i want to cut. there is nothing around to do it with. i am at school and i want to cut. i found out yesterday that my grandma is dying. i said goodbye to her yesterday. i dont want anymre death around me. NONE. people need to stop dying, stop leaving. like christina did. I just read thru some old e-mails she sent me and the whole time it was weird b/c its hard to read them knowing what i know now.. how could she be so cruel to me. And why would she just leave one day. why did she jsut leave us. I was always there for her. ALWAYS. now i need someone and there is noone. absolutley noone. I hate it. I hate everyone and everything. FUCK IT ALL. i hate being alive right now. i just need someone who isnt yelling all the time and who isnt bitching all the time. or leaving me. I want a family and a boyfreind who doesnt get mad at me sooo much. Even for cutting hell be mad but i dont care. He'll get over it. or hell leave me i guess, it doesnt matter. nothing maters....