hi everyone. it's been a while. well...your favorite little mental nutcase is back. usually it takes something major happening to inspire me to write. well...somethin happened. i was talking to one of my best friends a little bit ago. i've known him since first grade. basically like a brother to me...ya know? well anyway...i suggested that we go out to get some lunch. he explained that he simply didn't have the cashflow to go. well that's all fine and dandy isn't it. well...bout 20 minutes later i got back from getting myself something to eat. he i/ms me and proceeds to tell me that he's going out to lunch with joey. so i'm sittin there like, "thanks." he went cuz joe said he would pay. so i'm thinking to myself, "he knows good and well that i would've paid for him to go." i mean come on. i want to give him and matt each like $150-200 just so they can go on a fishing trip with me this summer. that would just make the whole trip so much better for me. they have no idea how much it means to me for them to go. matt didn't even know i wanted to help him pay just so he could go. but...he knows now. i was gonna talk to him and skinni at our fantasy baseball draft tomorrow morning. but...matty knows now...as soon as he reads this. but i just feel kinda ditched by skinni d. i'm a little upset he would do that to me. and i'm kinda upset cuz they didn't ask me to tag along. especaially since i've been complaining about having nothing to do the past few days. but nope..they're off again without me. that also got me to thinking. i'm never around or invited to attened much when joe's around. it's always matt, joe, and spike. or joe and rob. or dan and rob. roy, dan, rob, joe. i'm just not around much. i'm there sometimes...but not as much as i'd like. me and joe both know that we're not as close as we'd like. but it hasn't happened yet. we haven't done much to try to change that like i'd love to. it just seems like i always ask for joe to attend. if i don't invite him myself...i make sure someone else calls him. like yesterday at our st. patty's day party...i asked rob if he told joe to come. joe had stuff to do and that's cool and all but i want him to know that i made sure to ask if someone invited him. this seems to be a real crappy situation if you ask me. i mean...dan's been spending a lot of time with missy and i hardly see him anymore. it sucks so bad. we don't get many chances to hang out much and i get ditched when we finally get a chance. real nice if you ask me. to top things off...i haven't seen sarah for a few days. it's really weird not seein her much. we're always together anymore. at least if she was around i'd have someone to be with. i hate being lonely. i think i hate it more than anything. now my g/f's gone til tomorrow at 11:30. that's real nice too if you ask me. i miss her...i can't lie. i had a dream about her last night even. guess that shows ya somethin, huh? oh well. i'm done complaining now. i got all that ish off my chest. i feel a bit better now. take care all. ---mikey