it's been a year 1 year woop. yay for me. a year of shit a year of pain a year of falling deeper a year of distroying myself even more a year yay.

hmm stacey can you find moi? hehehehhehehehhehehehhee lalalallala oooo wow so much has happend since i updated. life still smells though-dat is smelly

listening to songs im bored. "Tell me lies slap me on the face just improvise do something really clever that'll make me hate your name forever" "every day you find new ways to hurt me" "But I can't help it if I'm just a fool always having my heart set on you 'til the time you start changing the rules I'll keep chasing the soles of your shoes" "This is pathetic And sardonic And sadistic And psychotic" "Somebody tell me what made us all believe you I should have known all along it was all a lie" "And now I see what I really am, A thief, a whore, and a liar. I run to you,(far away from this town) Call out your name,(giving up, giving in) I see you there,(your still there) farther away. Im numb to you - numb and deaf and blind. You give me all but the reason why."

its 4:45 in the morning and im wide awake! why!? i wanna be asleep! mmmm sweet sleep. maybe i should try and sleep a little but im really not tired!

i have new hair!!! i got my hair cut today!! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! it short! well shorter than i've had it in a very very veery long time! its above my shoulders *shock horror!* i was so nervous about getting it this length but now yaaaaaaaay! oooooo and i LOVE the guitar i got for my birthday! i can play the beggining of mary had a little lamb! wahoooo! haha

happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeee, happy birthday to me. yay so as you've propbly guessed its my birthday! im 15!! my bf comming round today so we'll prob just hang round my house all day, he's comming to dinner with my family tonight, poor him!!

this song is so nice. i love it. a friend sent it to me. I SAW EVANESCENCE!!!!!!! I SAW EVANESCENCE!!!! they're AMAZING!!!!! EXCELENT!!!! love love love them!!!!! omg everyone has to see them hehehe! seether played to they so great! right well lifes confusing. so i have dicided to fly to antarctica and live with penguins....yes penguins. i will only talk to penguins. they will walk around and i will say "fly my penguins fly" (because by this time i'll be insane) i think it sounds good.

life aint a fairy tale but i wish it was im sitting here waiting for my happy ending that i know is never going to come

"i think im drifting away from the people i really need" "every time i think i've finally made it, i learn i am farther away than i have ever been before" why why why n um why! god im so confussed people why are you making my life hard!? i just have to do whats right ohhhh yea i got into a BIG argument with one of my friends the other day. very interesting it twas, we're still not talking and she annoying me alot! so ahh yea p.s. im sooooooo mean and horrible! p.p.s WHY!?!

-deleted- why? because it was bullshit!!

people are sad! sad and pathetic, get a life! stop fucking around and get a life! grow fucking up!

im sore!! my back hurts and my neck and PAIN!! guess i didnt sleep right. i was up till 12 last night talking to my bf for 2 hours and by the end of it we were almost falling alseep. hmm im usually wide awake at 12 so dat was weird. hehe my bf's da BEST!!

notings happening in my life. boring. crap. shithole. went out with my bf today that was alright. i have nothing to say at all. im such a boring person.

yay all my exams are done. i did so crap. i had exam leave which is kool didnt go to school yesterday and only 40mins today. i miss my bf. alot. this week has felt so long. i just wanna see him. have him hug me. and say everythings ok.

ahh i had a english exam today it was soooo hard! or im just thick i guess ill find out.

my friend told me to up date so here it gos well my moods have been going up and down for no reason, one minute im okishly happy next im so depressed, it sucks! i spend all day just feeling like im going to brake down and cry, just for no reason. i felt like it today when i was out with my bf i just had to hide my face cause i felt like at any moment i would cry. i dont understand this. tommorow im home all alone which i guess is ok, its just there is NOTHING to do!! so ill spend all day eating and getting fatter. and i cant even do anything with my bf cause hes going to a theme park with his mates.

i have exams tomorrow!!!!!! and alllllllllll next week!!! i can't do this!! im so stressed!! im so dumb im just gona fuck every one of them up!

umm well whats been going on..... i told my bf, but i did it over msn because i was too scared to say it to his face. he was understanding. he thought i had anyway, which i guessed he did. he just asked me some things and i tryed to answer as best i could. but now it seems like, he just wants to pretend i havn't like its not really there. i dunno im a bit confused. umm oh yea i have not been able to stop eating and its really getting me down. i got exams next week which im not looking forward to. urgh i suck! can't think of much else byebye x

its now 7:34pm today has been the slowest day. ahhh so boring. i keep looking at the bird cage and expect my sweet birdie to be there, but shes not :( oooo thank u law!!!!! this cd is excelent!!!!!! i wrote a poem..... just a little girl scared of the dark and the monsters that hide in the closet the shadows are reaching out to get me they rap there hands around me let go set me free the shadows are scaring me strangling me choking me just a little girl scared of the dark those monsters are attaking me i can't run for cover why can't you hear me screaming?? let me go set me free just a little girl scared of the dark the lonelyness it holds no ones with you in the dark you could be dead and no one would notice no one can save you let go set me free just a little girl scared of the dark scared of the darkness inside me

its 11:43 my birdie died this morning. she was so pretty. she hadn't been well for a few days and then she was looking really bad today and we checked on her 5mins later and she was dead :( :( :( i'll miss her. the other bird that was in the cage with her is upset and fretting hopefully he wont get to upset and die aswell.