I’m ruined. Everything I’ve done has been for someone who wont fight for me, and no one can live under these conditions, especially me. A suicide attempt has left me empty and hollow realizing that I need to get over this, otherwise I will die under the influence of what I thought was love. I can’t say I haven’t enjoyed the year and some that he brought me, but in the end it is making me an emotional wreck. I often wish that I could go back, and not have played “spin the bottle” and I wish I would have just blew off going to the movies with Catie, Patrick, and Stephanie. It’s funny how something so little can happen, and change you so much. In the past year I felt many things that I never thought that I would feel. I never thought I would feel what Hollywood productions make out to be love. I didn’t think that I could be hurt so much just because a boy cheated on me, I didn’t think I could almost die because of simple words. I didn’t think it worked like this, and I didn’t think that I would have been such an easy lover. I’m a pushover, you can step all over me, and I wont fight back. I’m defenseless, like a little child. I’m nothing more than your average teenager. It’s so silly how someone as young as thirteen can think they felt what fairytales are made out to be. Is there really a happy ending? Will I ever have my Cinderella ending? If only things could be that easy, to be able to trust someone and be in a long relationship. After this, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to trust someone with my feelings ever again. I don’t even tell my new boyfriend anything. In a month I will be fifteen, hopefully I have matured. I think I like The Butterfly Effect so much just because there wasn’t really that “happy ending” that most movies have. I don’t know, It gave me a feeling no other movie has really gave me. Winter is here, and even though I love the feeling of Christmas, right after that, things get really bad, especially in February. I’m hoping this year will be different, but for the past 6 years winter has meant nothing except trouble and heartache. I’m thinking about deleting everything, except by doing that, I wouldn’t know how to start off new, I don’t think I would even be able to.