a letter to you... "when did you know you were in love with me?" "the first time i layed eyes on you," he said. i hoped he wouldn't ask me the same question back because i could think of nothing to say that would cover up my less decisive answer. someone must be watching over me because he didn't ask the only question i couldn't answer. truth is, i did have an answer, i just couldn't tell it to him. when he asks for the exact moment i fell in love with him, i wouldn't even have to think about it. "that's an easy one," i'd say. "i never did." he would be shocked and hurt almost as if planned. but if you want me to be honest, i can't offer you anything but the truth. truth is, i probably have plenty of secrets that you don't want to hear. good thing for both of us, because i'll never say a goddamn word. which is fine with you either way, i suppose. because what you don't know won't hurt you. but it doesn't matter anyway, because i can't seem to put my feelings into words. maybe thats because there isn't enough lined paper in the world for that. but i suppose i could try for the next page and a half... so, as long as we're on honesty, i can honestly say this won't turn out like you've planned. i can't even keep up with you and that generally leaves someone feeling inadequate. which is fine - because it's always me. but there's only one thing i want to say to you. and i have no idea why its so hard to say to your face, but here goes: you're moving too fast, because i don't love you. although i like all these pretty little suburban lies you whisper to me after breakfast in bed; it damages my reality. never in my life did i think i'd find someone like you. but now that i've found you, i can't seem to slow things down fast enough. there's a minor thing i've forgotten to tell you and it starts with a capital I. "i'm INCAPABLE of falling in love with you." swallow that. and you did. and you were crushed - right on schedule. i don't know what i expected exactly, but i fell fast asleep while dreaming of far off fantasies of another life together. i guess if i can convince myself that it's all just a dream, then maybe we might actually have a shot at a relationship. ...that might have been lost in the mail.