hey everyone. i just got back from a group meeting. something's been bothering me since before i left. seeing how this is my only outlet...i have no other choice. something isn't right. i'm afraid sarah is mad at me or something. she just wasn't acting like herself earlier when she called me. it upsets me so much when she doesn't act normal cuz i always fear the worst. it's rather upsetting. it really gets to me. she means the world to me. she's the most important thing in my life. my world revolves around her. i love her so much. i want to keep her. i'm afraid something's wrong. and there's nothing i can do. i'm afraid i did something. it sucks. i also really miss her. she was just in new york for three days. i saw her yesterday. now i'm at school til wednesday. i hardly got to spend any alone time with her yesterday. we spent the whole day running errands. i want to be able to be with her. i want to be alone with her. i really haven't had a chance to let her know how much she means to me...besides a few words in her car. i hope she knows how i feel. i hope she's not mad. i hope everything's ok. i hope i didn't mess things up again. i hope she still loves me. thanks for listening...i had to vent cuz...i'm scared. take care all. ---mikey

hi everyone. it's been a while. well...your favorite little mental nutcase is back. usually it takes something major happening to inspire me to write. well...somethin happened. i was talking to one of my best friends a little bit ago. i've known him since first grade. basically like a brother to me...ya know? well anyway...i suggested that we go out to get some lunch. he explained that he simply didn't have the cashflow to go. well that's all fine and dandy isn't it. well...bout 20 minutes later i got back from getting myself something to eat. he i/ms me and proceeds to tell me that he's going out to lunch with joey. so i'm sittin there like, "thanks." he went cuz joe said he would pay. so i'm thinking to myself, "he knows good and well that i would've paid for him to go." i mean come on. i want to give him and matt each like $150-200 just so they can go on a fishing trip with me this summer. that would just make the whole trip so much better for me. they have no idea how much it means to me for them to go. matt didn't even know i wanted to help him pay just so he could go. but...he knows now. i was gonna talk to him and skinni at our fantasy baseball draft tomorrow morning. but...matty knows now...as soon as he reads this. but i just feel kinda ditched by skinni d. i'm a little upset he would do that to me. and i'm kinda upset cuz they didn't ask me to tag along. especaially since i've been complaining about having nothing to do the past few days. but nope..they're off again without me. that also got me to thinking. i'm never around or invited to attened much when joe's around. it's always matt, joe, and spike. or joe and rob. or dan and rob. roy, dan, rob, joe. i'm just not around much. i'm there sometimes...but not as much as i'd like. me and joe both know that we're not as close as we'd like. but it hasn't happened yet. we haven't done much to try to change that like i'd love to. it just seems like i always ask for joe to attend. if i don't invite him myself...i make sure someone else calls him. like yesterday at our st. patty's day party...i asked rob if he told joe to come. joe had stuff to do and that's cool and all but i want him to know that i made sure to ask if someone invited him. this seems to be a real crappy situation if you ask me. i mean...dan's been spending a lot of time with missy and i hardly see him anymore. it sucks so bad. we don't get many chances to hang out much and i get ditched when we finally get a chance. real nice if you ask me. to top things off...i haven't seen sarah for a few days. it's really weird not seein her much. we're always together anymore. at least if she was around i'd have someone to be with. i hate being lonely. i think i hate it more than anything. now my g/f's gone til tomorrow at 11:30. that's real nice too if you ask me. i miss her...i can't lie. i had a dream about her last night even. guess that shows ya somethin, huh? oh well. i'm done complaining now. i got all that ish off my chest. i feel a bit better now. take care all. ---mikey

Somewhere there's a stolen halo I use to watch her wear it well Everything would shine wherever she would go But looking at her now you'd never tell Someone ran away with her innocence A memory she can't get out of her head I can only imagine what she's feeling When she's praying Kneeling at the edge of her bed And she says take me away And take me farther Surround me now And hold, hold, hold me like holy water Holy water She wants someone to call her angel Someone to put the light back in her eyes She's looking through the faces The unfamiliar places She needs someone to hear her when she cries And she says take me away And take me farther Surround me now And hold, hold, hold me like holy water Holy water She just needs a little help To wash away the pain she's felt She wants to feel the healing hands Of someone who understands And she says take me away And take me farther Surround me now And hold, hold, hold me And she says take me away And take me farther Surround me now And hold, hold, hold me like holy water Holy water

first of all...the music will all make sense if you check out this site-- http://crock.t35.com. it's an internet radio site made by my buddy. it's friggen awesome...if you enjoy rock music. of course i helped give him some of the music. you should check it out. anyway...this is just a sporadic entry. i'm basically just writin to get that last entry outta the top. i just got done spending another day with sarah. it was cool. we went to see matty gabe cuz he started spring break...lucky anus. mine isn't til march 14. oh well. you'll have that. welp...i'm gonna go. i need to eat some ice cream before i go to bed. talk to ya later. take care all. ---mikey

once again i am forced to put another entry like this in my diary. once again i've found a way to screw up. i always find a way to ruin the best things i have. i always find a way to hurt the ones i love. i don't know what it is about me but it seems like i always do something horrible. i really don't know why i get treated the way i do sometimes. i mean sure...i mess up sometimes. i say or do the wrong things from time to time. but is that really a good reason for me to be hurt in return. especially if i say something just joking around or being sarcastic. i hurt so much sometimes it's not even funny. and some people can't even see that. they think i'm tired or mad at them or something. do they think i do these things intentionally. do they think i try to throw everything away. it's like life hasn't been hard enough for me as it is. i don't know why people have to resort to smacking me across the face. that's so horrible. that's just as bad as me hitting a girl. it hurts so bad. but i get it anyway. what did i do to deserve being treated like this. if i'm so great...why does this happen. why? i told you all i'm not great. i'm nothing really. that's who i am. that's what i feel like. i hurt 24/7. i'm depressed. i'm upset. i don't need to ruin my life more. i don't do this intentionally. by the way...thanks for commenting on my last entry guys. means a lot to me. i could care less if you take care all. ---nothing

"Easier" Would it make things easier if I were gone Would it make things right if I was never wrong Would it make things easier if I were gone Would it make things easier All the times you took for granted that I waited here for you I was on another planet, I was waiting there for you She said Would it make things easier if I were gone Would it make things right if I was never wrong Would it make you happy when you sing your song Would it make things easier I was blind and I was faded and I didn't have a clue I was always into something that I always had to do He said Would it make things easier if I were gone Would it make things right if I was never wrong Would it make you happier to move along Would it make things easier All the awful things we say, all the stupid games we play Every night and everyday, I don't know what else to say Would it make things easier if I were gone Would it make things right if I was never wrong Would it make you happier to be alone Would it make things easier Would it make things easier if I were gone Would it make you happier to be alone Would it make things right if I was never wrong Would it make things easier Would it make things easier

ok...after my last entry of the smile empty soul lyrics...i've felt compelled to write. i listed to this song the other day and am currently listening to it now. it got me thinkin. this is the general sterotype that teenagers nowdays have. it's kinda wrong. if ya ask me...teenagers deserve a little more respect than we have. we all get critized for things we don't do. people think that us kids cause nothing but problems. the fact of the matter is...the kids in every community do more for the community that anyone else. we're the people who call for changes and try to improve the places where we live. we're the ones who go out and try to make a difference. sure there are those who are actually bad kids...but what do you expect. that's why i think teenagers are so close with one another. even if you're complete strangers...you could have a civil conversation with anyone. we all have a general understand of what one another's going through. it's a bond that no other generation seems to have. it seems to only occur with us. in previous generations...teenagers have always been fighting with one another. all the different social groups have always faught. this isn't the case with our generation. sure there are the jocks/preps/punks/posers/rockers/outcasts and sure we do fight with one another. but to me...it seems like there's a general level of respect between the groups. going through my senior year of high school...this became clear to me. it doesn't matter what happens every year before your senior year...everything is different...even if it is just for one year. you bond again. the social groups are thrown out the window. everyone is friendly with one another. it's a great time to be in high school if you ask me. i wish i could go back and relive that one year. that year gives you hope that old relationships will hold strong through college, failed relationships may be rekindled, and new relationships may form with people who you never expected to be friends with. after living my senior year...i miss my class so much. it's the bond that our generation creates with one another. in my mind...we can all relate. we could be friends with almost any teenager we meet. it's great that our age group is like that. i hope that it's always like that with our generation. i'm glad to be living with all of you guys . thanks for reading my diary all. let me know your opinion on this matter. take care all. ---mikey

"Nowhere Kids" in the land of dirt and plaster lies an army of a thousand nowhere kids losing ground and falling faster into a life that no one should have to live we are the people that you hate we are the bastards that you created (the fucking bastards that you created) a generation with no place a generation of all your sons and daughters behind the fake family image behind the smile of a thousand moms and dads inside the cage that we've been given i see an image of the future that we don't have [chorus] and what did you expect ... a perfect child raised by tv sets ... abandoned every mile we never get respect ... never a fair trial no one gives a shit ... as long as we smile

hey all. today has given me mixed emotions. this morning was wonderful. i got to spend some time with sarah before i came back to school. it's such a beautiful day too. it's sunny and right now...it's 57 degrees. couldn't ask for a better day. i just wish i was home so i could enjoy it. these are the days i love. perfect day to go out and play football or baseball. an even better day to go fishing. can you tell that i'm the outdoors type. i wish i bad i could go out and enjoy this weather. no one at the apartments ever does anything. there's no one i know who i could go for a walk with or play volleyball or catch or somethin. this blows. you get a new understanding of how great home is once you leave it. the college life is so hard. i miss home almost every day. i miss my classmates. i miss high school. oh well...guess it's just somethin i gotta learn to deal with. take care all. ---mikey

once again...i haven't written for a few days. i guess that's just the way i am. anyway...a few things have started to get to me and are really bothering me now. number one...i'm sore as a mother. my back is just killing me. that makes for fun times while sitting at my computer. number two...once again...i find myself to be somewhat depressed. it seems to me like i've been saying things lately that make sarah mad. it's the worst thing to me when she's upset with me. i seem to be doing things that upset her. i can just tell by the tone of her voice. either i'm spending too much time with roy or going to sleep early or whatever...i can just tell that she gets upset with me. it hurts. what can i say? i also talked to staci yesterday. that was rather interesting. some of the things she told me were a bit bold. but then again...it's nice to know that she still thinks about me. i sent sarah the convo after and she sent an e-mail back to me. she said that she can relate to staci's situation with her fiancee. she said sometimes she feels like i'll never love her the way i loved staci. that hurt me. we've only been dating for 3 weeks. i just asked her to give me time to prove her wrong. but that really hit me hard. it's the main reason why i'm quite upset today. well...that's all for now i guess. i hope i said enough to help myself feel better. i also hope that some people who read this don't get upset for me not writing every day. that's just not me. this was initally gonna be a private entry but i haven't said anything major so guess what...ya'll can read about how jacked i am today. yay! anyway...i smoke crack rocks. take care all. ---mikey

hello world. i know it's been a while but what can i say. it takes time for me to write. i have to gather my thoughts or be extremely motivated to write. a few things have happened but nothin major. i went and saw a few of the pittsburgh pirates who came into town. that was cool i guess. other than that...i played hockey with the boys yesterday. it's been like a year since the whole team got together and played. it's so much fun, but man am i payin for it today. i'm so sore. it hurts to walk. but it was worth it. i love that game. it's what i live for. but right now...me and matty gabe are in some horrid pain. we'll get over it i'm sure but it just sucks. anyway...i've been spending a lot of my time with g. our relationship has really come together the past few weeks. it's really turned into a great situation for the both of us. she helps me to get my mind off of crap and she's simply a great girl. she seems to make my life better when i'm with her. it's nice to feel this way again. now i need to vent a bit. I HATE THE F-IN PATRIOTS!! THEY BLOW SO HARD IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY. WHAT DO PEOPLE SEE IN THAT F-IN TEAM!? THEY'RE HORRIBLE. THE STEELERS SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE. BUT SINCE WE WEREN'T...THE EAGLES SHOULD'VE RAPED THEM. GOD DO I HATE THAT TEAM! THEY'RE ALL FAGGOTS! i feel better now. i can rest easy. another thing...i saw the boogeman the other night. if you've ever been afraid of him or other things that go bump in the night...go see that movie. it'll scare the crap outta you. anyway...that's all for now. hopefully i'll talk to you all on a more consistant basis. take care all. ---mikey

hey all. not a good day for me at all. g is here. i guess that's about the only thing that's going for me right now. i've been so totally depressed the past few days. it's totally disgusting. i've been kinda shady to g while she's been here. i'm sure she knows that somethin's wrong. but i don't think that she knows how bad it is. it's really killing me. i can't take much more pain. it's really out of control tonight. that and i find myself saying all the wrong things tonight which totally isn't helping. well...i'll write more later tonight. i have to go and try to keep her happy. take care all. ---mikey

the title says it all. this is me and my best friend matty gabe talking: Matty Gabe: theres a place on fart avenue, where i used to sit and shit at you, we were both constipated and it felt so bad, sleepin all day shittin alll niiiiiight weedkast10: oh weedkast10: my weedkast10: gosh Matty Gabe: hahahah weedkast10: that was totally random weedkast10: i don't know what to do with life now just thought i should share that with the world. take care all. ---mikey

well...not goin to class today. i just spent my entire night puking my guts out. musta been somethin i ate. i don't really know. i'm startin to think it would be best for me to start up again on monday. man, i've really dug myself a hole. but i have faith in myself. i think i can get out of it and end up just fine. i'll haveta bust my butt this weekend to get all caught up. i gotta go talk to my teachers and find out what all i missed. i might need some help finishing all my work from a certain person who i plan on spending my weekend with. oh well...i'll be ok in the end. i'll go talk to my teachers today to find out what i missed. maybe go to class tomorrow if i get better. if not...monday. moving on...i've been kinda depressed the past few days. i don't know why and don't have any reason for it. this kinda thing just happens to me. it comes and goes. it really sucks though. but there's nothin i can do about it. that's enough for now. got any advice for me...anyone? take care all. ---mikey

oh my god. that's all. i watched hines ward yesterday. his interview he had was nothing short of horrible. it was so sad. hines simply broke down while talking about teammate jerome bettis. the game on sunday might be his last. he addressed his team yesterday and it sounds like he's done. hines said what we all know. jerome will always be a champion in our hearts. we don't care about him not playing in a championship game or not. he's the 5th all time rusher. hines stated that he learned so much from him and no one deserved to be a champion more than jerome. it was so sad. tears were pouring down his face. he almost had me cryin. it was horrible. on top of all that...freakin matty gabe had a horrible day. that's another story though. i'll write more later. i just had to tell the story about hines. take care all. ---mikey

well...the day has finally come. two teams that battled all year long will finally meet in one game that will determine if they go home or go to jacksonville. i have to admit...this game has me a bit nervous. all the media and sports personalities have already picked the patriots to win. they're all talking like we didn't beat them once already and that kinda upsets me. also...they're all talkin like big ben's two bad games are gonna effect him. ya know...he hasn't gone undefeated in his like 20-30 starts without a bad game. he can bounce back and he will again. the steelers didn't go 15-1 for no frickin reason. grrr...people anger me. we're here because we deserve to be here. the team that wants is more will win. i have faith in my steelers. the road to jacksonville goes through the steel city. here we go steelers here we go. ---mikey

well...welcome to my world everybody. my name is mike and i'll be your guide through this strange life that just happens to be my own. first off...you're gonna need to know a few things about me. i'm 19 years old and i live in new castle, pa. i'm also currently attending youngstown state university with plans of majoring in physical therapy. i'm very proud to be from here and i couldn't be happier about living here. only downfall is there's nothing to do so you'll probly be hearin from me a lot. i'm a hardcore rock fan. i adore any kind of rock music except for that gay pop-rock garbage. i'm also a huge sports fan. i play hockey when the weather permits and i'm kinda sorta maybe good at it. i think that's enough about that. if you have any questions...just post a comment and i'll make sure to make an entry to answer it. moving on...initally i was going to tell my life's story in my first entry...but plans have changed. this is all you need to know...i've kept journals for years. recently my brother introduced me to a great movie...the butterfly effect. that move kinda refuled my fire and my passion for writing. it's helped me to continue to write even when i thought it was useless. i've always loved writing and i felt like it was a great stress reliever. only recently was i introduced to this. one of my dear friends suggested it...i think she just wanted to read what i was writing...j/k. anyway...this is a lot easier for me cuz i don't always have my journal. but i do always have a computer. plus...it's a lot easier for me to type cuz my handwriting sucks. plus...i guess it's good to get the imput of others so ya'll can read it if ya want. ok...enough about that...moving on. now...just to let everyone know...this diary is for my personal benifit. i'm gonna use it to vent and express myself just like i do in my journals. so if i happen to offend anyone by what i say...i'm sorry. but that's the way it is. anyone who keeps a diary/journal should understand that. just thought i'd get that outta the way. ok...now like i said...no life story tonight. so if there's anything you wanna know...ask. i'll be more than happy to write about it. same goes for any of my friends who see this. if you have any topics or stories that you want me to write about...lemme know and it'll get in here. other than that...i'll probly be making entries every day just like i did with my entries. thanks for takin the time to read his and givin me the time of day. take it easy all. --- mikey

Someone's too lazy to post his own entries so I have to do it for him!! :+: Steelers Play Tomorrow :+: [ ~ G-diggity * ]

This is Mike's diary but I'm pimping it out for him since I'm awesome like that!! =D [ ~ G-diggity * ] Mikey, you've officially been pimped. Wheeeeeee I'm bored and I'm sitting on Mike's computer bombarding his internet. Hahahahah.