"See the people standing there who disagree and never win and wonder why they don’t get in my door" As the double dose of extra strength tyenol pm invades my bloodstream my mind becomes hazy and Lucy in the Sky floats from my speakers. I feel feverish, but I suppose it could just be the raddy old sweatshirt I'm donning. My dad is playing some upbeat celtic tune in the neighboring room as the heat from my desk light burns my hands. My head feels ten feet tall-but then again, I did just take tyenol. "And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong I'm right, where I belong I'm right where I belong" I'm especially relaxed right now, but I'm nearly sure it is but a misinterpretation of numbness. Despite the current lack of feeling, I have a nagging suspicion that I have been feeling frustrated yet again. Perhaps it is all a jumble of hormones, but I can't get over the feeling that I'm doing something wrong, that something's not happening, and I am inadequate. "Silly people run around they worry me and never ask me why they don’t get past my door." It's been a lifelong habit of mine to feel responsible for making people feel happy, and when someone close to me is not happy and my actions do not bring them happiness, I get frustrated with myself. Hence the feeling of inadequacy. "Taking my time with a number of things that weren't important yesterday" Lifetime movies aren't helping this situation. Their addictive quality has captured me on the couch the past few days. Just when I convince myself that all my actions are stereotypical and acceptable for my age group, "Augusta, Gone" comes on the tube and I feel like I'm in a downward spiral to the depths of hell. Fucking Lifetime Television. "I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in and stops my mind from wandering where it will go." In response to this entry I take a deep breath, take in the big picture, and put my Tyenol PM to use by finally going to bed. My mom described me as esoteric the other day. I completely disagreed until I realized how strange I must come off. I assume people understand, but I live so personally, it must be impossible.