i cruised around looking for information on abortions. they've declined steadily over the past two years. then again i did find 12 sites that eagerly reported names, address's, and number of abortions commited by doctors, the same sites gave simple to follow directions on firebombs, and explosives. abortion is prolife. but the stereotypical "prolifer" is actually full of hate not love, they state they love this sack of embryotic goo but really they hate the mothers who choose to rid themselves of an unwanted thing. Ayn Rand said things simillar to this ( i stopped quotes to much anger) she's brilliant in ways i haven't before seen in a person. i must continue research. i would like to see a gay black woman run for president. preferrably one who is from the green party, and supports the outlaw of censorship. i'm not saying i'd vote for her, i'd just like to see the idiots run in fear of the end. i wish i had an absolute definition of faith. because i've seen countless quotes on what it truely is. to some it is the knowledge that you can understand what you comprehend but the willingness to believe in what you cannot. others call it ignorance, a simple belief in the unreal. i think faith is a mix of both. i have faith in my offspring to make change in the world, no matter they're politcal/religious backgrounds, i just have faith that when they are born they will change things. but having faith in an invisible creature to take us to another plane of exisstence in which we are judged by the dead, then sent to yet another plane of existence where we are punished for our supposed sins or decorated and honored for our life of good. i wonder how much St. Paul goes for, i mean everyone has their price... i enjoy marilyn manson, a lot. i am not a mansonite. at least i don't believe i am nor do many people i know. those people that walk around in massive black garb and paint they're faces white to appear dead, i like them. but im not one of them, today i wore jeans with the tag worn off because i don't care who made it, and a t shirt from estes park colorado where i went once...i don't entirely understand the social ranking in the school system. the media shows that it's all one large ranking, where the termed "preps" tend to reign and at the bottom the "geeks" or "nerds". but realisticly they are all based in they're own seperate groups, regardless of majority of others. then they tend to intermingle quite readily. when did it become cool to be ignorant of truth. don't take that statement wrong, simply that people don't want to hear objections to there selves, where as i revel in it, if someone were to hold a weapon to my temperal lobe and froth at the mouth wile screaming bible quotes of why i have sinned, i believe i would laugh uncontrolably, i would hit the floor with tears of comic relief wetting my cheeks, i may even wet myself out of the humour. and in this confusion the gunman would be neutralized and i would be deemed cowardly for crying and wetting myslef, but really it's so very funny. .......kill for your peace and die for self preservation........ if you could meet one person who would you meet. i am so tired of the cliche's of sports, artists, and dead presidents. im also tired of the "new" cliche, like the man that invented CD covers. things meant to be new and off the wall. but they never really think of who they would like to meet. me personally i would like to have a sit down with an unknown serial killer. one with a few kills under his belt but not enough to really get the media's juice's flowin. just a few here and a few there. i wonder what they think at at night. not when they have a blade impaled in human flesh, or whatever it is they do, but when they lay on a bed, with their head on a pillow what goes through their mind. not the how do you sleep at night schpiel just when you are comfortable and relaxed, what is it like. i think they'd say the same thing we all say...u figure out what that is i'd like to write a book. i've wanted to for so very very long but it seems to elude me at every grasp. nothing is right, it is all unorignal, everything is gone and yet it feels as if the idea in my mind is encased in a burlap sack...the edges stick out and i get the shape but the actual product eludes me. i know if i could write it people would read it and wake up and realize the hell they live in and allthe mistakes they're making and maybe just maybe people would wake up from being awake. i think we're all in comas really, like a pillow smothering us, and no one knows quite how to get it off and take a deep breath...even the happy one's i think there's a chance i would be reported to police officials for typing some things i think about, i find it so very hard to type the things i really want to post...please kill me. let's try one on just for size i think a school shooting isn't so bad. wow that hurt in ways you will never comprehend, to press this save button will take every ounce of mental strength i have. freedom of speech hurts. i wonder whether or not i should give this website to my psychologist. i like him in a way, but i don't show this to him, its hard to take down a mask you've spent your life building, its not on a switch or anything. i wish he could see through me so i wouldn't have to say it...i dont' need another adult telling me i'm going to go places, and question people and keep people on there toes i already know that, tell me something i don't know so i can learn i crave to know what or why i am. i still cut myself occassionally, but it's not for pain and it's not to "release demons" its because i like seeing my blood, i mean it's supposed to stay inside my body right so i just like to check it out occassionally, besides it blends so perfectly with everything, even water looks more beautiful with a few drops of blood floating in it. i wish i could bottle some and paint with it...i think i need help but it feels right what i say .........i want to pierce my lip, because it feels empty............