I just want to escape and just be alright. It just doesn't seem possible or even fessible. I just don't think it makes any sense but this is how my mind works, to confuse me then I break down and my brain is bothered and my brain breaks my heart with horrible words and I cry until I can't breathe. And this happens over and over again. I got so used to feeling this way, so sad and broken, that I actually fell into a habit of feeling like this. No one can ever understand anything. I do hate that. What can I do though? This depression is killing me and in the end it will kill everyone else leaving me alone. So I will enitibly be all alone and so tempted to kill myself. Depression will ruin my life, forever. I feel like killing myself everyday. It's everyday and I can't control that. It's not that I want to die, I just don't want to live with depression for the rest of my life. It's hard to explain and no matter what I say about it. So, why do I waste my time anyway? No one ever listens. Suicide, why is it so hard for people to understand? They're all too selfish. Maybe I don't want to be here. I don't like people. I feel like some how I'm above them all. I know more than any of them know. I want to be everything. No one seems to let me do anything. I want out of this world or make it worth while. I'd like to get out from under this depression I'm getting tired of always being sad. I want to feel the razor once more but I'm not that brave. I just would love to feel it again. It was my freedom and now it's nothing. I feel alone without the cuts. And nothing can replace them. But I can't go back to that although I do want that high I get from it. I only get that when I'm bleeding. I need to cause myself pain that is real not this 'fake' pain that no one can see. And they don't believe. I need something more. It would be the best thing ever. But I can't b/c someone might find out. I guess I'll just have to hide it better. I just want someone who understands depression and Everthing I'm Going Through. I want people to notice something is wrong with me. I want them to care and find out what is exactly wrong and care to listen.--