But hey, i cant deny its kinda catchy. old stuff is deffintialy better. but......... Love love love love love love Woo! You were everything I wanted You were everything a girl could be Then you left me brokenhearted Now you don't mean a thing to me All I wanted was your Love love love love love love Hate is a strong word But I really really really don't like you Now that it's over I don't even know what I liked about you Brought you around And you just brought me down Hate is a strong word But I really really really don't like you I really don't like you Thought that everything was perfect (Perfect) Isn't that how it's supposed to be? Thought you thought that I was worth it Now I think a little differently All I wanted was your Love love love love love love Hate is a strong word But I really really really don't like you (I really don't like you) Now that it's over I don't even know what I liked about you (Liked about you) Brought you around And you just brought me down Hate is a strong word But I really really really don't like you Now that it's over you can't hurt me Now that it's over you can't bring me down Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh All I wanted was your Love love love love love love Hey! Hate is a strong word But I really really really don't like you (I really don't like you) Now that it's over I don't even know what I liked about you (Liked about you) Brought you around And you just brought me down (Hey!) Hate is a strong word But I really really really don't like you Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh I really don't like you Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh I really don't like you Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh I really don't like you Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh

=dawson. He drowns in his dreams An exquisite extreme I know He's as DAMNED as he seems And more heaven than a heart could hold And if I try to save him My whole world would cave in It just ain't right It just ain't right Oh when I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful Such a beautiful disaster And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster His magic and myth As strong as what I believe A tragedy with More damage than a soul should see But do I try to change him So hard not to blame him Hold me tight Baby, hold me tight Oh cuz I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful Such a beautiful disaster And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster I'm longing for love and the logical But he's only happy hysterical I'm searching for some kind of miracle Waited so long ive waited So long He's soft to the touch But frayed at the ends he breaks He's never enough And still he's more than I can take Oh and I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful Such a beautiful disaster And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster He's beautiful Such a beautiful disaster

"I'm A Fake" [Spoken:] Small, simple, safe price Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals And I am not afraid to die I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight. I want the pain of payment What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks Would you be my little cut? Would you be my thousand fucks? And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart Love is not like anything Especially a fucking knife Look at me, you can tell By the way I move and do my hair Do you think that it's me or it's not me? I don't even care I'm alive I don't smell I'm the cleanest I have ever been. I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry) Just look at me, look at me now I'm a fake [x4] Just look at me, look at me now I'm a fake [x4] Do I drink? Do I date? I've got perfect placement all my ink Satisfied, in your eyes I'm the biggest fan I've got right now I made sure, that I look how I wanted to look The people around me, the people surround me I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry) Just look at me, look at me now I'm a fake [x4] Just look at me, look at me now I'm a fake [x4] Just look at me now. I'm a fake [x2] Just look at me now. I'm a fake [x2] My stomach hurts now, and all tied off in lace I pray, I beg for anything, to hit me in the face and this sickness isn't me, I pray to fall from grace The last thing I see is feeling And I'm telling you I'm a fake [x4] And I'm telling you I'm... Just look at me, look at me now I'm a fake [x4] Just look at me, look at me now I'm a fake [x4] Just look at me now. I'm a fake [x2] Just look at me now. I'm a fake [x2] Fake! Fake! Fake! Genuine fake!

Visit you at baskin robins all the time To let you know that i am yours and you are mine So we can take long walks through central park And hold each others hands to fight the dark So you know you're never on your own So you know you're never on your own My bonnie lies over the ocean My bonnie lies over sea And every night at 2 am I wonder why can't she lie close to me. I hope you listen to me every night before you go to sleep And know that someone in HB is thinking of you, Bonnie Remember all the time you let me walk you to class And you would kiss my cheek and i'd never have to ask You're going away in late september But here's a thanks for a summer i'll always remember. So you know you're never on your own So you know you're never on your own [x2] My bonnie lies over the ocean My bonnie lies over sea And every night at 2 am I wonder why can't she lie close to me THis is soo cute!

Image marred by self-infliction Private wars on my soul waged Heart is scarred by dual volitions Juxtaposed and both engaged Kindle flame, a test of faith Pray help me see it through I put all my trust in you Refine hate and love Fall afresh on me End this crisis of Identity Draw this darkness out like poison Stab, retrieve, again decline Help me drive the dagger deeper Trace with me explicit line Take this blade, a test of faith, And strike me deep and true I put all my trust in you Refine hate and love Fall afresh on me End this crisis of Identity This is my voice, all shadows stayed this is my heart, upon the altar laid Please take all else away, hear my cry, I beg, I plead, I pray I'll walk into the flame, a calculated risk to further bless your name So strike me deep and true, and in your strength I will live and die both unto you =love.

Own My Own. Own my own pretending he's beside me All alone I walk with him till morning. Without him I feel his arms around me And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me. In the rain the pavement shines like silver All the lights are misty in the river In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight... And all I see is him and me forever and forever. And I know it's only in my mind That I'm talking to myself and not to him. And although I know that he is blind Still I say, there's a way for us. I love him! But when the night is over, He is gone, the river's just a river. Without him the world around me changes, The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers. I love him! But every day I'm learning, All my life I've only been pretending. Without me his world would go on turning, A world that's full of happiness that I have never known, I love him...I love him...I love him, But only on my own. Someone did a winter guard show to this..and i heard it and i was like omg i have heard that song before..and i almost cried...i was liek omg where have a heard that song..and it was from dawsons creek..then i just remebered what meaning it had...and i just wanna call this song..amazing

crazy? maybe. Be quiet, don’t make a sound with the footsteps that touch the ground which were crushing the leaves of my remorse. Like a sad song, this lullaby whispers, sleeping, and sweet goodnight, and I loved you, you never had to say.

Everyone listen to it now. on purevolumn..voice orgasmic..literally. Is it still me that makes you sweat? Am I who you think about in bed? When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress? Then think of what you did And how I hope to God he was worth it. When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as you're fingers touch your skin. I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat? No, no, no you know it will always just be, me Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close? So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close? So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off? (Let's pick up, pick up) Oh now I do recall, we just were getting to the part Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick. I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention. Now let's not get selfish Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus? Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close? So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close? Dance to this beat Dance to this beat Dance to this beat Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat? No, no, no you know it will always just be, me Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close? So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close? So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Dance to this beat So testosterone boys and harlequin girls Dance to this beat And hold a lover close Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster

eww. homecoming is in one month. and im not excited. i dont like going to dances. and i deffinitaly dont want to go alone. and i havent gone to a dance alone yet. and im not excited! haha so i talked ot adam today.. he started the talking. im happy!! Justin followed me around chem today. in the lab then in the classroom.. it was fun!! i love ashli peterson.. or what ever her last name is.. she is awsome!! ight welll nothing really is goin on.. love.

Im so satisfied with life right now. I have amazing people all around me. grantide i wish some people would go away but for the most part im content. I love guard. i love water polo most of the time. I love the way me and sarah and alex communicate. i love the way my friends come to me with there problems so i dont have to think about mine. i love crying in my car. i love my new hair. i love my homecoming jewlery. i love karen, megan, and steph. i love kristen and curt together. i love how i got them together but i cant get myself together. i lvoe talking to fer about adam. i love planning ways to talk to adam even though it will never ever happen. i love music. i love my ap lit project that is gunna be amazing. i love thinking. i love sitting back and observing. i love looking back on life and seeing that it influenced me and makes me the way i am now. i love laughing until u fall to the ground. i love taking funny picture. i love doing completely impulsive things like getting all of ur hair chopped of. i love going to shows. i love the idea of cleaning my room. i love colorado. i love being with my family. i love being trapped anyone where with my familiy or my immediate family and teh McKays when it is raining. i love my sitdiary. i love the feeling in my stomack when u text me. i love sarcasm. i love reading. i love getting caught up in books. i love laguna beach. i love dawsons creek. i love my passion for skating even though its over. i love smiling. i love making this list. i love walking in the rain. i love crying in the rain. i love waking up early to see your two best frineds waiting on you to go to swim practice then after practice goin and making disgusting pancakes then spending all day forcing them to watch dawsons creek. i love knowing somethjing are just fantisy and the hope will never fade and its the only thing you will always have. i love hoodies. i love people you could just go away from and come back and everything is the same. i love cole, kait, kelsey, courtney, and britt. i love not knowing what comes next. i love the sound of skates on the ice. i love mishelle where ever she is right now i hope the best for her and her little girl. i love mandy and i hope where ever she is happy and she has finally found a place where she can be her and not be perseved wrongly and that her and chris are better. i love everyone who has ever overcome depression on their own. i love so many things i could go on. if i love all of those things. and all of those people. why do i feel like this. why are you so much to me. I know you dont care. but the hard part is what you said me. its how you make me feel. You make me smile but once its over i just dont no what to do wiht myself. Kelsey told me it was funy that i was deveating a plan to get to hang out wiht Adam. she told me i had never acted this way before. i have never like someone who i didnt already know. i have never wanted to just get to know someone before. i have never wanted something like this before. I want to get to know him better b.c he is a nice guy. and i think after everything i have done. im ready to look back and i appreciate david so much. I have been thinking about it a lot lately and i want something agian. i want to mean somehting to someone again. and to have something to care about. But with you i just cant get over you. its just not working Everyone always asks me what i see in you. i jsut dont no what to say. but i foudn an icon and its asks taht question and the answer is everything. i see everything in you. i see who you dont want anyone to see. its form our couple of talks when i was sad that you probably dont even remember. you gave me a glimps of someone i didnt no excisted. but also see who you want everyone to see. and what drives me crazy is that is what i like. I have always liked the people who are complete ass;s. the ones i knew would hurt me. its just something b.c i believe i deserve it. I wasnt good when i was younger i fucked myself up. that was bad. i wasnt nice good or anything to travis, Me and David just had a special something where if we did or felt anything for anyone else the frist thing we did was talk to each other. b.c we new that that we liked each other so much deep then taht. but could i have ever just been o i like david and only david. i dont deserve a good guy for all of those reasons. im not a bad perosn i no that. but i dont desterve someone who would treat me right. or even like me. i desereve someone who willl be mean ot me. and hurt me, and everything else of that nature. But i just want somethien else. wheather i deserve it or not. i want it. But i still dont understand. i have overcome worse problems then this. but its just tearing me down. i can barely do it. Im so happy. i love so many things as u see before. but i guess i just feel incomplete. wow i think that its. but i have no chance of getting a guy. i just dont understand why. i hate how im not gunna make this private. i hate how im talking to you right now. i hate even though ur an ass and u have been mean to me im still gunan burn u that cd. i hate how if you ever decided to give me the time of day i dont have the will power or self confidence or self worth to say no. i hate how i will probbaly never get to know adam better. i hate how i will probably never have a guy. i hate how i cant even hang on brandon anymore. he used to help me so much b/c i could flirt wiht him and have lay on him like a boy wiht know feelings. i hate how i dont actually hate any thing i just said. i like feeling like this. i like it tairing me apart. i like the fact taht i try even though i no i dont have a chance. it gives me something to do. god this entry is long. its just everthing that is in my head since water polo. its just EVERYTHING. i think your paying me back for last year. i deserve that to. ~to a nameless person~ i love each and everyone of you. you have all touched me life in someway. i know i might never tell some of you this. but its true. ill carry each one of you with me forever.

Let me know that I've done wrong When I've known this all along I go around a time or two Just to waste my time with you Tell me all that you've thrown away Find out games you don't wanna play You are the only one that needs to know I'll keep you my dirty little secret (Dirty little secret) Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret (Just another regret, hope that you can keep it) My dirty little secret Who has to know When we live such fragile lives It's the best way we survive I go around a time or two Just to waste my time with you Tell me all that you've thrown away Find out games you don't wanna play You are the only one that needs to know I'll keep you my dirty little secret (Dirty little secret) Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret (Just another regret, hope that you can keep it) My dirty little secret Who has to know The way she feels inside (inside) Those thoughts I can't deny (deny) These sleeping dogs won't lie (won't lie) And all I've tried to hide It’s eating me apart Trace this line back I'll keep you my dirty little secret (Dirty little secret) Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret (Just another regret) I'll keep you my dirty little secret (Dirty little secret) Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret (Just another regret, hope that you can keep it) My dirty little secret Dirty little secret Dirty little secret Who has to know Who has to know

Merfolks got third place! tell me how amazing i am!! things i am missing. ax's b-day Jessicas b-day Bretts show Kelsey b-day Skyline show Camping wiht Jeremy and David all u no all other small things! And why??? well......im an amazing friend! mmmm i get to go to the Cardinals game on Wensday! i want to go camping..but real camping not fake camping like we do now!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~lyricals~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ where are you tonight... wraped up in some bedroom scream for dear sweet you... so why not end it all in one shot this rope tied in a perfect knot Gasoline kisses for everyone: i think id be lieing if i said i didnt miss this silpping off the egdes of bed i know i can kiss you better than that one more try one more goodnight dont pull away so fast 10 more seconds is all i ask. .. hear songs of this canser coming on i love the sound of ur voice breaking off. HEY PrettY whats on ur Mind? ******PARK

3 out of 4 of u!! uggg then u all just and ugggggg Swim Conference tomorrow "at the butt crack of dawn" said by brandon All American Rejects The Last Song This may be the last thing that I write for long Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song, for you and only you As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye My foot is out the door, and you can't stop me now You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back Now I'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want Is this what you need, how you end up let me know. As I go, remember all the simple things you know, My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when I'm gone This is the last song The hearts start breaking as the year is gone The dream's beginning and the time rolls on It seems so surreal, now I sing it. Somehow I knew that it would be this way, Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade. Now I am gone, just try and stop me now. You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back Now I'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want Is this what you need, how you end up let me know. As I go, remember all the simple things you know, My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when I'm gone This is the last song And will you need me now, you'll find a way somehow You want it too, I want it too. As I go, remember all the simple things you know, My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when I'm gone This is the last song [repeat 2x]

Last night when i got Sarahs call My heart skipped about a million and twelve beats! I no hes fine and what not. but its so sad and it really hit home. I miss him. and i want to see him and no what happened. and make sure hes ok and. enough said. I just read the entry on whatcomesnext about the time i told him to fuck off. and it makes me sad b.c no im extremely worried. and if i was to see him. what do u say to someone you once told to fuck off and that thye disgusted you. after they brake their neck. i dunno. NE way i have just way to much time to worrie about this. I HOPE IT WASNT HIM.. I HOPE IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE. patterns of misery cover my body one for a cry for help two to rid my pain three to never turn back all because i deserve it! my heart gaurded the wall of misery the wall of let down my guard built up but ill prepared for this moment when u saw me behind the mask under the lies beyond the outside pain to the real me u see me bleeding inside!

I have been thinking a lot about my future such as college and shit lately. and this is what i have got. Major: nursing Minor: psycology We just have to see what ASR has to bring to the table here! SMS-Yea bitches, good hockey team Northern Colorado-first choice Truman-eh eh eh, Mizzou-god help me. my last resort! Something in Boston b.c they have good children disease hospitals! ~~~~~guess what is behind this line~~~~~~~~~ Songs for a mixtape Ataris today I made you a mix tape and I decorated it with lots of stars. it had all my favorite songs. there was jawbreaker and armchair martian built to spill and the descendents. hell I even put one of ours on it. falling for you was the easy thing to do. if only somehow I could make you hang around. today I made you a mix tape to say exactly how I feel inside and make you feel it to. these are the songs that make me smile and cry myself to sleep at night when I'm lying without you. I love you more than I ever loved anyone before. hey silly girl I'm begging you. all of these songs they remind me of you I hope that you like this song. did you ever listen to the words and melody do you feel the pain inside the way that it hurts me? when your in your room at night I hope you'll be singing along. and make me a tape of your favorite songs. Nightswimming R.E.M Nightswimming deserves a quiet night. The photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago, Turned around backwards so the windshield shows. Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse. Still, it?s so much clearer. I forgot my shirt at the water?s edge. The moon is low tonight. Nightswimming deserves a quiet night. I?m not sure all these people understand. It?s not like years ago, The fear of getting caught, Of recklessness and water. They cannot see me naked. These things, they go away, Replaced by everyday. Nightswimming, remembering that night. September?s coming soon. I?m pining for the moon. And what if there were two Side by side in orbit Around the fairest sun? That bright, tight forever drum Could not describe nightswimming. You, I thought I knew you. You I cannot judge. You, I thought you knew me, This one laughing quietly underneath my breath. Nightswimming. The photograph reflects, Every streetlight a reminder. Nightswimming deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night. All that i've got The used o deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me Off guard, red handed Now I'm far from lonely Asleep I still see you lying next to me So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I.. I need something else Would someone please just give me Hit me, knock me out And let me go back to sleep I can laugh All I want inside I still am empty So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I... I'll be just fine Pretending I'm not I'm far from lonely And it's all that I've got I'll be just fine Pretending I'm not I'm far from lonely And it's all that I've got I guess, I remember every glance you shot me Un-harmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat I squoze so hard I stopped your heart from beating So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me, I.. I'll be just fine Pretending I'm not I'm far from lonely And it's all that I've got I'll be just fine Pretending I'm not I'm far from lonely And it's all that I've got And it's all that I've got Yeah, it's all that I've got It's all that I've got It's all that I've got It's all that I've got! So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me I'll be just fine Pretending I'm not I'm far from lonely And it's all that I've got I'll be just fine Pretending I'm not I'm far from lonely And it's all that I've got And it's all that I've got Yeah, it's all that I've got

Every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure forever and ever.. event the sweetest dream wont do b/c i stil miss you!!! my car got towed yesterday!! sad.. i have my moms now.. im getting a new fon today i hope.. i gave kaitlin a bumber sticker! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~lyrics~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My heart is in my hands My head is in the clouds My feet have left the ground My life is turning around and round And every voice inside my head is telling me to run like mad Oh bows and arrows stars and sunsets hey hey hey yeah hey hey hey yeah Every heartbeat, every kiss just Makes me wonder what all this is Suits of armour Hearts and arrows Hey hey hey ye-eah! Please don't think of me If you do you gotta block it I got chills tonight And you can't be here to stop it I'm not a parasite It's just a lonely night Tonight I walked from the bar 'Cause they were only laughing I wished on our star But they covered it in satin I'm not a gigolo That's what I want you to know Tonight Ooh ooh I've hurt you I can see Ooh ooh Do you think it's not hurting me Ooh ooh The grass ain't always green And if it's hurting you You know that's its hurting me You know that's its hurting me You'll meet other men Who will break your heart If I see you with them It's gonna tear me apart

i have become perfectly happy wiht being unhappy!! i may sound crazy but im not i promise!! Im not fucking emo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM BREAKING OUT OF THIS HEL!!! LAST DAY!! PRACTICE!!! TIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lonly

If i tell u im easy will u love me If i do whatever u want will u respect me If i get on other guys will u be true to me i want u to want me him: no that doesnt make me love u, respect you, or be true to you. YOU: hell yes i will love u, respect u, and be true to you. the truth is that is the deffinition of hypocricy!! I will find someone else.. rather then demorlize myself to have what i want!! in the big sceam of everything, you are the microscopic germ on the cleanest counter in the country!!! so today was neat..old warm and fuzzy feelings..oo so welcomed shes crazy(funny crazy)!!!! does that mean somthing? I waNNa be the surgeon that cuts you OPEN and fixes all of lIFe's MISTAKES I wanna Be the house that you were RAISED in the only place that you feel safe i would do anything for u!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~lyrics~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Maybe when the room is empty Maybe when this bottle’s full Maybe when the door gets broke down love can break in Maybe when I’m done with thinking Maybe you can think me whole Maybe when I’m done with endings this can begin This can begin, this can begin You could be my punk rock princess I could be your garage band king You could tell me why you just don’t fit in And how you’re gonna be somethin’ Maybe when your hair gets darker Maybe when your eyes get wide Maybe when the walls are smaller there will be more space Maybe when I’m not so tired Maybe you can step inside Maybe when I look for things that I can’t replace I can’t replace, I can’t replace You could be my punk rock princess I could be your garage band king You could tell me why you just don’t fit in And how you’re gonna be somethin’ If I could be your first real heart ache I would do it over again You could be my punk rock princess I could be like heroin It was this time last year You’re so much different now You watch the traffic clear You hear the cars spin out I never thought you’d last I never dreamed you would You watch your life go past You wonder if you should If you should be my punk rock princess So I could be your garage band king You could tell me why you just don’t fit in And how you’re gonna be somethin’ If I could be your first real heart ache I would do it over again If you could be my punk rock princess I could be like heroin Whoa oh you know, you only burn my bridges Whoa oh you know, you just can’t let it sink in Whoa oh you know, you only burn my bridges Who oh you know, you just can let it sink in You could be my heroine