everyday for i can't even remember how long i've not liked who i am. when i was younger i was fat....i know i was.....i got teased for it. there are so many things i've just blocked out...i feel like they're there but i just can't get to them. some days i just want to break down and cry and show everyone that im not ok and i need help...but i dont need help...i can help myself..even though it hasn't worked yet. i hate everyday wishing i could just be someone else, wake up and it turns out this has all been a really bad horrible dream.....please i hope so much that day will come. i look at pictures of myself and want to be vilently sick..i hate feeling like this i hate how im so mean to people just so i can keep them from getting to close and hurting me....i hurt others so im not hurt and them i hate myself for it. i break peoples trust. i lie all the time...i don't think a single person i know really knows the real me.......and im not going to let them. i want to have someone i can really talk to but i dont trust anyone.