Do me a favor...anwser this. How can you force someone to go to church when they dont really believe...its like...no, thats not what i mean...i mean how can you go to church and say you believe only because your parents make you? from an early age, i guess i have always felt the presence of God in my life. up until like....i was in second grade, then i became a little second grader in a smaller church with a membership a few short of a hundred. the time of being lost [second grade till...eighth] Seventh grade was a really hard time for me. i struggled and was lost and confused and thought, what the hell has God done for me? i didnt know and i thought theres no God, thats bogus. I made a lot of bad decisions, i was 'depressed' but my parents denied it. i cut and fought and swore and dyed my hair...what a sinner. You know, that sounds bad but i guess Eighth grade was my rebellious year...well, in my mind, all of junior high is all the same. Anyways, in eighth grade i started going to these bible studies and i was the weird one. i mean, e'eryone else there went to church there, and although they were all my age and knew who i was and i knew who they were, we were still...like..NOT friends.I was friends with carlee and joanna but not jenna. thanksgiving was definately a downer point for me. we had all my family over and whenever we get together, its a little crazy. but getting to the good part, my grandma, my husband's girlfriend and her daughter and i were all sitting around my dinner table in pennock. they were all painting their nails and i went to get my nailpolish, conicedently it was ...well, black. and lets just say..gramma flicked me off and called me a gothic bitch or something along those lines. it still hurts to talk about. i mean me and my gramma had always been close, her coming down to stay with us and we went up to see her every like...month or so, maybe even more frequent than that. but.she took us to fairs and things like that. I didn't really have any friends and so i went for negative attention...not like smoking or doing drugs...well i smoked a few times with tenecia in the back of her house. but i mean it was a like...two times im over this kinda thing. i cut and was all sad. When, one of my closest friends had the guidance counsloer come and talk to me, it was really hard for me because i did not want to admit what i was doing was wrong and i covered it up. tha just made me more mad like who does she think she is? whats this gonna do for me? talking to this lady who knows nothing about me and what im going through. i was ticked. people were concerned and i hated that. i just wanted to be left alone. i continued to go to bible study. loud and boisterous. i apologize, anita for testing your patience....confirmation helped a lot too. Ninth Grade. still lost,but...with some questions anwsered. this was the year of my confirmation. it was hard, i felt i needed to assure my faith before my confirmation. i didnt want to go up there and lie to a congregation of people who were 'scpecting something out of me. i would have hated to disappoint them..i continued going to bible study, and practically joined youth group at vinje. i wanted to go on a mmission trip with them so i helped wtih fundraising, and other fun stuff...like movie nights and whatever and went to wednesday night live and church there sometimes. but because of their STRONG youth programs, they, mostly anita, anwsered my questions and helped me find my path. im so glad to say that...even when i was lost, i know God was waiting there with open arms.