ok so the last two weeks have sucked pretty damn bad... got hurt when i thought that it was impossible... well right now i just am really confused... i went from some what knowing what i want to not knowing at all.. yes we are still on a break and we think that we should stay that way for a while. we talked about it every night this week which still gives me some hope in my heart that he will still be in my life forever, weither thats as a boy that i can call mine or a boy that i can call my bestfriend forever. either way i want him to stay... i just wish things in life would speed up to where im out of school but part of me knows i will miss it deep down. i was thinking last night while driving i think that i might want to try to treat my addictions by beating my addictions not by adding more addictions... bc going back to the one that hurt me the most wasnt one of my strong points this year and ive realized that... but now that i can see me i dont think im worth a second glance.. meaning why would anyone want to get in tho this mess we call my life... its so messed up now with dad and boys and the confusion... i just dont knwo i want someone there i can lean on but i dont want to mess them up bc right now i feel like thats all i do is make every guy ive ever loved hurt. and i dont want that but i just want someone to let me know ill be ok and that life is more than the feeling of a knife up the spine..... who knows... i guess life is wanting to die but at the same time live for so much....