why the fuck did I do that? I get it now. I get it all.....everything. I get it. Both sides. all sides I fucked up and I get it. I'm right back where I started. why the fuck did I do it? I really regret it now. I really don't know what I was expecting. I really don't know why the fuck I did that. it's not gonna happen I'd hate me. so why'd I have to be so stupid?

oh poor fucking me poor fucking you fuck you

now he's gone i hate this so much he has to come back before the end of summer

UHHHHHHHHHHHHG i hate this this back and forth shit this jealous shit i just wish it would go away i wish i was more confident in this i try not to think about it think the best but in the end that doesn't fucking work what the fuck is my problem maybe its not just my problem maybe it is a PROBLEM there are signs sort of shit

this is some bullshit to quote high fidelity. but seriously. it's my fucking "online diary" thing if you're sick of my thoughts then DON'T FUCKING READ IT it's that simple. I can't type anything without someone getting on my case. just because I feel fucking tired of everything uhhhhhhhhhhhg fuck fuck fuck sorry my thoughts annoy you. don't read it I have it for me not for anyone else i do'nt ask people to read it i don't care if anyone reads it its just for me because that's how I am. people just don't get it and that's my fucking point! no one gets it! maybe no one can get "it" or maybe there's just simply nothing to get. jesus fucking christ

DRINKING MYSELF TO SLEEP AGAIN NIGHT NURSE PILLS TO KEEP ME SANE DRINKING MYSELF TO SLEEP AGAIN INSOMNIA anyway..... yay 3 and a half months (almost) I hardly even thing about him which is good because even though I don't regret that and it was a "learning" type deal I'm glad to be over it. FINALLY took longer enough for what it was.... really nothing. I want a pretty dress. I'm happy. Even though we have trouble it's alright because in the end it's good.

WHY uhgggggggggggggggggggg

I'm so not with it.... I'm quitting. No more because they just fuck me up and I can't do this anymore.

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggg you're so fucking serious! god damn

no i'm not

nothing like i want to be nothing like i am i can't keep doing this keep pushing him away because i don't think it's bad and i dont tease because i'm mean i think its for the better because i miss him when he's not around but i think no i know that i'm afraid and i know that i should trust him and i guess i do i just have trouble with that because i cant not remember i have to completely forgive but i won't bother trying to forget because i know i can't and won't but i do think this is really good i think i'm really happy i know i am actually i know i'm really happy shit this sounds like a crappy song or poem but whatever i do what i want and it's not

for the first time in a long time i think everything is going to be ok

I like this. I still think about things I shouldn't because of one stupid song (amazing song but it makes me sad) Once you put a certain feeling/event/whatever with a song you can never make it 'just a song' again. It will always remind you of how you felt and what happened. It's awful because I'm sure I'm fine and I feel good yet like I'm missing something when I listen to it which is all day everyday. Really though I'm really happy. I didn't think I could be....or that I would be. At first I thought maybe I was making a mistake and doing everything for the wrong reasons. sometimes I still think I might be but I think that's just because I'm new at this because it feels good actually.

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhg I'm always hurting someone

what? god I try when you tell me. You say it's fake. I get it I know that feeling but most of the time I wouldn't even bother. i'm trying I know I'm not good at this but I'm trying I really really care maybe it's not meant to be after all even though I want it to be whatever things happen it'll be ok you'll crack sooner or later or I will

I don't live by horoscopes or anything but it's really eerie when they are right. today mine was: "Personal limitations could complicate your performance or affect your self-esteem" and then some other shit but it's true today. I didn't go hang out with my boyfriend, our friend and his girlfriend because it was something new and different. I felt weird and sort of worried and shy and stupid. I don't know why; I'm sure she's cool and all of that. Now I'm feeling crappy and bored when I could have had an awesome time. Actually I'm really happy. .

I think it's quite possible that I like to suffer and make myself feel bad by not eating or sleeping and destorying myself. I feel like I deserve it and that I shouldn't eat or sleep or do anything good. I tried to be healthy and take care of myself. I just don't and don't care.

I would like to GET OUT OF HERE NOW. I don't want routine. I don't want to live here anymore. I'd like to move and start over.

I am Jack's wasted life.

I spent too long looking for his myspace (if he even has one) for nothing. I shouldn't have even been doing that. I think I found one or two of his friends and they didn't have him but I'm probably wrong. I think I've let this go why can't I just FORGET IT _____________ Now, with this one, I don't even know if it's what I want anymore. Not that it's been long it's been really short. But I guess as they same somewhere...."love the one you're with" so that's how it'll go.