A bunch of mixed emotions going on today... I feel great one minute, feel like junk the next...I have been sick so maybe that is playing into it...I'm like an emotional rollercoaster I swear...I'm also PMSing so that could explain a lot... My faith shifts every moment....I truly believe everything will be great at one point and the next I think I see my future going down the hole.. Why am I so freakin itimidated? I shouldn't be...atleast for the most part I don't think I should be. I have no clue whats going on anymore, whats going to happen...I know what I hope for and believe should happen, but I guess I'm not spending enough time praying about it...making sure that its not just my will...I could do more.... (minutes later) ...I prayed a bit, told God about all the things I'm frustrated with, all the things I want to change...its so hard. So hard to give up control, so hard to let go, so hard to be patient and so hard to understand.....but all these things I've asked God to take away from me...for Him to actually handle them. I know that now that I did that, things will be okay, He has my best interest at heart. I read a quote about love and it is completely true... "To aim at love instead of being loved requires sacrifice. Love reaches out, willing to be turned down or inconvenienced, expecting no personal reward wanting only to give." I'm finding it hard to live up to this...its so hard to sacrifice, I feel I have sacrificed so much already...but I need to be willing to put things before me and love with all that I am. Even if that means not getting my way. I feel better now, I know that it will be okay and I know that if I continue to grow and bring things to God it only leaves room for improvemtent... Its a hard road ahead...but the end of it is beautiful and amazing