i miss this.

i leave on the 22. that is a little more than a week. i am excited for my single room. it will be good for studying and things. i am nervous too. i saw my ra on facebook and she scares me a little.

i guess i cared more than i thought. still care actually. i wish i didn't. i have no real reason to care. i would like to be done. 2 days of high school left. one month til i am on a plane to dublin. and then to london. where i will see death cab. and drink in pubs. and go to cool museums. and be outside the bubble of fishers. and be away from my parents. and then it is orientation fr iu. and a last few weeks with all my friends. and then college. i still sort of wish i had been a bit more ambitious and actually filled out my evergreen app. or the earlham one. it'd be kinda cool to be going to college without anyone from high school. oh well. i still miss my hair SO much. it is dumb but hey, i cna't help it. why do i like this diary more than xanga? possibly because it feels safer. i want to get my roommate assignment. i am very nervous.

i have thus far managed to thoroughly enjoymy spring break, which may make it that much harder to go back to school. I really just have to get buy for the next less than 2 months. and then iu. which will be fun. it amazes me how much my attitude about that school has changed over the past few years, but i really am looking forward to it. it's not a big hse. it's only like that if you cling to old friends and refuse to step outside your comfort zone. and bloomington is cool. i'm excited. i should start my comp paper today but that doesn't sound very appealing. i have spent excessive amounts of money this week. i need to save or i won't be eating at all in england/ireland. we should be cementing our plans this weekend. i work this saturday. if i'm not fired for last saturday. last saturday was fun. i like purdue people. i need to figure out if i am going to prom. and if i am i need to find a date/dress. i'd rather not worry about it at all. i still like sitdiary more than xanga. for some reason it's easier to say things here. maybe because no one reads this one. sometime this week i have tentative plans to see a movie with a certain someone. hopefully this happens and hopefully this goes well. i don't want awkwardness.

i listened to the nrigth eyes christmas album today, it put me in the spirit, or at least more so. i am hopefully finishing all of my shopping tomorrow. i still have to buy presents for everyone but my dad. i know what i want to get my mom and chris but i can't seem to find either one. it is frustrating. i don't know about my other friends or my sister. i can't really afford to buy presents. i don't know what happens to all of my money, but it disappears so quickly. school is over. i am happy. life is good. i am in a good place right now. i should have rented a movie tonight after work because now i'm bored. i was sure i'd have to work christmas eve, but i am done for the week. thank god. i got in 10 hours and i am satisfied with that. i have been thinking about things and come to certain conclusions about how worthwhile certain hobbies/interests are and i have decided certain things are just not worth the risk they impose. i am trying to not be vague but also not be specific and really i am not saying much of anything at all. i have to cash the christmas money my uncle sent me to pay for presents. why can't i budget better? it shouldn't be so goddamn hard. i love my cats.

I hate snow.

things are good except that i seem to be suffering from an almost fatal case of senioritis. but i've always been pretty lazy.

i miss the glory days of sitDiary.

this site just makes me depressed anymore. it is dead or dying. i made a xanga. because qing made me. and i am her bitch. i wonder if it could possibly live up to sit. i like using awful punctuation.like this. things are confusing me...dkfjdklsfjdsf. i gotsta pee.

Guess who has Bright Eyes tickets? Cami does, that's who. And fuck Fallout Boy for making the Motion City Soundtrack show sell out. Bastards. I think I'm going to see Bayside though, that is if Hawthorne Heights doesn't fuck that up for me by selling out all the tickets too. I should stop eating Grape Nuts so often. (Rachel I say this for your benefit.) I think using proper capitalization makes my entries seem more intelligent, so I resolve to keep it up.

the new death cab cd turned out to be far more exciting than turning 18. i'm dying less, or at least at a slower rate now. the school is far too crowded and once one kid gets a bacterial infection 1000 more get it in a week. people should wash their hands more and generally be less disgustingly germ-ridden. time to do important things.

i have to work on my birthday. it is sad. that is if i survive until tomorrow, because i think i might be dying. or i just have what ever infection is going around. i really didn't want to miss school today, what with cupcakes and all, but it was probably for the best. the hurricane katrina stuff is so horribly depressing. i want to do more than put my spare change in a jar. i can't believe how unaware i was of everything that was going on until i watched cnn today. anyway. the new death cab cd is amazing. so is the new(ish) motion city soundtrack. uhh, my brain hurts.

no one uses sit anymore. i think it is the end of an era and i blame myspace. and i think i just broke my ipod. fuck. on tuesday death cab comes out. saturday i turn 18. which is more excitng? ohh and bright eyes/the faint are cominggggggggggg, but it is the day i get back from chicago, which also happens to be a sunday. i think i will be cool and keep updating this even though everyone has quit.

you would think i would have learned by now, but self-control really has never been one of my strengths. i do not want to be that girl. i refuse to be that girl. so, i'm going to be good for awhile, until i think i can handle myself better. school is still weird, but slightly better. i miss qing and hope she gets better really soon. i talk to the mormon boys in my speech class now that she is gone. they are pretty entertaining. and kelly and i have abandoned our awkward lunch table for eating in the pub lab. at least this way we are not forced to sit around waiting for people to talk. i'm nervous about newspaper. i have no idea what the fuck i am doing on in-design. thank god i have jen. i'm tired and thirsty. i have to work soon. this shaping up to be a pretty shitty weekend. haha on monday i think schmad is going to show me the pictures from the show. that should be kinda funny. all though i'd kinda like to pretend none of this stuff happened. tuesday bayside comes out. also we have a vox meeting for the time in ages. i really to get on the ball with that and give chico a call.

my schedule pretty much blows. the first day always sucks though so i am hoping things will look up. as of right now though i'm not really happy with any of my classes or teachers except study hall with kelly and speech with qing. discrete math seems like a joke. maybe it can boost my gpa. i was kinda excited about government and looking forward to learning some cool things but mr. hoover is my teacher so instead i can enjoy rants about nascar and how cheerleading is not a sport. i just have to remember- the sooner it starts the sooner it ends.

i went to the final geraldine show with jordan last night. it was decent, but i get bored with that stuff easily. i may have gotten called a bitch there. which is kinda cool since it happens so rarely (to my face i mean), butit was likely they were saying it to jordan anyway. we left a little early and went to the y show. we are cool so we didn't have to pay. the only way i am ever going to another y show is if i get in free again. so many young kids there. that is what school will be like next year. weird. the entire experience of last night made me very glad i do not have a "group." there is so much drama with them. i am thankful for my odd assortment of awesome friends who i never fight with. i love you all. anyway. tuesday- sell subscriptions at freshmen orientation chelcie's birthday dinner wednesday- registration thursday- dinner at the govenor's mansion friday- newspaper lock-in. (what better way to spend the last friday of summer?) saturday- work all night (what better way to spend the last saturday of summer?) next wednesday- school starts next friday- agony scene show! 8/23- new bayside album 8/30- new death cab album! 9/3- i turn the big one eight 9/6?- new against me! album 9/30- against me! show in bloomington!/possible iu visit

i've got angst in my pants

i played the game of life tonight and then got depressed. i was an umarried highschool graduate salesperson with three kids and a $30,000 salary. plus i lived in a mobile home. i am slightly concerned that my real life maybe heading down a similar path. i have no direction whatsoever and very little drive or ambition. oh, and i am incapable of having relationships with people (boys).i worry that i'm going to end up a cat lady at some point. scary. i should work on these things. seriously.

things are good. now that things are actually happening my summer is winding down. school starts sooner than i'd like to think about. senior year. guess i should start looking at colleges. or maybe not. there are a couple shows coming up this fall. i'm getting excited. against me! is coming i think on 9/20. i will be 18 by then. weird. senior pictures are august 2, i believe. i am getting my pictures taken by a registered sex offender. yay. i think i am developing a crush. this not good but since i have caught it in the early stage maybe i can rid myself of it painlessly. qing and i are going to be quitters this year. i quit cross country and she's quitting marching band. i like corrupting young asian girls. we are going to join something nerdier than cc or mb like academic team or quiz bowl and film club. we real cool. my appetite has returned. damn. i was saving so much money once i stopped eating like 6 times a day. oh well, i missed the pleasure i get from food. i need to get reading.

what a night. most of the details are blurry and the ones that are clear are best kept to myself. i had fun but i acted like the girls i hate.i really surprised myself. and everyone else there. sorry about that guys. i really can't believe i am home alone all week. today i have to buy warped tickets. i hope it is not a complete waste of $30. i have not been sleeping really the past week.