God, I need you so much right now....Why am I lacking so much faith? Why is it so hard to let go and trust that you will get this done? Why does it have to hurt so much? Why am I still lacking faith in him? He's proved himself completely...yet, I can't bring myself to do it.... and I know that hurts him...that is the last thing in the world I want to do... Why am I having such a hard time understanding this? Understanding the pain they are going through...I feel so selfish, Lord. I feel like I just want it to be over with so I can be happy and be who I want to be...yet, I don't feel good about it. Please Lord, help me to be what I need to be..I struggle in this so much... I feel like a failure, that I only let everyone down...I haven't given him any reason to have faith in me and it kills me so much for him to be dissapointed....and I try, I try so hard to undestand this, so hard to be sensitive, to be a rock...and then I get so upset and discouraged when He's in pain, because 1)He's hurting and I wish I could take it all away and 2) because I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose him...He's my everything........ Lord, Please forgive me for my selfishness, for wanting to control this situation...I pray that you can give me the strength to follow your ways and act as if I want your ways, because in all honesty, as selfish as I am, I want your ways more than anything else...please help me to live that... Please help him to stay firm, please dwell in him and give him Your strength.. Comfort her and let her know You are here... I know that I need to trust you in this, for if I don't, I'm going to knock myself short of the blessings when you are done.... I will rest in this.. "it hurts... but the pain fades, and the beauty remains" You are amazing God..Thankyou for your Grace -Me