Made my diary temporarily private...just didn't want everyone reading this. Michael, I love you...I want to believe all of what you said on the last entry and anything you've ever said was true...but I just can't. I know I've denied that I've loved you...but I have since we've broken up...just tried my best to push it away or hide it. I might have not quite realized it then...but I know it's true now. You know I have trust issues. I believe you could marry someone and not stray...but when it comes to just talking to a girl or maybe even dating...that's where the doubts come in. How I came to finally realize that I love you was when I read your MySpace page. It's not the fact I don't think you should date or talk to any girl...just don't want to have to worry about you telling me one thing when something else is really going on. I was always scared that I would realize that I really wanted to marry you and you would have someone else by then. My heart starts to race whenever I see your name online where you've left me a message or when I see your picture. There are times that I wish you could come home for 2 or 3 weeks and we could spend time getting to know each other again...then you pull out a ring and ask me to marry you toward the final days. I don't know what else to say...just thought you should know. Just know all the times I was so mean to you with posts...it was just me trying to push back how I really felt.