figure that tonight i should tell him... but this is what i fear. katie and steve have broken up, and ever since the beginning i have seen us together forever, and i never knew what to do. i never know what to do. but i fear that the reasons why i dont have feelings for james anymore is because of steve. but right now i dont what a relationship, i have too much baggage that i cant give james my whole heart and i just dont have feelings anymore. he's a great friend and i refuse to lose him as a friend, i just dont want more... please give me feedback

i forgot about this thing, holy shit schools great lifes great so far, you're dear anna at school has undergone many auditions, many drunken nights, and even a very sore heartbreak... very sore he was a jack ass i hate him now he can kiss it cause now im dating his good friend, who is hotter and i like him more.... hahaha its the truth so werd to all those biatches out there in the lou, i'll be home for a month for xmas, so hit me up... shibby kids... i might update this later ♥

well im here...

its 8 days till im out of this shit hole

so i chilled w/ those sXe kids, one of who i know cause he went to my school, but we never talked in person, just on the phone and online, weird i know... ohh and he sent me pics of his penis via AIM i started to pack today... its amazing how much of my life im taking w/ me... it doesnt seem like that much but i feel like im forgetting something. i feel bad for hanging out w/ my friends and not my parents, but i think im gonna try and chill w/ friends all day and then hang w/ parents at night, i know its pathetic, but im moving... not just to another county, but to a whole other fucking state... called kentucky... why the fuck would i want to go to kentucky, i dont know, its just felt right at the time, and it still does... its just amazing that im actually leaving and working on my carear. last night i thought i was gonna die... i started to show the symptoms of withdrawl, cause im stopping before i go to college, well it was terrible... so i left beccas somewhat tipsy and dying... ryan met me at my house and gave me some pills that will give me the same high, but to only take them when i feel like that again... for those of you who think ryan is the one who got me started on all this shit, he is one of the few actually supporting me to stop... so thats the truth

so tonight im chilling w/ some sXe kids... a different scene than my likings but im gonna try it i havent chilled w/ these kids in a while, so we will see what happens its just one night w/o the distractions i have been having the past couple months.

so i needed some change, just something new in my life, so i decided for hair color

i know you care about me i know you love me and i know you think im fucking up my life but i dont know what to do right now andrew fucking killed himself, he overdosed on fucking pills and right now i dont know what to do. the pain is unbearable, being blamed for his suicide is possibly the worse feeling ever. i just remember his parents calling and yelling at me saying that i drove him to this, i dont know how i did, but they blamed it on me. i went to his wake and his mom wouldnt even look at me, my heart droped, i cried, he looked so peaceful in his jeans and his favorite band shirt. i slipped a dollar into his casket cause he always wanted a buck to get something off the dollar menue at mc donalds. i looked at his pale face that is usually tan and just cried, why the fuck would he do this to himself? he was my friend, my first kiss, i used to paint his fingernails, we went to concerts together, we partied together, my brother actually liked him...why the hell would he do this? i thought he told me everything, but he didnt, he didnt tell us anything. i dont want to go to murray anymore because i dont want to leave the memories, they may be bad memories, but i dont want to let go of what he taught me. im devistated. when i heard he killed himself i droped to the ground crying, ryan came right over and just held me...i cried, i hate crying, but it feels like someone just ripped out my heart. its hard to deal w/ this, really hard this summer has been the worse yet the best ever, i lost great friends i had, i gained new ones, but anthony and alex wont be replacable, and i know its my fault, but when someone doesnt approve of my choices i dont see how it can work, i hate being pestered all the time i know my choices are wrong, but you dont know how hard i hav been trying to quit. i am now 3 days clean even including cigs...its hard i cry every night. i shake and get irritated and pick at my skin, becca is in cali, and i cant get ahold of her, my sister is gonig through a break up and i cant get a hold of her and my brother is always working. i dont know who to go to who will accept me as me. i am always putting up a front to make me seem like the nice girl that i am not...i am a sick twisted girl that people hate, but i cant help it, i have formed into this person by mistake and i just cant seem to part from it i just want you to know, i didnt take you off my friends list, i just took you off my girlfriends list i just want you to know that i know you care, and i appreciate that, but i have to do this on my own i just want to apologize for yelling at you. im sorry i fucked up and i am fucked up

im not gonna do this anymore...sorry, but its not like anybody read it...so it was nice while it lasted... goodbye and fuck off

people suck.

(x) smoked a cigarette (x) smoked a cigar (x) smoked anything else (x) kiss a member of the same sex ( ) crashed a friend's car (x) stolen a car- ((its a funny story really)) ( ) been in love (x) been dumped (x) shoplifted ( ) been fired (x) been in a fist fight (x) snuck out of parent's house (x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back ( ) been arrested (x) made out with a stranger (x) gone on a blind date (x) lied to a friend ( ) had a crush on a teacher (x) skipped school ( ) slept with a co-worker ( ) seen someone die (x) had/have a crush on one of your MYSPACE friends ( ) been to Canada ( ) been to Mexico (x) been on a plane (x) thrown up in a bar (x) purposely set a part of yourself on fire (x) eaten Sushi (x) been snowboarding (x) met someone BECAUSE of myspace- more like stlpunk (x) been moshing at a concert ( ) been in an abusive relationship (x) taken painkillers ( ) love someone right now (x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by (x) made a snow angel (x) had a tea party (x) flown a kite (x) built a sand castle (x) gone puddle jumping (x) played dress up (x) jumped into a pile of leaves (x) gone sledding (x) cheated while playing a game (x) been lonely (x) fallen asleep at work/school (x) used a fake ID (x) watched the sun set (x) felt an earthquake (x) touched a snake (x) been tickled (x) been robbed (x) robbed someone (x) been misunderstood (x) pet a reindeer/goat (x) won a contest (x) ran a red light ( ) been suspended from school (x) had detention (x) been in a car accident ( ) had braces ( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night (x) had deja vu (x) danced in the moonlight -with myself (x) hated the way you look (x) witnessed a crime (x) pole danced -in my basement (x) questioned your heart (x) been obsessed with post-it notes (x) squished barefoot through the mud (x) been lost (x) been to the opposite side of the country (x) swam in the ocean (x) felt like dying (x) cried yourself to sleep (x) played cops and robbers (x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers (x) sung karaoke (x) paid for gas with only coins (x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't (x) made prank phone calls (x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose (x) caught a snowflake on your tongue (x) kissed in the rain (x) written a letter to Santa Claus (x) kissed under a mistletoe (x) blown bubbles ( ) made a bonfire on the beach (x) crashed a party ( ) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people (x) gone rollerskating/blading (x) had a wish come true ( ) humped a monkey (x) worn pearls (x) jumped off a bridge (x) screamed "penis" in class -haha i did that all the time! (x) ate dog food/bone (x) told a complete stranger you loved them (x) sang in the shower (x) have a little black dress (x) fucked in a park -geeze im a bad person (x) fucked in the bathoom (x) had a dream that you married someone (x) glued your hand to something ( ) superglued your lips together ( ) got your tongue stuck to a pole ( ) kissed a fish (x) worn the opposite sexes clothes ( ) been a cheerleader (x) sat on a roof top ( ) had sex at a church (x) screamed at the top of your lungs ( ) done a one-handed cartwheel (x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours (x) stayed up all night ( ) didn't take a shower for a week (x) pick n ate an apple right off the tree (x) climbed a tree (x) had a tree house (x) are scared to watch scary movies alone (x) believe in ghosts (x) have more than 30 pairs of shoes (x) worn a really ugly outfit to school (x) gone streaking (x) played ding-dong-ditch (x) played chicken fight (x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on (x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger (x) broken a bone (x) been easily amused ( ) caught a fish then ate it (x) made porn -all the time! (x) caught a butterfly (x) laughed so hard you cried (x) cried so hard you laughed (x) mooned/flashed someone (x) had someone moon/flash you (x) cheated on a test (x) forgotten someone's name (x) slept naked (x) French braided someones hair (x) gone skinny dippin in a river/any water ( ) been kicked out of your house ok, so am i bad person now?? lol

thats maddy, she rocks big sunglasses ghetto style! my new hair did, eventho you cant see it, but its cool it feels good to be gangsta yea baby, look at my picture on the top! its the same one! weird! thats my "scene" look, im so scene i cant stand it!

hey everybody, i havent been really in the mood to update lately...so i figure its about time.... lets see...i graduated...yes, went to the senior celebration, which was fun times spent with maddy, ali, danielle, jenny, jennifer and even jeff...haha i will put pictures on here soon... hmm...since then i have just been spending time w/ friends, went to alis grad party which was fun of silly string fights, introductions, and text messages...maddy, do you wanna cuddle?? tehe now i am at my sisters place for a couple of days...which she is pretty much saving my life cause i always get in trouble right before my bday ((which is friday...the big 1-8)) so basically i just stay here till wednesday night go to orchestra rehersal ((HEATHER! im in peter pan!! so we will see eachother! woo hoo!!)) ok, then thursday both my parents work, so i will just hang out that day and then friday is the big day!!! im sooo excited! friday is gonna rock cause this is what i wanna do, i wanna go get my tattoo and possibly piercing (( i was thinking of a dirty piercing, but i dunno, maybe just my bellybutton (and before you cringe i have realized that if you dont wanna see it you dont have to) but i dunno)) wow that was confusing! ok anyway, my tattoo is gonna be a star right above my cooter...hehe im excited! then i am gonna do the whole cigerette buying, porn buying and lotto ticket buying, so if any of my underage friends want porn, just tell me and give me money and i shall buy it for you! yess! ok...then that night i wanna go see "lords of dogtown" at like 9 or something, and please come along! i want my birthday to rock! and then after that i am ofcourse going to the strip club... haha, i told my sister about it and she wants to go...but she wants to go to "boxers and briefs" which is not a titty bar but i guess a weiney bar! lol...but she said she would take me and her gay friend! so it should be fun. so if any of my "of age" friends wanna go to the strip club, your more than welcome...but if your not, please go to the movie to hang out and such...last years birthday rocked, and i wanna keep it the same! well because im at my sisters house and she is at work, i must take care of thier puppy which is 3 months and weighs 50 lbs...its a big puppy, and i think her b/fs brother is comming over too, so i dunno, it should be intresting i'll post later! toodles hey if you wanna save me, call or text my phone! <3 anna

too much to drink tonight smoked to mcuh too i made some new friends tonight, i wish i were cool christopher called greg a slut...i wondwer if ist true? damn then! BRITHDAY ON FRIDAY...YEA 18 anna Your Heart is Orange What Color is Your Heart? brought to you by Quizilla How random are you? this quiz was made by alanna

I FUCKING GRADUATED BITCHES!!!!