in all reality she seems to hold me at the end, in all my dreams she comes to me and sings me lullabys, at the end of the world she lifts me poors me into a mold a mold that makes me me but i fall off the peak everytime shes gone and three weeks is the last thing she told me the song drowns out in agony when sleep makes her dream of me its all i need to break free of all that burdens me //////////////////////////////////////////// a morning stranger then any awakes me in the moonlight with your perfume on the pillows like a phantom your apperition walks through my mind starting my day with ambition love is the question of the day my answer quite small putes passion on your lips with every intention to stir you into a frey a heartfelt note to send you lies naked on my table to move you like an ocean reaching for the moon ///////////////////////////////////// roses are red violets are blue this place fuckin sucks and i really miss you /////////////////////////////////// .....Forgive me Im trying to findMy calling, Im calling at nightDont mean to be a botherBut have you seen this girl?Shes been running through my dreamsAnd its driving me crazy it seemsIm gonna ask her to marry me.........

Its Been to long since i have been on here and said anything... its been to long since ive wrote anything i think im getting retarded in the head its been forever since ive done any drugs but i did get drug tested at work! i love my bar :0 i think im paranoid i have all this worry bullshit i just need to have more fun stop and remember why im in love with rachel and pute a smile on my own dam face everything is going good got the job no more graves i get to spend time with rae every night i get to snuggle with her i dont know what it is but lately i just havent wanted to have sex either like the last couple months we did lose the baby 3 months ago freaked me out im so worried that we might not be able to have kids i think she thinks i dont want kids cuz im all sexually bleh why? shes so fuckin hot amazing in bed i need to get my head out of my ass and in to hers ... lol i think its all the winter its so cold ive been so tierd and wore out im ready for a vacation shes at a friends house tonight i really miss her i want to make things right sometimes i just get freaked out i just cant speak i dont talk to anyone but im workin on that right here or at least i think so i know im happy i just need to step back and look at things and remember that i have freinds a family a soon to be wife cuz i am ready just broke lol a cute but destructive new puppy i think thats good i think im good i think im better im ok now im better then ok im in love rae does pute a smile on my face even when the last thing on my mind is smiling dam i love her shes doin so good

do you know that that little freckle on the tip of your nose is the cutest thing in the world? do you know that your bed is the most comfortable place i can think of? do you know that when im there with you im at home? do you know that when im away im completely lost? do you know that saying i love you a thousand times a day to you never gets old? do you know you inspire me to sing and write and feel? do you know that "feeling" is finally revealed to me through you? do you know that i love it when you find places to snuggles into where me and you both have snuggled before? do you know i notice the difference in your eyes when im not around? do you know you have eyes that wash out the world around me? do you know that im not scared to ____ anything when i have you? do you know that i am all yours? do you know that you have the softest skin ive ever even dreamed of touching? do you know i miss the little place i rest my head under your belly button? do you know i miss just looking at you, sitting in the chairs outside your apartment? do you know i miss wrestling with you in the living room? do you know that your still beautiful even after you get off work and are all sweaty and tierd? do you know i miss undressing you when you get in the shower and hating the fact that i couldnt follow you right in there with my cloths on? do you know you amaze me with your wealth of a musical library that is just so you? do you know there is something about your kisses that just dazzles me everytime ? do you know that i love it when you space out and are like ... oh yeah ! do you know that i just fucking love you so ver much? i know you do :)

i swallow hard your nerves strain in your stomach i can almost touch your heart your arms reach in to find where ive been straining to feel the marks i leave on your ribs but the feelin is distant with your stomach around your fist a deep breath to struggle to reach me stops your heart in an instant when your heart stops beating when i hold your hand and lead you further towards the feint noises inside leaving marks through out your insides so as not to get lost within tears fill your eyes run through your nose straight to your lungs right on to our footsteps we search right through your body with the flashlight beaming rays like fire from your chest your hand in mine the hunt takes us days we find the place where your heart was beating your hand tences in mine and you dont move anymore theres just your cold fingers stuck inside your throat in the wholes we dug in search of more im stuck inside you only feint whelps of the words you spoke a trickle of blood from your finger i kiss your thumb and wish you were still breathing your tears filling up everything and me we both drowned in the evening your heart in my hand and your hand both of us wrapped around

a new year and another one older... closer to the time of my life just by a few more days, and closer to everything ive ben waiting for. i think its pretty fuckin nice. now through the months i have succeeded in ataining a diploma of general education(g.e.d.) getting the top 15th percentile (pwning the god dam thing's face!) witch is always nicer then it might seem. ive spent my holidays taking time with my best ol buddy blake ... riding the dune buggies gettin d runk and playin guitar. not to mention missin my love ... but it does seem like the whole peace part of the holidays is working ... i have missed her more but it doesnt hurt as bad knowing that i can make her smile a little bit more then usual . i do believe that my next agenda is to pertain to some kind of work for myself... that would be nice to have money for a change. but other then that not much has changed with life in the dreary little town of hermosa... so heres to the new year... its gone and behind us an dam doesthat feel good... im so glad that its over... im glad this one is here

well im an artist a deffinent hopless romantic ... a dreamer and i sure as shit cant spell but i always set out to do what dreams are made of . that is be exact the stuff of dreams. tackle my opposition with lethargic steps . i am deffinently slow. but i come to my senses with sightfulness thinking before i act and allways weighing the measure of myself. but almost always it takes some sort demise to push me to reach for it . i dont like that about myself but i also seem to be in a cercumstantial situation that befalls me... that acts against me but it is my fault. i do fix it ... slowly... but i am a doer that is very much afected by my suroundings insperations and people ... people for the most part... alot of the time the lack there of... but i do what i feel is the utmost importance to my heart. something very few can say they do . i am proud messy and in love . i am a great person . i am a father . a lover . a misser and a hero to few. if anything i wish to inspire mankind with one infallable thing that is above god humanity government and the will to servive. love. this is the thing that i hold dear to me more then anything.. that i hold belief in ... that i channel through me for the benifit of me and all others. and this i love about myself . but i hurt sometime when i just feel the lack of something substancial besides that ... to provide for myself and others... i feel like i have no great skills.. i am privy to much but master of none... i dont know what i want to be when i grow up besides a utterly unstopable lover in every possible way . i am young . i know im im young and not sapose to know that yet ... but its the only thing that every throws doubt about myself in the mixture.. me and doubt is like cognac and milk... it curtles my stomach... putting a stop to me from the inside out and halting me to my knees ... but luckily i think i have found a path... a way out from my jobless lifeless hermitized self in the plaines of oblivion... a way to become at least something that makes me feel like a person worthy of the love i carry and commit to. i finally have stepped out of the forest... spoken to the people ive needed to.. set in plans that i can stick too... made an effort out of lethargic living to step up to the plate and not drive myself even more crazy . i dont lie anymore . i dont break promises. im not a little kid who doesnt know waht he is anymore .im a happy grown up in love and seeking meaning a purpose. and i think ive found them both . i love my people. i love you. with out you i could not make it . i could not overcome the doubt in me. i could not step up to be a human being . to not be a burden . even though i as a person could never seem like one. i love being in love. i love the path that im heading on. i am doing the right thing . for once i can see in front of me and have the will to walk towards my destiny that was so eliquently pasted to the sky amongst the stars . to bring home the turkey while you bring home the bacon. to be alive like you. to be really good for you. to fall in love all over again .

they say homes where the heart is they say you allways know your place but at the end of the day they never tell you how hard it is to stay when your will and your heart are in a far place when your torn apart every night by their face the cosmos pute you together and distance keeps you away i remember the touch of your hands the small patch of concrete outside your apartment where id sing to you threw a tiny window and youd come to me so i could whisper i love you threw all our favorite bands and there i would cry because i know what 20 days was about to take id have to leave you at the airport miserable and tierd and about to break because life becons and i realize your never a mistake threw the mountains of california we roamed threw the dessert we kissed in cars and dirty motel rooms so tierd from loving each other that sex was just like being stoned i remember how i made love to you covered in paint i undressed you caressed you and took my head to the sky like a man making a scar taking slow breaths as if i was about to feint so im telling you im coming home i dont know how soon but my scars burn for your taste each cigerette fills me each breath a waste untill i can get back off that plaine untill i can kiss your face

when i wake up in the middle of the night and all i see is you in the darkness... i feel those beads of sweat from some kind of nightmare....then fall into a pit of dispair... i sit up and drink till the thought is just.... just that i miss you too... i know im tierd... i know i feel like a loser... but you are just to beautiful to ignore ...even if its just a vision of you on the back of my eyelids... but this song keeps coming to my head... because....your not full of doubt... you know i can become what i am... me ...my trellis...supporting my tunnel from caving in .... deffinently pulling me through all this madness... this seppereation... this loss of my child... this promise of one of our own soon... this drive for a symbolic ring on your finger... i cannot wait till i can take you back to the dessert... to see you naked on the truck... to make love to you under our sattilites... i love you baby... thats all i feel right now ... even though im tierd... i still want her... need her.... and thats why i love her

do you see her reflection ... in every shiny surface ... do you look back behind you ... at the carpet where her tracks have stayed ... when you close your eyes... is she painted on the edge of everything you see... when you walk by the bathroom can you almost smell her ... can you hear you getting ready for the day ... do you fall asleep in the morning where she used to stay ... by the edge of your bed you do you feal her watch you write every day ... do you hear the little words she throws at you ... can you still feal the tears she allways tastes ... can you hear her thousands of miles away ... do you dream of her every day ... all the words in side your head ... she seems to hear before there even said ... she repeats them back to you in ways that were never ment ... not for mortal eyes has she ben made ... but that of an angels ... of something heaven sent and deep beyond all understanding ... a creature of love that wades through your iner being ... finding every little thing ... all of that what makes you you ... bringing it to the surface ... waiting for her to come around and inspire it off you ... she is your muse ... allways there but in the corner of your eye ... showing you shes still hear ... she is warm ... and leaves a cool touch ... a little reminder ... a little tear ... ///////////////////////////////////////////

you know.... this planet is so weird.... at least right now... i wonder if anyone out there really can grasp what life really is ... do you get your life? ... how fucked up do you think you are? ... how fucked up do you like to be? lol ... im just lovin it...im allmost 21....im very happy.... i have no job and im broke... but i love it ... i think and and spend time reading ancient philosphy... telling people who are all worried about there lives that life is life and life does what life does... makes you feel fucked up and want to be fucked up lol.... its just good...lifes good to me.... is life good to you ? do you take it for granted? ... i hope you dont ... it can be everything you want ...you just have to buck up... buckle down... and stand up for what you believe in... for what you are.... you.... :) ... you guys are good ... just be good ... and it will be good... do you what you want... make sure that it justifies your morals and who you are... and believe in it... and tell me if its all fucked up.... i'll help you fix it! ... for real ! do it ! i really will ! .... hahaha ...

i’l scream if i stop laughing im going to ask you about life the lose ends and old things karmas pavement and such little stops that have caused you strife i wonder how your hurt has ben how the fucks and the fiends call your name out loud and when it came to an end how depressed could you be? how many lies did you go through what were there names? did they remind you of me? some times the blanks the ones left out of the story wrap me up in themselves did the even say thanks? in the quiet evenings when the moon was blue when you were lost was the only word stuck in your head " you " did that word even have meaning because when i was lost i was so hurt and beside my self i could allways here you i could allways see the amount of everything that has happened to you i just want to know please never forget me please allways love me cry for me cry so hard that the word you is all that you see because the word ever day the word you was allways inside of me and when you were in moments of extasy i hope that you were thinking of me im so scared for the past im so scared for the future but right now im waiting for you to call me ////////////////////////////////////////// love is old news i think the thought of love is relativly something the rest of the world doesnt really get. when you come to this realization or something that tickles that back of your mind or something that makes you turn your head ....thats your thought of love... it has come to my mind that my love is a never ending stare... something that never leaves your mind...the first thing that you wake up to.....the thing you dream of....the fealing you wake up to.love really is something that can take you completely over... change your world your mindset and the way you live your life.. you never forget it. never lose your self in love ...let it get lost inside you. when sadness your lonelyness hits you like a tone of bricks.. love willcome to the rescue. it might takehours days years ... but it is on its way. i know this because i see the love in all the people that love me...that miss me...that dream of me and the fealings i give off..when your on your own and the fealings trap you...let love in and trap it in there ..it will eat away all the hurt pain and grief you might feal...i am depply in love. my love has transformed into something that is love a thousand fold... it has removed lies and deciete from my body...simpled and humbled even more...and most know me as someone of deep love and respect and a dam teddy bear...well ive gotton worse! lol...im just saying...i love you...you guys might want to check out my love of my life ...her name is rachel..shes is a beast of passion and understanding...a suolmate of mine...and a person of great spiritual stature...over 5 yeahrs ive known her...hurt her and caused her problems i dont even probobly know about...but one thing inever forgot ...even through having a child and raising one ...lieing to myslef to love another...ive never stopped thinking about her... ive never stopped loving her..shes is fantastic...a great fighter lvoer dreamer and believer..a person who will stand for love...knows its power...and has trapped it inside her...ive have hurt many in my years...her the most...forgiveness is loves bestfreind...because life without it is simply not life but a horrible nightmare...it has saved my life... with those to things someone so far away has saved me...you can become whatever you want if you believe in yourself...let the true beauty of what your capable of inside...just flow out of you...and on to the others you love...people you love..do you understand that you can make love from nothing...a simple hello can change the world for many people...remember to just be out there...go for love...because next comes happiness...and being happy is what everyone strives for...and i think me and her have found it...i hope i can help many other people find it with my spirit and my love...i love you. ///////////////////////////////////// shes watching me do you see her reflection ... in every shiny surface ... do you look back behind you ... at the carpet where her tracks have stayed ... when you close your eyes... is she painted on the edge of everything you see... when you walk by the bathroom can you almost smell her ... can you hear you getting ready for the day ... do you fall asleep in the morning where she used to stay ... by the edge of your bed you do you feal her watch you write every day ... do you hear the little words she throws at you ... can you still feal the tears she allways tastes ... can you hear her thousands of miles away ... do you dream of her every day ... all the words in side your head ... she seems to hear before there even said ... she repeats them back to you in ways that were never ment ... not for mortal eyes has she ben made ... but that of an angels ... of something heaven sent and deep beyond all understanding ... a creature of love that wades through your iner being ... finding every little thing ... all of that what makes you you ... bringing it to the surface ... waiting for her to come around and inspire it off you ... she is your muse ... allways there but in the corner of your eye ... showing you shes still hear ... she is warm ... and leaves a cool touch ... a little reminder ... a little tear ... /////////////////////////////////////////// a dream i woke up this morning i barely shed a tear a giant eye with fingers of gold comes to eat my light in a dream it has bound me to a chair with some kind of elaborate machine it billows with a slow hum gently i escape and the eye and the machine turn to dust and in front of me some kind of electric sound grows i walk up on to a stage with the world in front of me like a god ive escaped to see such a beauty from some kind of miraculous dream then to just wake up and i find out its a product of some machine an elaborate illusion projected and broadcasted through the sounds of of all of our dreams

he was to pritty so i stayed up all night jsut to watch him breath he was beautiful just sitting there not petty or weak just awe inspiring, truthful and innocent i cant help but fall in love with the sighs he makes and the sounds of his mind on the pillows i cant help but cry my world disolves and billows and in the nothing my son is my light i love you so i kiss you goodnight and end the day with goodbye just to stay up and peek on you with one open eye

****** BECAUSE MABY I NEED YOU MORE****** Hey everybody.....im back here in Georgia. things are goin pretty good here. i get to live with alisha....i got a job at walmart and im gonna buy a car soon ....i go for my introduction thing tomorow wich means im starting...its gonna be fun im pretty happy being here ...i cant wait to see muh babie when hes born... i love you ... like a pair of bright eyes in the morning the air cold and brisk ready to walk into the mourning im sorry to reason in the risk year we move on again to waiting for tiny voices and 18 years of being cruel its time to listen we fall on our backs and swept away like a game of sudden death forgotten but not dead today not dead today so listen to me when i tell you what to do ... forget the sorrow forget tomorrow jsut stick today odnt move to fast life goes still 48 hour bus ride just means that it was time time to leave home and go on left the world behind to come back home 48 hours time line it will be a long ride

Oh the days....how sweet and infintile this world is on these cold days in october..such a calming indulgance to my own being that i do not see how hard things are...how made of stone life is in the end.Wow today is a good day...i miss scurrying** about the town in my ninja turtle costume....getting fist fulls of candy and a tummy acke before bed. SO today i sat and watched the little ones get there own candy in the darkness of my front porch while i played my guitar...i miss so many things from childhood...im glad i have my music to remind me....so im going to bed...sing to me in my sleep my friends...ill anserw you in the morning....lvoe you all...happy halloween...blessed be hehe...goodnight.

TOday is a good day....i slept for like a whole day yesterday....from 630 pm to 1 pm thenext day ....19 hours...pretty good....i felt like so weord when i woke up lol...but it was a good weird...like a sittin on the porch while the sun rises weird....i lvoed it...but i missed my alisha...and i had like 15 wicked dreams....one about ice skating and hugging santa clause....i think ive ben so bored i hat to go on vacation for a lil while in my dreams...ya know everthing gets all stressed out and things start to suck and your all angry and tierd....i think it was a vacation... ya know like bright eyes said...,"cuz we all get tierd, i mean eventually, theres nothing left to do but sleep"

FORGIVE Me....for running of to find the one thing i had to do and each night, you can fall asleep asured someday ill be comin home to you hoo hoo thes constant reminders in everything I I seee the chance of , a life time what a great place to beee oh wait and dont hate me for running away from you oh wait and dont hate me cuz im still in love with you sorryyyy i cant be every thing to youuuu your face is at the heart of what i dooo many thanks for youuu oh wait me dont hate me for running away from you oh wait me dont hate me cuz im still in love with you every time i ruunn awayyyy its easier to stayyy at the heart the heart is you, in everything i do every time i ruunn awayyy its easier to stayy at the heart the heart is you in everything i dooo to all my freinds...i am sorry....i have hurt so many unwillingly....i lvoe you guys dammit ill be home soon...my life was so hard chelsea through that times....you were right in everything you said and you dont know what that means to me that you know what it was like then....it was so hard tos tay alive then and things were bad and i only had a few people, i dotn really remember anything exept you and wanting to fight for my life agaisnt everything cuz i felt so bad for me ...and for you..i wanted to help you cuz i saw how beautiful you could be... and ive think youve done it...you can be so happy if u jsut give it a little push ....you were amzing to me i never had a freind like you..we would talk everyday on the phone for 9 hours and not say a thing an it would be great...bad thigns would happen and we would be there for each other...i love telling people about you and how crazy we are together...god i miss all of you...you were right i was there for you....u did push me away and i did stay....but dont be sad about that cuz you made me stronger....ims sorry things fell apart but shit happens but i will never forget how you could lift me up past everything and we would be ok ... oh my god it was so hard then for me..prolly for the both of us and everyone else i was jsut so out of it everything sliced me to bits...and i have the scars to prove it...and chelsea my darling you saved my life with 7 words..." hey arent you the guy from alaska?"... i was planning the whole thing to die that day u said hello and u made me think it over...u saved me...i adore you thats why i never want to hurt you ...you mean a hell of a lot to me...and i would drop allmost anything for you love....i dotn know waht else to say ecept im sorry and take care and ill see you soon. alisha my love....you surprised me with everything you did on a cold night before i sliced my arm open to the world and bled down my chair....my love u saved me from exstacy of drugs alchohol and hurting my self and being unhappy...you made me happy....you lvoed me and held me in your arms you took care of me. you are s beautiful and stunning i cannot fathom the idea with out you because it breaks my heart in 2.you fought with me...you actually made me diefine love.....its unconditional understanding without moching and hate....its essance is pure tenderness and love..love cannot be described...only felt in a touch... id sacrifice everything for you.....your caring for my child..i dunno if we'll bre ok but i wanna try and do it...for the sake of my sanity i lvoe you and i want you to be so speacial...i think you will be wthe mother of goodness and u'l be kind hearted you jsut have to let go of the hurt and hold on to me and we'll be ok...i can help im jsut not there im sorry...i lvoe you...you have saved me from unhappiness....i wat to do anything in my power to make you happy.....you and my freinds and my child...you are mine and precious tome in every way...i love you I Love You

SHE STAYS UP ALL NIGHT WOOHOOHOOHOOOOOOO!!! MSI rocks my damned socks Alisha Rocks my damned sex qoinkidink?.... i think not .... oh the disasterous sunami!!! i drove through it a week after i got my licence!!! im the official bad ass of the year... somebody hit me hahaha... THis is THE LAST DANCE....UNDEr PRESSUREEEE!!! THAnK YOU VER MUCH BUFFALO ...goodnight

Hey everybody...today was an ok day..things were alright till i got home and found out somone at my old school got shot today and died.Everyone there is devestated and all thoughts go out to them...they dont need this right now and it just makes me angry that he got shot trying to do the right thing....tryin to stop a fight...dammit thats wrong...bu shit cant be help...like i said before the world is cruel and odd and things happen for the wrong damn reasones..just now you know you have to let the love provail and things would be better...all you can do now is pra or do what you do...so all you you who are daz's freinds take care...hes in a good place now..take care yall love you. "rest in piece young nigga theres a heaven for a g, i'd be a lie if i tod ya i never thought of death my nigga we the lasts one left and life goes on...worry me smilin with g's in my pocket have a party at my funeral let every rapper rock it let the ho's that i used to know from way before kiss me from head to toe..and life goes on..." - Tupac

Ahhhhh.....this is a good day...i feal numby....i love everybody...that right you...YOU....i can see your nose from inside the screen....heh....scandalous...scandalous i say!!!.....eh twitching makes me giggle ...hehehehehe....Stacy had her baby!!( my girls step momma) he so precious! i love him.....him and my lil gilr are gonna grow up together hehe how awsome i think....je looks like my alisha when she was a baby hahaha thats beautiful...dammit i huuungray...i hace a ciggy now then and a dew...mmmm dew.....rarrr ic ant wait to be home soon ...i love you all ...i need to get sexed up ...its good for my health and i think im losin my mojo...well love you and peace out all..

TODAY WAS FUCKIN wEIRD..!#$@#$@ lol it was great i got sick thos mornign threw all up in da shower so i went and fell asleep in my mothers bed at 6:30 am... i woke up at 3:30 and i ate an omlette...ham cheese an toast..yummy then i watched 12 minutes of hairy potter and said suck and fuck this shit...hah and ie ben online playin vdeo games and gettin pissed of at god damn mexican immagrants..biches i drank to kinds of tea.....black blueberry and green honey....yummyness is the bomb...yay that means only 3 days of school this week.. well i love you all hopefully im not dead soon! yay for politics! down with the union! hang the comunists!.....god i need an enima...is that how u spell { en-a-muh } lol...im great...im fuckin horny....dammit woman....ehh ....i lvoe you if your reading this ^_^ hehe ...i feal like bouncing and takeing weird drugs....BUT DRUGS ARE BAD....lol...i dotn care if YOU do em though...only if i do em or someone else....but their pregant so YEAYAH....that shit aint happenein lol...hugs and kisses muah MUAH get off my leg you fucking dog...god...dammit......!@$#%$%......lol.......im walking away now......