it's the day after good friday, and i wanqt to go out tonight. but it wont happen. it never does. mum is finaly beginning to see what has (strangely) kept me here. the love for her. and she doesn't doubt that things hbave been had. fuck. now bshe even gets what was so hard for me to pin point my ongoing sadness to. the miss of phoenix organic carbonated drinks. the miss of native trees: kauri, ponga (silver ferns), matai, rimu, nikau, kowhai, ets. the miss of the riverflow, the constant sound of streams. and bloody good drinking water. the miss of maori language, and people and the food. i mikss yams. i can't be bothered finishing this off anymore. was slightly inspired, now can't give two fucks. maybe later?