Sunday 9 November 2008 2:53am This song must be new, Love Lockdown by Kanye West. I haven't heard of this song until now. I'm watching MTV Hits playlist at the moment...and now they're playing, 'If I Were A Boy' by Beyonce. Great song. Sometimes I wish I were a boy--though I enjoy being a girl and doing the girly things we do. I don't know, but it's like guys have it easy..and I'd like to experience that, even if it lasted only a day. * I've semi-working out lately. I jogged two days in a row, I have been walking that mile home from school everyday for almost 3 months, and doing excercises from Fit TV at least twice a week. I feel good knowing that I'm actually getting some type of exercise put into my schedule just about everyday of the week. I do not have a scale at the moment, so I'm not sure about exactly what my weight is. I know it's between 125-130--or maybe less. I'm currently at a healthy weight--that's all I really know, but I feel gross about myself often. I don't know what it is...but that's how I feel. You know what's annoying? well, when people are all like...you're so skinny. What is skinny? They only say it because they aren't as thin as you are, or maybe they just wish they had your body because that person is a little overweight. IDK maybe I'm wrong...those are my thoughts, and that's how I feel. Another annoying thing is the fact that some people believe you don't need to exercise unless you are trying to lose weight. What the hell is wrong with being fit, and in shape? What is wrong with people these days? ** Sometimes, I hate that I'm still here..breathing going through all of this shit everyday. On my report card, I got two 'C's and 2 'B's. Everytime I think about it, I feel like crying. Just locking myself in my room until these last two years are over. Somehow, maybe then I'd get acceptable grades. My father no longer cares about anything that has to do with me. There are some pros and cons with that. Pros: I don't have to hear his voice, and listen to him repeat himself over and over again about the same things. Cons: I need some sort of support...what about when I go to College? Who's going to give me advice on that matter? Whatever, I guess I do have people. I have my uncle..who lives close by, and I have my grandmother--who works with the scholarship programs or whatever. She can help me, can't she? ** I guess I'll just try not to think so much about it. I have 1-2 years to go. Just focus on the present. One step at a time.