so some times i just get so fucking mad, i break shit. anger problems? yes! i only do that when i am by myself, i guess that is when everything that pisses me off, just gets released. and its when i play hockey online, and i lose, and that some how fucking triggers everything i am mad about! i just lose it. i dont cut like i use to, but i have bruised up my body by punching, hitting, and whatever, my right calf is all bruised, my, hands and knuckles and bruised and swollen and hurt(but feels good) i have bruise marks on my knees to hitting it with stuff, my shins are bruised. and i fucking hate this. i thought i was better then this, i thought i have grown up, grown out of that fucking stage in my life where i dont have to hurt myself to forget about things, to forget about the anger, to forget about whatever it is that made me mad. i fucking hate this. my gf doesnt know, she would, well, i dont know what she would think. the only person that knows, is my best friend, she is awesome, we dated a few times, didnt work, her and i always have this thing between us, and truthfully, she is the girl i want to marry and spend the rest of my life with, but if not that, which most likely will happen, it is great having her as a friend. back to my anger issues, i just thought i was better then that. pain just feels good to me. it makes everything else seem so small and nothing else matters.."pain is good, pain is your friend, it lets you know you are still alive."