having 2 girls in bed :)

No one i know knows about it! well, maybe one, but she doesnt use this any more..any ways, so, at 24, turning 25 on the 19th of this month, life throws curve-balls at me, i do bad things, or well, did bad things and regret it later on because that is how it works. have i learned anything? yes, but will i change, no..lol... well this girl that i know, we actually started talking online say ten years ago, and have been great friends, she lives far away bit visits here and we hangout and what not, she is married now, i have a gf, blah blah blah...so she has been down for this past week, we hang out, i meet her husband, her gay brother and his lover, great people! but her and i always have this attraction towards each other! and her husband is so oblivious! so when walking out to my car when i am leaving, we are at a point where no one can see us, and we kiss, best kiss ever i have ever had! and she says i know this doesnt change anything but i wish it was you, and walks away..what the fuck!!!!

they say it is easy to break up with some one, easier said then done...they say it is easy...who is they? i could be in new york right now, happy, satisfied, nothing really to bother me, i could have not lost those friends, all could have been well. i cant sleep, i feel like i did when i was back in high school when i got out of a relationship, like shit, but that was a different kind of feeling, i was just a kid back then, now some what, 8 years later. gym..still going 4-5 days a week..good times

so i come to this site wanting to write something..since i dont use it very often...and i forgot what i was going to say, oh well... i went tot the gym earlier today. i think im going to go again, not sure though

so some times i just get so fucking mad, i break shit. anger problems? yes! i only do that when i am by myself, i guess that is when everything that pisses me off, just gets released. and its when i play hockey online, and i lose, and that some how fucking triggers everything i am mad about! i just lose it. i dont cut like i use to, but i have bruised up my body by punching, hitting, and whatever, my right calf is all bruised, my, hands and knuckles and bruised and swollen and hurt(but feels good) i have bruise marks on my knees to hitting it with stuff, my shins are bruised. and i fucking hate this. i thought i was better then this, i thought i have grown up, grown out of that fucking stage in my life where i dont have to hurt myself to forget about things, to forget about the anger, to forget about whatever it is that made me mad. i fucking hate this. my gf doesnt know, she would, well, i dont know what she would think. the only person that knows, is my best friend, she is awesome, we dated a few times, didnt work, her and i always have this thing between us, and truthfully, she is the girl i want to marry and spend the rest of my life with, but if not that, which most likely will happen, it is great having her as a friend. back to my anger issues, i just thought i was better then that. pain just feels good to me. it makes everything else seem so small and nothing else matters.."pain is good, pain is your friend, it lets you know you are still alive."

well i am glad that this is back, up and running, a place that none of my friends have an account on, screw myspace, screw melo, and all of those other places. here i can bitch, rant, and rave about things that i cant on there. so i am glad this is back! and back i am as well!

a lot has changed in the past year. right now, i should be in new york, with a girl that i was supposed to be with forever, she moved 2 months earlier then me then i was supposed to go out when she got everything settled. and i fell for her best friend, use your imagination on that one. so i didnt go to new york, dating her best friend, now that is going to hell, havnig total regrets, lots of people and family have said i have changed. and i know i have, i am not the same person. and life isnt horrible, it just is difficult and struggling to get by. i am just not happy. maybe just not happy with myself and what i did. i have lots more to type, but i have to get to bed, work at 5 am tomorrow...

you were, just another notch on my belt another girl that i felt another girl that made my heart melt up and down on my bed you were horrible and giving head but i didnt mind at times some how you still blew my mind things were going great then you started to crack the pressure got to you i thought things could change guess we are the ones to blame it went way to far just like my car it, broke, down... you were just another notch on my belt another notch on my belt i was always wondering about you what was going through your head did you really mean all what you said i really meant what i said too bad we cant take back what we said you were, just another notch on my belt another girl that i felt another girl that made my heart melt just another notch on my belt another notch on my belt

music, money, and mmmm pussy

ahhh, so much shit, things changed, i just want her and i to be happy

so i have been thinking about an ex gf a lot larely, hmm, weird...other then that, i dont move to new york til january!! i cant wait, my gf left for ny about 3-4 weeks ago, it sucks, i am soooo bored with her not here, but when i am out there, all will be well, time will pass, i will ask her to marry me, and then a whole new life..whoot haha lame..work sucks, well, not totally, i have an easy job, get paid good money, and benefits and shit, but yeah, watching football!

Getting two tickets to an execution is like getting two tickets to NASCAR, except you *know* Jeff Gordon's gonna die.

welcome to the thunderdome bitch!!

havent written on here in a long time. just the same ol same ol stuff going on. got my gf, its been over a year or something like that. have been reading that book The Da Vinchi Code a lot, great book!! any ways, my car is still sufferent for my car accident a year ago, slowly but surely it will be revived. and i turn 21 on the 19th! whooo!!!

the days draw long, listening to my, favorite songs, dont really care about anyone else, looking out, for number one, praying to a god that dont exist, committing so many sins, why such a long list, why resist, all these temptations are so good, so many sins, what should i, dooo? this isn't a new thing, finding a game where i will lose, catch ya by the wing, give ya a bruise, the summer days are full of heat, the smokey blaze, cuatro/veinte... brain lost in a daze, im tired and body just 'bout beat, listening to my favorite beat, sublime on the radio, time to lay back, and kick up my feet,

kill me now, and do it slowly, so i can feel the pain, so you can feel the pain that you have caused.

well, i saw that movie Miracle last night, it was a bad ass movie..but anyways on a, yeah, a um, bad note, good note? something or other, the past week or so, has been alright i guess, my gf and i have been having issues, well, more of her, even her best friend, April is on my side, but April and i have a lil bit of a past, nothing bad, but all this with my gf, nothing but god damn drama, i seriously dont need that, my sister got in an accident, totaled her car, bruised all over, nothing broken, and just other shit, but anyways, i am watching a movie and doing my laundry right now, so thats more important then my bitching...so have a good day!

another cut, another what, another memory carved into my skin, this is game, this is a test, this is something i just cant win, i try so hard, but end up with nothing, everything i do, everything i have, ill give it up, just to be with you, life is tough, can be rough, dont know where i'll end up, in a gutter, in a box, in a hospital, praying for my life, the end is near, i dont fear, anything, that is brought to me, i'll take it on, any day, what is worse, then death any way? another cut, another what, another memory carved into my skin, this is game, this is a test, this is something i just cant win, (x2) just today, i saw my life, flash before my eyes, there was a car crash, could have been me, saw my life, end before me, now that its over, this is dream, when i wake up, will i scream, cant this end, when will this stop, why does everything have to flop? another cut, another what, another cut, another what, another memory carved into my skin, another cut, another what, another cut, another what, another memory carved into my skin, this is game, this is a test, this is something i just cant win, another cut, another what, another memory carved into my skin,

the past 2 weeks, have just been, just, well, i dont really know how to explain it, but they have been good, enjoyable, and changing, if that makes any sense, but it has been good, well, merry christmas to all, and a happy new year... -Mike

i write with pain, i write with hate, i write with ease, i will write, whatever the hell i please, trying to rhyme, every word, can be difficult, from verb to verb, sooner or later, in due time, when hopes are high, light is bright, mind is free, from everything dark, stuck right here, falling apart, lost in pieces, trying to mend together, what was once one, now in two, i write with pain, i write with hate, i write with ease, i write with pain, i write with hate, i write with ease, i will write, whatever the hell i please, the colder it gets, the more i fear, for what is next, unexplained, signs from above, rising from below, nothing will explain, why i am here, hidden tears, from the past, that no one can see, but to me, will always last, for a lifetime, that i'll live, mountains of hope, to be brought down, in due time, i write with pain, i write with hate, i write with ease, i will write, whatever the hell i please,