i sit here in my cold dark basement in complete thought last night was strange i wanted to be held in his arms i longed for it i just could not let myself go i could not let myself follow him upstairs to sleep in his room alongside him something stopped me something deep inside although part of me wanted to follow to the warmth of his bedroom the larger half kept me locked in my spot on the couch in his cold basement i cant hurt him i cannot lead him on i cannot love him it is something my heart wont do i hate myself for what i did and i sometimes regret putting it all to a halt the reason i hate myself is because it hurt him it does not matter how much it hurt me its him i cant let myself go not even for one night deep inside i still care i still want him back but there are things that i have not found out yet and i am still searching for the answers so i can resolve this and we can both finally be happy...