Okay, I'm using my blog on MySpace now. Look me up on there, my e-mail's a_thousand_little_cuts@yahoo.com if you need it. Peace!

Well, Creg cheated. It was pretty expected. He cheated on Reena with me, so I should've seen it coming. Well, to get back at him, I screwed Nick(on my mom's bed, none the less). Now both Creg and Mom are super pissed at me so I'm pretty pleased with myself. :) So, mom left yesterday. Dad kept asking what I did to make her leave, but I don't want to tell him because he hates the whole "sex for spite" thing that I tend to do. Well, I gotta go. Write later, if I remember.

Went home after school today. Mom still hasn't talked to me at all. Works of me. I'm actually hoping that she starts it up again so I can have an excuse for going back over to Creg's :-P Dad's trying to make this as bearable as possible. He and I went to see Domino while Mom and Jen went to see Curse of the Were-Rabit. Worked out for all of us. Jen still loves spending time with Mom, she doesn't understand it all yet. I feel really bad for Dad. I know he wants her here about as much as I do, but he's trying to be nice and make it easier for Jen. It's really hard on him. He doesn't want to start anything with her, but I noticed that he doesn't even look at her. He tries to act nice when Jen is around but other than that he just blows her off. She deserves it. The bitch. Anyway. I'm taking Jen to the park tomorrow so Mom and Dad can talk some stuff out, or not. Ha ha ha. We'll see. I have to go, Jen needs to do research for her science project.

Okay, can't stay on long. Mom's pretty pissed at me at the moment. Already. She's been here a half a day and she's pissed. She went into my room, and it was a mess, so she started cleaning it up, and she found a letter that Alden gave me before I left England in my sock drawer. Now she thinks I'm sleeping around. Great. So, I'm going over to Creg's house tonight. She's gonna have a fit when she knows I'm going to stay the night with my boyfriend, but I don't give a shit what she thinks.... Anyway. Gonna go. Cheerio.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Guess who's coming to our house? My mom. She's gonna stay with us for a while because "the house feels so empty without Nicole!" God, she's so stupid. She probably only kicked Nicki out so she could come and try to convert me again. ARGH! I swear to god, if she says ANYTHING about Christianity or how horrible this lifestyle is for me, I'm gonna call the cops. I don't give a shit if she's my mother or not, she's really not welcome in our house, no one wants her there except her. Dad REALLY doesn't want her there, probably less than I do. If she starts the whole "faithful Christian who should have Christian children" shit again I'm going back over to Creg's. I asked him if I could stay there if she turns into a bitch again, and he said it was cool with his parents. Gotta go. Cheerio! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Okay, so her plane is coming in tomorrow morning. Ugh. And I get the day off of school to visit with her. I would rather hang myself. Other than that, what's happened........? I've been working to get my grades up. Already got all of them up a grade, which was no easy feat for only two days of school :-P Jen's so happy I'm home. I don't know why she is, though, I thought she'd want me to be gone longer so she could go through more of my stuff :-P Siblings........ Jen's finally starting to pick up on the fact that I'm gay. Hahaha. For the first time she actually called one of my boyfriends my boyfriend. It was cute :-P On Sunday, Creg drove me home, and walked me to the door, and Jen opened the door and started laughing and screamed "oh, Jaren has a boyfriend!" It was hilarious. Okay, I'm gonna go call Reena. Cheerio!

Grrrrrrr. I just wrote this huge entry on what's been going on lately and it didn't save. Frustrating. Okay, I'll go over it really fast. I'm staying at Creg's house this week because his parents are out of town on their anniversary. Creg told me he loved me last night. (YAY!) Nicole is preggers. Doesn't even have a boyfriend. I think mom is gonna kick her out, and if she does I hope she comes down here to life with us, because I miss her so badly! Tonight we're gonna have a bonfire on the beach, and it's gonna be a lot of fun. I have to go home on Monday because Creg's parents are coming back. Jen can't wait for me to get back, and I feel really guilty about leaving her, and I miss her a lot, but I really wanted to spend time with Creg.... I'm freaking out lately because Dad got my progress report from school and I'm afraid to go home and talk to him about it. There's not way I can explain flunking three classes........ He's gonna have a fit once I get home. I gotta go, Creg and I are meeting Brinni and Reena at the skate park. CHEERIO! ~~~ Yep, Nicole got kicked out. All I can say is... haha. That was really stupid of her not to use protection. I'm sixteen years old and I know better than her, who is STUDYING TO BE A NURSE. How ironic. Anyway. She's staying with her friend until she can get a dorm. It sucks that she isn't coming down here, because I miss her SOOOO MUCH! But oh well. She likes that school, so she's gonna stay there. I just don't know what she's gonna do when she has the baby. I'm worried about her. Anyway. Gotta go now, Creg and I are leaving for the bonfire. Cheerio!

So, apparently a few of you are just DYING to know how the date went.... Have you no lives? :-P Anyway. I must say.... That was the BEST DATE EVER! I've never had as much fun with anyone before. Okay, we went to see Corpse Bride, because he hasn't seen it yet. I bought tickets and he bought treats. We sat in the back of the theater and cuddled the whole time -.- He's so cute, he kept holding my hand and kissing my palm. It was adorable. After the movie we drove over to the park and hung out. It was late so the drugdealers were out, so we just went on a walk around the woods again. We ended up making out in the woods. It was quite fun. Then he drove me home and walked me to the door, and I would've kissed him good-night but Jen came out onto the porch looking for me, and I really don't want her to see me making out with my boyfriend :-P It was like the classic, romantic date.... Only not so classic, haha. Anyway. We're going out again on Wednesday night. :-D Other than that, I haven't been doing much. I took Jen to see Just Like Heaven. That was a cute movie. She loved it :-P I love taking her to do stuff, I love hanging out with her. I know, I'm strange :-P On a sadder note...... Mom called. She wanted me to come home. She wanted me to grab Jen and get on the closest flight back to Anchorage without telling Dad. She said she loved me and she misses me, and if I would just come back to Seward she would forget all about my "gay phase" and she would fix me up with a church friend's nice daughter. I told her to fuck off. Okay, I'm gonna go. Gonna go to bed early, I'm really tired. Cheerio! P.S. I'm watching Haunting Sarah, and it's creeping me out....... God, I hate the fact that I believe in that kind of stuff, because when I hear I story I get ten times more freaked than anyone else would.

Creg broke up with Reena and asked me out. I said no, but I really didn't want to. I just don't want Reena to be more pissed at me than she already is. I hate the rule, friends' ex-boyfriends are off-limits. There aren't that many guys in this town, let alone gay/bi ones. That just narrows it down more. So, I think I might go out with him. I really like him, and I know it would piss Reena off, but she sleeps around all the time behind his back, she needs to get over it. Anyway. Let's see, what's been going on...... I haven't been in school, I've been skipping, so there isn't even anything to talk about. I haven't really been in the mood to be around people, so I'm in my room mostly. Been hanging out at the skate park. Not much else. Well, I'm gonna go. See you later. Cheerio. *** I asked him out this morning :-D I went to the park around seven or o because I couldn't sleep, and he was there, talking to Reena. Apparently Reena and him talked about everything that happened to them and smoothed things over, but they didn't want to get back into it. So I apologized to Reena, and then when she left, I asked Creg out and he said yes. I told Reena later, and she said it was okay. Anyway. We're going to the movies tonight. I can't wait :-D Okay, I'm off. Meeting Brinni and Alli at the skate park. Cheerio.

Well, today was pretty tight. I skipped school and went to a bar with Jonie. God, those tenders are stupid to think I'm 21. Wow. Well, I guess they just don't care. As long as they get paid.... After that we walked over to the park and hung out. I ran into Nick there, and his new boyfriend.... But screw that, who cares? Nick's an ass, I just feel sorry the guy he's screwing now. When I got home, dad and Jen were clothes shopping, so I got some time alone. I checked my e-mail, and I can't believe who e-mailed me.... Alden! Okay, I don't think enyone, even Sie, knows about him.... Well, when I went to England last summer with Nicole, we hooked up. We said we'd keep in touch but I haven't heard from him in soooo long. He said that he misses me, and that he's coming to Anchorage next summer. I don't know if I'll be able to go up there next summer though.... It'll suck if I don't. I miss him so much. Okay, I'm just gonna go now. I gotta call Brinni or she'll kill me, I skipped out on her yesterday.... :-S (Jen=little sister, Nicole=big sister) Cheerio *** Okay....... I feel pretty fucking bad right now...... When I called Brinni, we decided to go to the park and hang out for a while. So I drove over there and met her, and a few other people were there too. Reena was there with her bi boyfriend Creg, who I've liked for a while, and Tiffany and Steff and Alli were there. We hung out for a while, and then Reena and Creg started fighting over some stupid thing that I guess was going on for a while. Reena punched him, and I had to hold him back from hitting her back. I pulled him aside to calm him down, and we took a little walk through the woods so he could breathe. We talked for a while before going back to the park. When we go there everyone was gone except Alli. She had some pot with her, so the three of us went back in the woods and got high.... When it got dark Alli left, and as soon as she was gone Creg was all over me.... He told me he was gonna break up with Reena tomorrow, and I was high, so.... I think you can guess what happened. Reena's gonna be so pissed. I can't believe I did that. Fuck.

First time. Hahaha. Yeah, first web journal Ive ever had. First journal Ive ever had, as a matter of fact. Well, about me. Im Jaren. Im 16, Im friends with Sie (to those of you who know her), and Im gay. Anything else you really need to know about me? I live in Alaska. I used to live in Seward, but I moved to Cordova with my dad last month. It sucks here. No more Sie for me. How sad. I miss her a lot. Anyway. Anything else anyone wants to know, just ask, Ill put it up. *** Let's see. I feel like bitching about my family right now. Looking at all these people's diaries is depressing me, and reminding me of my own problems. Yes, as I said before, I'm gay.... About a half a year ago, I came out to my mom, whose deeply Christian, and she flipped out on me. She had a fit, but toned down after a while. Well, when my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, she started trying to convert me. We got in huge fights, and every time we did I would go over to Sie's house and spend the night until I calmed down. Now my parents are getting a divorce, and I moved with my little sister and my dad to Cordova, because I couldn't stand to stay with her anymore. Anyway. Yeah, I kinda skipped the worst of it.... Anyway. I'm gonna go now. Cheerio. P.S. Sie will kill me if I don't start using correct grammar..... :S *** 1) using band names, spell out your name Jimmy Eat World As I Lay Dying Rise Against Evanescence New Found Glory 2) have you ever had a song written about you? Yeah, once. Wasn't a good one though. 3) what song makes you cry? I'm a Fake by The Used 4) what song makes you happy? A Favor House Atlantic by Coheed and Cambria 5) what do you like to listen to before bed? The Used 6) height: 6'1 7) hair color: Naturally blond, I died it green 8) skin color: Pale 9) eye color: blue 10) piercings: Right ear three times, left eyebrow, lip, and tongue 11) tattoos: None yet, but I'm gonna get one really soon. r i g h t n o w 12) what color pants are you wearing?: Red plaid 13) what song are you listening to?: Always by Saliva 14) what taste is in your mouth?: ...Saliva :-P 15) what's the weather like?: Cooling off, dark 16) how are you?: Depressed 17) get motion sickness?: No 18) have a bad habit?: Biting my nails 19) get along with your parents?: Only my dad f a v o r i t e s 20) tv show: Invader Zim (I don't watch much TV) 21) conditioner: Don't use it 22) book: Romeo and Juliet (what can I say? I can't help it it :-D) 23) non alcoholic drink: Faygo (God I miss that stuff) 24) alcoholic drink: Vodka 25) thing to do on the weekend: Write poetry h a v e y o u 26) broken the law: I stated my favorite kind of alcohol, right? 27) ran away from home: Yeah, about every other night when I was in Seward.... 28) snuck out of the house: Yep. 29) ever gone skinny dipping: Heh heh heh. Yeah. 30) made a prank phone call: Yeah. 31) ever tipped over a porta potty: Yeah. 32) used your parents' credit card before: Yeah. 33) skipped school before: Yeah. 34) fell asleep in the shower/bath: Yep. 35) been in a school play: No. l o v e 36) girlfriend: Yeah right. 37) sexuality: gay 38) children: Probably not, just a cool uncle 39) current crush: Derek 40) been in love: Yes, much to my mother's dismay.... 41) had a hard time getting over someone: yes 42) been hurt: yeah 43) your greatest regret: Telling my mom... 44) gone out with someone you only knew for three days: Most of the time that's what happens r a n d o m 45) do you have a job: Not currently, looking for one 46) your cd player has in it right now: Blink 182 47) if you were a crayon what color would you be?: Red 48) what makes you happy: music, books, the computer, and my friends 49) what's the next cd you're gonna get: Lit w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t 50) time you cried: Couple days 51) you got a real letter?: Yesterday (love you Sie ;) 52) you got e-mail: About an hour ago 53) thing you purchased: My car 54) tv program you watched: So You Think You Can Dance 55) movie you saw in the theater: Corpse Bride y o u r t h o u g h t s o n 56) abortion: This is too deep of a subject to answer in a survey. 57) teenage smoking: It would be pretty hypocritical for me to say it's wrong. 58) spice girls: They're.... Interesting. Good music, though. :-D 59) dreams: My dreams are disturbing, I'm not a huge fan.