my current mood is depressed, which is something that i am not often. but right now i am. i've been listening to love songs and thinking about everything that's transpired and i feel so sad. i haven't gotten sad enough to squeeze out a tear, but i feel like if i spend another minute wallowing in my lonliness, i'll be pretty much a wreck. i figured since i never had a boyfriend in middle school or high school, college would be good for me. and i guess in a sense it was, i met mike.. who i thought was great. and it was, for a few months. but then you come to find people aren't really who they say they are and the last couple years have pretty much been a lie. i question mike's feelings for me all the time. i wonder if he actually ever loved me, or if he just loved the idea of someone adoring his every move. he had me wrapped around his finger and completely manipulated which he used to his advantage. i never hurt him once. not even in the slightest bit. and he did nothing but break me down for two years before he finally decided he'd had enough torturing me. i see him now, after all the damage has been done and the wounds have started to heal.. and he still tries to play me with that casanova bullshit he calls game. anyway, he hurt me.. and bad. and i'm really pissed about it because i don't see where people get off hurting innocent people for fun. i feel like it's an olympic sport i may have not been informed about. and there's alot of people out there who just go running around breaking hearts for fun. and if you're one of those people reading this, go fuck off. but i digress. i'm just sad because i feel like i deserve the chance to be disgustingly and ridiculously cute with. i'm sick of not having someone to wake up next to in the morning, or go out places with, blahh just everything. i feel like i'm always going to end up alone no matter what. i have the worlds worst judgment, time, and luck with guys in the whole entire world. it's so stupid.. i'm always single or caught up in some torrid love affair or raunchy hookup. and i'd like to think i'm a little better than that. blah, i'm just the nice girl that always finishes last :(