"Too Much To Ask" Its the first time I ever felt this lonely I wish someone could cure this pain Its funny when you think its gonna work out Til you chose weed over me, you're so lame I thought you were cool until the point But up until the point you didnt call me When you said you would I finally figured out youre all the same Always coming up with some kind of story Everytime I try to make you smile You're always feeling sorry for yourself Everytime I try to make you laugh You can't Youre too tough You think you're loveless Is that too much that I'm asking for? I thought you'd come around when I ignored you So I thought you'd have the decency to change But babe, I guess you didn't take that warning 'Cause I'm not about to look at your face again Can't you see that you lie to yourself You can't see the world through a mirror It wont be too late when the smoke clears 'Cause I, I am still here But everytime I try to make you smile You'd always grow up feeling sorry for yourself Everytime I try to make you laugh You stand like a stone Alone in your zone Is it too much that I'm asking for? this is my life in a nutshell i duno not necessicarliy word for word phrase for phrase but im jus upset. and ya kno what? i like wallowing in my own pain. lol i duno it gives me some sense of like "ok wel u suck and everyone else agrees" i duno i feel sorry for myself and i do it to myself. i listen to sad music. i make myself a victim i do it to myself. im so confused about my self and like who i am its like rite there almost in my hand. but i just cant see it. argh i dont get im frustrated. im the person shes talking about it. why do i complicate things? but am i not allowed to have any self pity? isnt that a normal human reaction? to make themselves even worse then they do? maybe deep down im a bad person cuz i hate myself. why do i look bad at times when im alone and jus be like hmmm i duno not because i was with anyone but there was some sense of clarity. i dont get anything im soooooo confused and i cant fix it at all no matter what i do. what can i do? i always fuck shit up too why can i not argue with my mom? why do i mis grahm kracker like theres no tommorow i dream about her all the time its like ok i miss you jus come back. i wana just sleep in case i dream about her but it only happens when i dont pray for dreams about her. i hate it i wana be prepared and know what to talk to her about, she tells me about heaven kinda she tells me i have to find out but shes happy, we were on my bed talking in my room three years ago when i was in eigth grade when the world was easy. i wana be 11 again and have no problems and have her there. and jus be in my room. i dont want anything else jus that to be alone in my room with katie next door with no parties or anything else to worry about i dont wana grow up i wana be in like 8th grade forever when life was easy damnit damnit damnit why couldnt i realize this back then and be like cherish these moments? why wasnt i home more when she was sick? why wasnt i there when she died? i want her back but i cant do anything im powerless i cant fix this part of my life i hate hate hate myself for not being there i shouldnt have left i saw her on christmas i got her gifts back like four day later and returned them cuz i couldnt handle seeing that stupid passion vhs she had vhs only person in the world. why do i still cry about this? do you ever get over losing someone? i dont know i wana be old and i duno what i want i dont know what to look forward to either i need answers i wana be little fuck thats all i want i wana be my parents little kid again. but im not and im never gona be again. i want my grahm kracker why all of the fucking ppl she wasnt supposed to die for soo long she should have seen me graduate she should have seen me get married why me. why her why not anyone else.