so it's been a while since i've been on here. thought maybe i should log in so it didn't get deleted like quite a few old diaries have been.
so, i've been working on a new story. NO PROMISES, but if i were to ever post it, would anyone be interested in reading it?
(wrote this for the same class as the one below. don't worry, this ones slightly happier ;] )
"I'm going to miss you so much."
"I know, I'm going to miss you too, but it's only for a week, and you're going to have the time of your life; I mean, it's not every day you get to go to Italy!"
"Yeah, I guess so..."
16-year-old Vincent Ramone hugged his girlfriend Micah reassuringly. "Don't worry, it'll be an amazing trip, and it'll be over so quickly you'll feel like the end came before the beginning, and you'll hate it." He kissed her lightly. "I'll see you as soon as you get back, I love you, and I miss you already."
She smiled "I love you too; I'll try to call you if my cell phone works over there."
He laughed "eat lots of real Italian pizza for me!"
Micah hugged him one last time. She held him as long as she could, and looked longingly back at him as she walked down the terminal. When she could no longer see him, she turned away with a sigh and boarded the plane with a slight sense of apprehension of her upcoming flight, flight 626, to London, England. When arriving, she would have a two and a half hour layover in the London airport before boarding another plane destined for Venice, Italy.
However, the family's happy vacation was simply not meant to be. just before the plane reached the outskirts of England, something went terribly wrong. The plane engines sputtered and coughed violently before dying, dropping the plane into the icy waters of the English Channel with a violent splash.
Just before the plane became submerged by water, one of its passengers, the one sitting in seat 7b, with her eyes squeezed shut and her hands clutching her seat, whispered a tremulous good-bye to the boy she loved, praying he somehow might hear her even though he was over a thousand miles away.
One Year Later
After being confined in a hospital in Windsor, England for just a few weeks shy of a full year, Micah Grey was finally released. She was now 17 and, after surviving massive head trauma which had put her into a coma for several months, as well as several broken bones, she was walking out of the hospital that had been home to her for so long with her head held high. She was a survivor, a true success story, which is something every hospital needs a few of.
She was miraculously the only known survivor of the horrific plane crash that had left over a thousand people dead. The sailors who had discovered her were dumbfounded; they had no idea how she had been able to survive it. At any rate, they hadn't expected her to pull through it, and if she did manage to overcome that slim chance, they would never have expected her to fully recover. But now, she was walking, talking, and laughing with them at their odd sailor jokes, as she spent her last hours in England with the men to whom she owed her life. With lots of laughter, a few tears, and promises to keep in touch, she said her final good-byes to them, and left England to begin her long trip back to her home in America. She traveled alone, being that her parents had died in the plane crash that fateful night, and she didn't have any other realitives. Micah liked it that way though; she wasn't one to have another person constantly looking over her shoulder or breathing down her neck.
She arrived in Orlando, Florida several days later. Afraid to fly, she had boarded a passenger ship, feeling that if anything went wrong again, she'd at least be closer to the water than the last time. The trip seemed to take several years to Micah, who still had a three hour drive to look forward to before finally reaching her hometown; West Palm Beach.
She couldn't wait to see Vince again; it had been so long. And even longer for him, she imagined, the poor kid. She had tried to call him the instant she had awakened in the hospital, but his number had changed, somehow.
She sighed heavily and said to herself. "He must be so hurt; he probably thinks that I just didn't care to contact him." Then, she corrected herself. "No, he would never think like that."
After several hours of driving, she finally arrived in West Palm. Her eyes snapped back and forth as she took in all the sites of the city; some old, comfortable, and familiar, some new, and terribly exciting, at least for Micah. Not even bothering to go to her own home, she drove straight to Vince's house. When she arrived, she hopped out excitedly, scampered up the familiar sidewalk, and rang the doorbell, her heart beating wildly. She wondered distractedly when they had purchased a new car...
A heavyset man with a long, dark beard, beady eyes, and a booming voice answered the door.
"CAN I HELP YOU?!" He thundered.
"I umm, I-I'm looking for V-Vince." She answered timidly, completely caught off-guard.
"WHAT?"
"Vince!" She repeated, more clearly this time.
"NO, I DO NOT DANCE, BUT WHY DO YOU ASK?" He roared, a confused look sneaking its way across his dark features.
"No-" She attempted to steady her shaking voice. "I'm looking for a boy named VINCE..." she shouted the last word.
"NO, WE DON'T WANT ANY MINTS!" He bellowed at Micah, looking even more puzzled than before.
"PLEASE sir, I-"
"What's going on out here? Ron, what are you shouting about?" a woman of about her mid-forties, with long brown hair, a slight figure, and a gentle face asked curiously from behind the towering figure of her husband.
"WHAT?"
The woman rolled her eyes and pulled the great beast of a man away from the doorway. "Go back inside." she said, pushing him gently in the direction of their living room.
She turned to Micah. "Forgive my husband; he really isn't as scary as he must seem. Honestly, he couldn't hurt a fly, but he refuses to acknowledge that his hearing just isn't what it used to be." She smiled kindly. Micah smiled back weakly, regaining some of her composure.
"So my dear, what can I do for you?"
"I'm looking for a boy named Vince. The last I knew, he lived here."
"I'm sorry; we've lived in this house for a little over nine months. But now that I think of it, I believe the family we bought the house from said something about their son Vince or Victor or something along those lines. And if I remember correctly, they mentioned something about a tragedy..."
Her heart racing, Micah asked her next carefully. "Do-do you have any idea where they went?"
She shook her head gravely. "I'm sorry, I have no idea. I think it was actually something of a secret; they didn't seem to want to tell anyone where they had gone."
"Oh...Okay then. Well, thank you anyway."
She smiled gently. "I hope you find him sweetie."
"Thank you, I hope so too..."
Dejected and forlorn, Micah walked away slowly with a lump rising in her throat. She drove for a few minutes before pulling into the driveway of another house; the house of her and Vince's best friend, Josh. She stepped up the path and knocked lightly. She, Josh, and Vince had all grown up together, gone to the same school, worked at the same place, and generally spent as much time as possible together. It was Josh who had convinced Vince to act on his feelings for Micah, and he'd been almost as happy as she was when he'd finally plucked up the courage and asked her. He'd never once worried about becoming a third wheel, or being left out; he knew that Vince and Micah would never let that happen. And sure enough, they hadn't ever left him behind.
...Until Micah and Vince had both left, that is.
When the door opened, Josh was standing before her, and Micah, who was somewhere between being extremely distraught over the thought that something had happened to Vince, and happy to finally see someone she knew after being amongst strangers for so long, threw herself into his arms and cried.
In truth, she had missed Josh almost as much as she'd missed Vince.
"Whoa! Micah? Micah?! Is it really you?!" he asked incredulously.
"Yes, yes! It's really me, I promise!" she said, wiping away her tears and grinning.
He took her by the hand and led her over to the porch swing he'd had for as long as Micah could remember. It's white paint was faded and peeling, all of its bolts were rusted, and it creaked ominously with each motion. However, it was still as sturdy as ever. Micah sank down onto the familiar bench seat with a sigh, happy to find that there were some things that never changed.
Josh sat down next to her, and Micah explained to him what had happened to her and where she had been over the past year as they rocked slowly back and forth. Josh listened intently, grinning like and idiot the entire time. He was as happy to see Micah as she was to see him.
When they had reached a lull in the conversation, Micah finally asked her burning question, one that was threatening to consume her from the inside out.
"Josh...Where is Vince? Please, just tell me that he's okay...the woman at his house said something about a tragedy...tell me that it wasn't him..."
Josh suddenly looked disheartened. "Vince is gone." He said quietly, looking down at his feet. "He's alive, but he's just not here, anymore." He sighed heavily. "The only tragedy that happened was you. Vince, well...We all thought you'd died, Micah. He was glued to his TV for weeks after that accident, searching everywhere for some sign that someone had gotten off that plane, but there was never any word of survivors. So after that, Vince just kind of...gave up. On school, on his friends, on life itself. So his parents moved away, thinking that maybe if they got him away from all of the reminders of you, he'd get better..."
She sank to her knees. "Oh my god, my Vince, my poor Vince...What have I done to you?" she asked softly.
Josh consoled her, and after a few minutes she managed to compose herself once again.
"...Where did he go?"
"I don't know, Micah." He whispered, looking wistfully off into the distance. "He stopped talking to me after you erm, 'died', and then he moved away, and hasn't contacted me since then. Personally, I think he's trying to forget everything that happened, and everyone involved."
She sighed unhappily. "Josh, I'm so sorry. Because of me, you lost your two best friends within the span of a few months."
He hugged her. "Hey, don't worry about it; I'm just glad that you're alive and okay. But what are we going to do now?"
She looked up at him, a determined gleam appearing suddenly in her eyes.
"I'm going to get him back."
After spending a bit more time with Josh catching up, Micah left him, with the promise of returning as soon as she found Vince.
She scoured the country for the next few months, looking up every Ramone family she could find. Although there were quite a few of them, Micah never gave up hoping. She drove her little car faithfully to every single Ramone house she could get to.
Finally, her travels brought her to Flint, Michigan. There were two Ramone families in this small town. The first one turning up nothing, she headed for the second. Since it was a beautiful summer night, she decided to walk to the house rather than drive, since it wasn't far from where she was staying anyway.
The houses on Montague's Way were pitch dark on either side of the street, as far down as could be seen. Their occupants were long since asleep, thus, the only light to be found was under any of the sporadically placed streetlights, which flooded the areas around them with their dim yellow light.
Micah wandered slowly down this quiet suburban street. She stopped under one of the streetlights, and squinted down at the tattered and faded piece of paper clutched in her hand. She could just barely make out the neatly scrawled address upon it. She peered up at the nearest house, and walked on; until finally, sensing that she was close, she looked around intently, and her eyes fell upon the house whose numbers matched those written on the paper clenched in her hand.
The house towered menacingly over the street. It was big, much bigger than any of the other houses on the street, and it gave off a sense that many secrets and many good stories could be concealed within its walls. It was impossible to tell what color the house was in the blackness of the night, which only added to its mystique. Micah approached the house with a sense of curiosity; her longing to get a closer look was greater than her feelings of apprehension.
She walked slowly around the house, taking in every detail she could; the garden hose that was unraveled off to the left, the rosebushes, with their pale pink flowers concealing their thorns lining the front, the lawn gnome peeking out of the rubber boot off to the right side...
She wandered slowly around the house to the back. It was basically the same as the front, but with one drastic difference, a difference which set it apart from the rest of the houses on the street, and perhaps even the rest of the houses in the neighborhood.
The window on the second floor and to the far left was lit up, its occupant wandering around the room restlessly, wishing, hoping, waiting...for her.
Micah knew in her heart that it had to be Vince. After her endless searching, she had finally found him. Her heartbeat racing, she picked up a small handful of pebbles and threw them at the window. However, she didn't realize that the window was open until they went sailing inside.
The silhouette of a young man appeared in the window, and Micah retreated back into the darkness.
"What the hell are you doing?" he called out to the darkness.
"Vince?"
"Yeah, who's out there?"
"Just, come out here, please."
"Who are you? Is that Amy? Look, I told you, its nothing personal, I just don't really want to date anyone right now..."
"No, Vince! I'm not Amy! Please, just come out here."
"Ugh, fine, whatever." He said, sounding slightly exasperated.
He disappeared from the window, and appeared a few minutes later in the backyard.
"Who are you? Come out here."
Micah stepped out of the darkness. The moonlight washed over her, making her appear almost as though she were glowing. She grinned broadly at Vince. He simply stared at her, dumbstruck, for a few minutes.
She wrapped her arms around him tightly around him. "Hey, Vince."
"M-Micah...?"
A solitary tear rolled down her cheek as she squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as she could, breathing him in.
"It's me, Vince."
"But...you...I thought...you died..." His voice was trembling.
"No, I didn't, I survived it...I was in a coma, in a hospital in England, but I survived...I tried to call you, the minute I woke up of course, but you were gone..." She clung more tightly to him. "So I came back, and talked to Josh, and he didn't know where you were. I've been searching for you for months..." She could feel the warm tears falling freely down her face, and realized that she didn't care. All she cared about was that she had her Vince back.
They stood for ages in Vince's yard, holding on to each other as tightly as they could and whispering softly into each other's ears the language of lovers.
"I missed you." He breathed softly to her after a few minutes of comfortable silence.
"I missed you too." She said, smiling through her tears.
"...Hey, Vince?"
"Yeah?"
"Who's Amy?"
He grinned at her. "She is no one, no one at all."
She laughed slightly. "That's what I thought."
He put his arm around her waist, and with a grin, led her inside the house.
After over a year of waiting, they had finally found each other, and they were never to be seperated again.
wrote this for an english class, but i thought you guys might want to see it.
Dear Diary,
I have often wondered what the meaning of this life is. Why am I here? What is my purpose? If I have simply been born to die, what's the point in living at all?
More and more often have I wondered this lately. I question my reasoning constantly.
It has gotten bad enough as of late that sometimes, I lose track of myself, to the point where I will come to and find myself standing in the middle of a room with a gun in my hand. Then, I wonder what stopped me.
I don't know why I even bother anymore.
I am slowly learning to hate this place. My school, my job, my friends, my "family," it's all for nothing. I mean seriously, what's the point?
You spend six hours a day, five days a week, ten months a year for thirteen years in school, and all you get to show for it is a high school diploma. That's about enough to earn you a manager's position at McDonald's. A burger flipper with a title that makes about a dollar fifty an hour more than their inferiors. Whoo.
Then, if you're one of those overachievers who decide to aim high and go to college, you spend a minimum of two years (four on average) and learn a specific trait. The thing is, you pick these majors when you're eighteen or nineteen. Therein lies the problem; who the hell knows at eighteen what they want to do with the rest of their lives? They've barely begun to live. They aren't even old enough to drink yet, and everyone knows that diffiult decisions seem much less complex and are thus much more easily made after a few beers.
But that's just my take on it. Maybe I 'm wrong.
I say they, but in truth, I include myself in this category. I'm a seventeen-year-old guy, and I don't have a clue what I want in life. I admit to it. Why are you asking me all of this? Why must I decide now?
I have often heard my friends and peers talk about "getting out", leaving behind this town, their families, all the people around them. But that was never really my thing. I've never really cared enough to want to leave. No matter where I go, things will always be the same; there will simply be different cold, empty faces to study me, and to criticize my every move. A different house to sleep in every night, and be lonely in, while all the time wishing for a real "home."
However, I can understand the allure a new life would provide. A place where no one knows your name? A fresh start? Hell yes, most would jump at the chance. Not that I blame them; if I thought there was any hope of happiness outside of here I'd probably be all over it too.
Then again, I guess when you think about it, I really haven't got a lot to stay for either.
Once upon a time, I had hopes and dreams. I had it all figured out. I was going to live here, and get a good job, and find a nice house, maybe even settle down, get married, have a family. Then, I woke up.
Now, that dream is gone, along with my will to live here...but hey, no use crying over spilled milk, right?
This place is pretty much a prison. Everywhere you turn, walls to captivate you, and darkness to control you. The sunlight which shines through my window is the only thing that lets me know that I'm still alive. It is the only hope I have.
My "family" isn't actually a family anymore in any sense of the word. I won't beat around the bush with some long, drawn out explaination about how my grandfather grew up on a farm and had to walk fifteen miles to school every day, and try to say that that's why my family is so distant. Actually, I never even knew my grandfather...but I do know that we used to be happy.
After my sister Jamie died, things pretty much just fell apart. My father drags himself home from the bar each night only to "sleep it off". Whenever I do happen to see him, we fight. He actually used to hit me, until I started hitting back. now he just yells. That's about the extent of our interactions. My mother doesn't know how to deal with our broken family anymore, so she gave up on us. Now, she throws herself into her work as a method of escape and doesn't even bother to look up anymore.
Which leaves me.
I like to think I'm a fairly normal person, all things considered. Sometimes, I can be a bit cynical, admittedly. A few people have even gone so far as to tell me that I'm insane.
I'm not insane. What is sanity really, but a state of mind? if you believe you're insane, then you probably are, and if you aren't, then you'll eventually persuade yourself to be. If you think you're sane, you are.
It's that simple, really.
My school is simply a common room of this hellish prison. A place where we all go to escape the confines of our own minds for a few hours. But actually, it isn't an escape at all. It's just a place where every problem we tell ourselves we have is magnified by our peers, and where we can be picked apart until there is nothing left.
My friends aren't actually friends the way you would think of them. For too long have I been brainwashed by the standards of society, to the point where I can't even look at a friend without seeing complete imperfection. I could never be close to them, I'm too focused on their imperfections, as well as my own.
My job is hell. I work at a fast food place, and it is without doubt the worst place I have ever had to be. If this place is a prison, my workplace is a dungeon, solitary confinement without the sanctity of being alone.
But maybe I'm being too harsh. I mean hey, it's a job, and money's money. My managers are usually pretty cool. They were pretty willing to listen and offer help when I told them I was being harassed by my co-workers.
...That is, until they found out what they were harassing me about.
Then, they joined in.
But hey, maybe I'm just overreacting. Everyone's been picked on at some point in their lives. Maybe it's just been my turn for the past...6 months. Maybe soon, they'll move on, and forget about it completely.
Maybe someday, they'll be able to accept me for who I am.
And maybe someday, I'll be crowned King of France. I guess you just never know.
Really though, I don't understand what their problem is. What's the big deal? It's not like we were parading it or anything. It's not like we were sprawled across the front counter making out. I didn't even kiss him. I just told him I loved him. Is that such a crime?
I guess it must be. Ever since it happened, I've been hearing things. People will be whispering mysteriously, but will stop and smile as soon as they notice me. Sometimes, I think I hear my name.
Is it so wrong to be different? I always thought diversity amongst people was a good thing...but if it is, then why and I shunned so for this?
Maybe being different is a bad thing. Maybe there's something wrong with me, like I'm sick or something. Who knows, maybe I really am insane.
I tried to stop them. I told them to stop, I told my "friends" to stop them, I asked my managers to stop them. The attacks have just gotten worse and worse.
Maybe this was meant to happen. Perhaps this is God's way of punishing me. I guess differences are only accepted conditionally.
A stronger person than I would probably know exactly how to handle a situation like mine. They could probably take the abuse, and send it right back to their attackers without even flinching.
However, if I were a stronger person, I probably would have never given into the urge to be different in the first place.
And so, dearest diary, my good friend, I bid you adieu.
Good-bye, cruel world.
...you win.
Chapter 38 -
Four Years Later
I woke up to find my room filled with sunshine. I smiled softly when I saw it. It had been raining for the past three days, it was about time the sun came out.
I got up slowly and walked over to the window. I threw the shades open and looked out to the lake below. It was the very same lake Nathan had brought me to so long ago, the lake that we had loved together.
I turned away from the window and smiled at the picture that was on my nightstand. The picture was of Nathan and me, the very first time we had ever come to the lake, on the fourth of July. It was taken just after Nathan had proposed to me, and we were both grinning broadly and soaking wet, with our arms around each other.
I loved that picture.
I got dressed and walked out of my room and into the living room. I grinned happily at the sight of the boy who was curled up on the couch with Rocky and Orion and watching TV.
He was the only boy I would ever love.
“Good morning, Nathan.â€
He turned slightly and grinned broadly when he saw me.
“Morning, Mommy.â€
I walked over to him and kissed the top of his head. He smiled again, a smile that was so much like his father’s. I smiled sadly as I thought of this.
“Mommy?â€
“Hmm?â€
“How come it always makes you sad when I smile at you?â€
I ruffled his hair. “It doesn’t, I love your smile.â€
“Then how come you always look sad?â€
“Because…you remind me of your daddy sometimes when you smile like that.â€
“Oh…†He said quietly. “You miss daddy still, don’t you?â€
“Yes…Very much so.†I said quietly. “But I have you, and that makes me really happy.†I said, ruffling his hair again.
he hugged me. “I love you, Mommy.â€
“I love you too, Nathan.â€
The doorbell rang a few minutes later.
“I’ll get it!†He yelled. He jumped off the couch and ran over to the door.
“Who is it?†He asked before he opened it, just the way I’d taught him to.
“It’s Auntie Haley.†Haley called from the other side of the door.
Nathan quickly pulled the door open, and Haley came in, holding Benji’s hand. Kaira followed her. Benji wriggled free of Haley, and he and Nathan ran off to play in Nathan’s room.
“You ready Lily?†Haley asked me.
“Yep, lets go.†I turned to Kaira. “Thanks for watching the kids for us Kaira, you’re a life saver.â€
“Again.†She said with a slight smile.
“Yeah…Again.†I said softly, looking regretfully at the scars on my wrists.
She hugged me. “Don’t worry, its no problem, you know I love those kids just as much as you guys do.†She grinned.
I smiled back. “Yeah, I know. We’ll be back at around 2, ok?â€
“Ok, sounds good to me.â€
“Alright, call my cell if you have any problems.â€
“Ben!†Haley called to her son. When he didn’t reply, she called him again.
“Benji!†He still didn’t reply.
“I swear, he’s just like his father sometimes…Benjamin Jacob!†She yelled.
“What?†he called back.
“I’m leaving for a while, be good! Listen to your Aunt Kaira!â€
“Ok mom!â€
I headed for the door, then stopped and turned around. “Nathan!†I called.
“Yeah?†He replied from within his room.
“Come here and say goodbye, I’m leaving.â€
He ran out of his room and over to me. “Where are you going?â€
“Me and your Auntie Haley are going out for a little while, we’ll be back later, ok?â€
“Ok.†He said softly.
I bent down so he could hug me. He wrapped his small arms around my neck. “I love you, Mommy.†He whispered in my ear.
I held him close to me. “I love you too.†I let him go. “Now go have fun with Benji…and listen to your Auntie Kaira, ok?â€
“Ok, bye mommy! Bye Auntie Haley!â€
I opened the door and stepped out into the sunlight that was streaming down. I smiled once again as the light played across my face.
Thank you, Nathan. I love you too.
The End
*********************************************
so, what did you guys think? i know its probably not what you were expecting...but is it okay? and was it easy to understand? i know it got a little confusing in the last couple of chapters.
anyway, my story is copyrighted, so i wouldn't advise trying to steal it... and i have some other stories that im working on, and i might post one of them, so if i do, i'll be sure to post an entry on here and let everyone know where it is, ok?
thanks for all the comments you guys left me, you all rock.
oh, and if you guys are looking for a good story while youre waiting for my next one, go to thebrokenstory (i didn't write it) it's fairly new and it is really good. check it out.
(ok guys, sorry it took so long, but this is probly the longest chapter yet, so...have fun with it.)
Chapter 37 - and that's the only way...
I crawled over to him as quickly as I could.
“Nathan!†I cried, and threw my arms around him. “Why didn’t you answer me?â€
He remained silent.
I pulled back and looked at him perplexedly. It was only then that I noticed the large, bloody spot on his shirt, which was centered right over his heart and covered most of the front of his shirt.
I put my arms around him again and pulled him close to me, so that his chest was against mine, and waited.
After a few minutes, I knew.
I pulled away from him, and with tears streaming down my face, I kissed him goodbye.
“I love you.†I whispered softly, praying that somehow, somewhere, he could hear me. I stood up and turned away from him, and headed deep into the woods.
I walked around in those woods for hours, trying to get my head around it all.
Nathan, my Nathan, was gone.
And he was never coming back.
When I finally allowed myself to believe this, I left the woods. Haley and Nathan were both gone, and the accident site was deserted now, save for the yellow CAUTION tape around the car.
I walked slowly over to my car and climbed in. I wasn’t crying anymore… the pain that I was feeling was beyond tears.
I turned the car on and began slowly driving home.
I flicked on the radio and began flipping through the stations for a good song, trying to avoid the picture of Nathan’s lifeless body that kept flashing up in my mind.
“Baby you’re all that I want,
When you’re lying here in my arms,
I’m finding it hard to believe,
We’re in heaven…â€
I changed the station hurriedly.
“But I'll wait
I could never leave your beautiful eyes
I know you're sorry
I know what you must be going through
And I feel sorry for you
But please don't leave me now...â€
Click! Another new station.
“It’s hard to say that I was wrong
It’s hard to say I miss you,
Since you’ve been gone it’s not the same…â€
Click.
“As the days go by,
I am asking why did you leave,
You left me alone and then
you walked out on me,
Thinking of days,
thinking of ways,
thinking of things,
to you,
that I should say
I wanna be with you
and that's the only way…â€
A single tear rolled slowly down my cheek. I wiped it away furiously and turned off the radio. I drove the rest of the way home in silence.
I pulled into the driveway and walked up onto the steps in front of my house, where I had received so many goodnight kisses from Nathan, and to my front door. I slid the key in and turned it with a shaking hand. I pushed the door open and walked past the mirror I had spent so much time in front of just a few hours earlier. I walked slowly past the living room, where we had watched countless movies together, and past the kitchen, where I could remember laughing with him so many times while we cooked together, or tried to anyway.
I stepped into my bedroom. The same bedroom where we had spent so many nights together, where he had held me and told me just how much he loved me every single night that we had spent in there.
I half expected him to be in there, sitting on the bed, waiting for me. It broke my heart all over again when I saw that he wasn’t.
I sank down onto the bed.
Why aren’t you here, Nathan? You swore to me that you always would be…Where are you now, When I need you most?
“You can’t expect me to stay here without you Nathan… that’s not fair.†I said aloud to the empty room.
There was no response.
“I…I won’t do it.†I said forcefully.
I stood up and calmly walked into my kitchen. I opened the drawer and pulled out a knife… the same knife Nathan had used to peel potatoes a few nights before.
My vision began to blur as I picked it up. Memories of Nathan began running through my head.
Nathan…and his gorgeous smile…Nathan, giving me his sweet puppy-dog look…Nathan, telling me how much he loves me…Nathan, crying…
I brought the knife to my wrist. My wedding ring flashed as I drew the blade across it.
Nathan, dancing and jumping around to his favorite song…Nathan, holding my hand and telling me everything would be ok…Nathan, kissing me… Nathan, holding me as though he’ll never let go…Nathan, he always looked so cute when he was sleeping…
The tears began falling down my face and mixing with the blood that was now pouring from my wrists.
I collapsed onto the floor and began sobbing uncontrollably.
“Why did you leave me Nathan?! WHY?! I loved you…I loved you with everything I had, why the fuck did you have to go?!†I screamed. “How could you do this to me? I hate you!â€
Everything was starting to get hazy, as though I was seeing it all through a fog. I lay down on the floor and waited for it to end, still screaming at Nathan.
“I hate you, I hate you, I swear to god I hate you, how the fuck could you do this to me?â€
Through the haziness, I felt someone grab my hand. They picked me up off the floor and wrapped their arms around me and held me close…just the way Nathan always had.
Nathan.
“GET OFF ME!†I screamed to him. “LET ME GO! I HATE YOU!â€
“Lily, come on, you don’t hate me, I know you don’t.†they said.
“YES I DO! GET THE FUCK OFF ME! GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, YOU NEVER FUCKING LISTENED TO ME! WERE YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION WHEN I TOLD YOU I NEEDED YOU? DID YOU EVEN CARE? DID I MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO YOU?! GOD…I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!â€
“Lily…Please don’t say that…you don’t really hate me, do you?†they asked in a hurt voice.
That was when I broke down.
“No…no, I don’t hate you Nathan…I love you. I love you. I love you with all that I have, all that I am…don’t you understand that? I fucking love you…but you left me…and it’s only fair that you take me with you…because I will never be able to love anyone else, and life without love would be like…well…like life without you.†It was getting harder to speak. “And life without you is not a life at all…so…what’s the point in living anymore…?†I asked, my voice trailing off.
They started saying something to me…but it was too much of an effort to try and listen to them… It was much easier to just rest my head on their shoulder…I was so tired all of a sudden…
I closed my eyes, and let everything fade to black.
********************************************
ok, people, before you start yelling at me and telling me how much you hate the ending and hating me, IT IS NOT OVER. theres still one more chapter, and its gonna wrap everything up and maybe even make things all better again...but i guess we'll just have to wait and see about that one.
Chapter 36 – He's ok, i know he is...he has to be.
I leaned my back against the car and slid down to the ground, sobbing with relief. I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting to see inside the car…but there had been nothing. There was still hope…maybe he’d gotten out…
Maybe he was ok after all…
I sat there for a few minutes until I regained my composure. Then, I got up and looked around, unsure of what to do next. I heard a soft, far-away moan.
“Nathan?â€
I heard the noise again and ran around to the other side of the car. Haley was laying on the grass beside it, crying softly.
“Haley!†I screamed, and ran over to her.
“Lily…†She whispered softly.
I kneeled down next to her. She was very pale, and had a small gash on her left cheek. She was awake though.
“Haley! What happened?â€
“I don’t…I don’t know…the car just…Nathan…Everything started spinning…and now I’m here…†She coughed slightly.
“Haley…Where’s Nathan?â€
She looked up at me nervously. “I don’t know.â€
I bit my lip and tried to figure out what to do next.
“Ok…Umm…Just…Just stay here, ok? Don’t try to move around or anything. I’m gonna go get help.â€
I got up and headed back over to my car. I grabbed my cell phone and called 911, explained where I was, and hung up. I started walking back over to the car and Haley when I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a bright blue flash. I turned towards it and took a closer look at the object; which was about fifty feet from the car, on the edge of the woods. Not believing what I was seeing, I ran over to it and picked it up.
It was Nathan’s favorite jacket; the very same one he had been wearing when he’d left the house earlier. But it was different now… it was shredded and torn, and had large, crimson red patches all over it.
“No…†I whispered. He couldn’t have been wearing it when it had gotten all torn up; he must have taken it off, I thought to myself.
He had to have taken it off.
I held the jacket to my chest and screamed his name. The only reply I got was the rumbling of the cars on the road, and the chirping of birds in the trees nearby.
I ran blindly into the woods, and ran frantically through the trees, screaming for Nathan. Why isn’t he answering me?
“Nathan?! Nathan! This isn’t fucking funny anymore!†I yelled. “Where are you?! You fucking jerk! Answer me!†I started crying once again. “Nathan, why are you doing this? This isn’t cool!†I fell to my knees, sobbing uncontrollably. "Nathan…" I whispered. “Nathan…please answer me…I need you.†I cried softly.
Then, I looked up, and saw through my tears a blurred figure sitting a few feet in front of me. It was leaning up against one of the trees, and had short, dark hair and white sneakers.
Nathan.
Chapter 35 - Wasting Time, Asking Why
I took my time getting ready after Nathan left. It usually took a while for a baby to actually be born, so why would this one be any different?
I took a long shower, got dressed, and took care of Rocky and Orion, since I wasn’t sure when we’d be back to feed them. I grabbed my keys and headed for the door.
On the way out, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the hallway by the front door. I studied my reflection critically for a few minutes, then broke out into a smile.
The person staring back at me was no longer just a person, who I had no feeling for, and who was simple there. That person was me, Lily Rose Blackstone, and I loved her. After years of staring blankly into the mirror, trying to see what others saw, I finally could. Nathan, by loving me for who I was, had finally been able to show me what had been there all along.
I turned away from the mirror, still smiling, and walked outside. The sun was shining brilliantly, and although it was a little cold, it was a beautiful day. A great day for a baby to be born on.
I hopped into the car and backed it out of the driveway. I sang along with the radio as I headed for the hospital.
Close my eyes,
Let the whole thing pass me by,
There is no time to waste
Asking why
Today was promising to be an awesome day.
I turned onto Page Avenue, about a block from the hospital, only to find it completely jammed. I sighed and put a CD in. I should’ve gone the other way. As I neared the end of the line of traffic, I noticed a car off to the far right side of the road, near a cluster of trees. It was wrapped around a telephone pole.
Fucking rubber-neckers, I thought to myself.
Then, I got closer to the car.
Wait…that looks almost like Nathan’s car. But it couldn’t be…Could it? No, of course not, it can’t be his…I don’t think I remember that bumper sticker…and I thought his car was gray, that one’s blue… Is that his license plate number? His is…HRF…umm…Something? I can’t remember!
All these thoughts ran through my head as I slowed down, frantically trying to get a better look at the car.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! “GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY LADY! WHAT, YOU NEVER SEEN A WRECK BEFORE?!â€
I pulled over to the side and flipped the guy off as he sped past me.
I jumped out of my car and walked slowly towards the other car, trying to convince myself with every step that it couldn’t be Nathan’s car; I was being stupid, and that I should just turn around and get back in my car. Nathan was probably already at the hospital with Haley, and if I didn’t get there soon he was going to wonder where I was.
Then I saw the stupid “I break for beavers†bumper sticker on the back of the car. Nathan had made it once on a school field trip in the fifth grade.
My God…It is his car, I realized with a start. With my stomach churning violently, I walked around to the driver’s side of the car...or rather, what was left of the car. I took a deep breath, bent down, and looked through the window into the car.
...It was empty.
ok, heres the deal.
my new computer crashed, which means i lost everything. including my story. i have most of it backd up, but i lost the last few chapters which i wrote but hadnt had a chance to post yet. it sohludnt take me too long to rewrite chapter 35, but... i figured id let you guys know what was going on. thanks for the patience.
-Brandi
(yeah, i know, its short, but im working on it...next chapter soon, ok?)
Chapter 34 – Labor of Love
"I love you Lily."
I smiled. "I love you too Nathan."
"Well...I love you more."
"Well...I don't think so."
"Well...I do."
"Well..." I sat up and kissed him. "You don't."
He grinned at me and lay back down. I settled down next to him, and recalled the events of the past few hours happily. everything that had happened had been so perfect, I wasn't sure wether it had really happened, or if I had been dreaming...
I looked at the ring on my finger, and at Nathan, who was now sleeping, and smiled happily. As amazing as it all was, it seemed to be true.
Nathan and I were going to be together forever...officially. Nothing could ever take him away from me now...
I snuggled in next to him, and fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Put your left arm in...Take your left arm out...You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around... THATS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!
I opened my eyes slowly. What the hell? I wondered.
Put your right arm in...Take your right arm out...You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around... THATS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!
I rolled my eyes, then leaned over and tapped Nathan on the shoulder.
"Nathan, your stupid phone's ringing."
"Huh?"
I hit him harder. "Your phone!"
"Oh...Right." He got up slowly and shuffled over to the dresser which his phone was laying on top of.
"Hello? No, It's Santa Clause... Of course it's me." He said, rolling his eyes. "Who else would it be?"
There was a long pause, and Nathan's face grew serious.
"What? Now?...Ok, I'll be there in just a few minutes."
He flipped the top of his phone shut and turned to me, looking very anxious.
"Haley's in labor."
I smiled. "Really? That's awesome!"
"Yeah..." He looked a bit shaken.
I hugged him. "Nathan, you're going to be a father! You've been waiting for this ever since you found out!"
"Yeah... I-I guess I have." He smiled slightly and hugged me back. "Thanks Lils."
I smiled back at him. "No problem."
"Hey, I have to go get her."
"Hey, you do." I said with a slight laugh.
"So are you gonna meet me there then?"
"Yeah, I'll take my car, I'm not ready and you need to go."
"Ok." He kissed my forehead and turned towards the door. "I'll see you later."
"Wait." I grabbed his arm.
Something wasn't right.
"What?"
I pulled him to me and hugged him tightly. "I love you, Nathan."
He put his hand under my chin and brought my face up until I was looking up at him. Then he kissed me. "I love you too, Lily."
Now everything was right.
I held onto him for a few more minutes, then, I let him go.
He kissed me again and turned towards the door. "I love you, see you when you get there."
"Love you too."
hey guys, sorry its been a while, ive just been really busy lately, and i got a new computer, so im trying to switch everything including my story from the old one to the new one... and im just lazy, lol. but there will be an update soon, ok?
thanks for reading... i wish it could be better.
Chapter 33 - I shoulda known
“HAH!â€
“WHOA! Dude, what the hell?â€
“It’s time to get up.†Haley said as she jumped off me.
“So you had to tackle me to tell me that?†I asked, sitting up and rubbing my shoulder where she’d landed on me.
“No…But it was just so tempting…†She said with a smile.
“You’re nuts, you know that?†I said, smiling back.
“I know… Hey, it’s Valentines Day.â€
“Yeah…â€
“I wonder if Jake will notice.â€
“Maybe…â€
We go to school about an hour later, and I walked to my locker alone for the first time since I had met Nathan. I grabbed my books and headed to History, my first class.
I walked in and saw that to my relief, Nathan was there.
“Nathan!â€
He turned around and looked at me. “What?â€
“Um… Happy Valentines Day.â€
“Yeah…â€
He turned back around.
I sat down with a sigh. Apparently, Nathan was still pissed off at me.
I pulled out a piece of paper and began writing him a note.
Nathan,
listen, im really sorry about the other night…I never meant to hurt you, and im sorry that I did.
I thought for a minute, and then, I took off the bracelet Jesse had given me and laid it down on the paper.
this bracelet was a gift from Jesse. He came to the house on the night of my birthday to give it to me, and I went for a walk in the woods with him.
when he gave it to me, he told me he loved me, and asked me to leave you for him. I told him I couldnt because im in love with you, not him. Which is exactly why im giving the bracelet to you…
Jesse means nothing to me, and neither does his bracelet. Ive been upset over him dying because I loved him as a friend…we were really close for a while. But when it came down to deciding between you and him, he meant nothing to me.
please don’t be mad at me anymore…after all, it is valentines day.
I love you…
-Lily
I folded the paper carefully, making sure the bracelet was inside it. I passed it to Nathan right as the bell rang, so I never saw him open it. But I knew he had as soon as I felt someone come up behind me in the hallway and hug me.
“Nathan…â€
He turned me around and kissed me.
“Does this mean I’m forgiven?â€
He kissed me again. “Of course.â€
“I missed you.â€
“I missed you too. I love you.â€
“I love you too.â€
“Hey…what do you say we get out of here and go somewhere?â€
I looked at him suspiciously. “Like where?â€
He smiled playfully. “Somewhere.â€
“Like…?â€
“I dunno Lily, it’s Valentine’s Day…You figure it out.â€
“Okay, let’s go.â€
We checked out and ran to Nathan’s car, laughing as we went. Nathan drove around for a while, ignoring my questions of “where are we going?â€
Until finally, we got there.
I looked at him and smiled broadly. “I should’ve known.â€
“Of course you should’ve, this is me we’re talking about… So, you ready?â€
“If you are.â€
He kissed me. “I was born ready.â€
“Then let’s go.â€
(sorry it took so long...and sorry it sucks... blame my friend kim, shes the one who made me update ;) but umm... im gonna be on vacation for the nex 2 weeks, so ill update when I come back)
Chapter 32 – My Haven
I drove around aimlessly for a few hours, checking every place that he might have gone to.
He wasn’t at any of them.
I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do to “prove myself†yet, but I had to find Nathan before I could do anything anyway.
I tried calling his cell phone for the 50th time. I guess all the crying and begging his answer machine finally worked, because he answered.
“What, Lily?â€
“Nathan! Where are you?â€
“Why does it matter?â€
“Nathan, please, just tell me where you are! You scared me when you left like that!â€
“Don’t worry, I’m fine… But I think I’m just gonna stay here tonight… So I’ll see you tomorrow in school, ok?â€
“Wait! Where’s ‘here’? Nathan, could you please just come home so we can talk?â€
“Goodnight, Lily.â€
“Nathan! -â€
“If you would like to make a call, please hang up and try your call again.â€
“Damnit!†I said exasperatedly, flipping the phone shut.
Well, at least he’s safe, I thought. But where?
I knew that if Nathan wasn’t gonna be there, there was no way I’d be able to get any sleep if I went home.
So I called the only person I had left that I could still rely on.
Haley answered with a yawn. “Lily?â€
“Hey Haley.â€
“Hey…What’s up?â€
“Umm… Do you think I could stay at your place tonight?â€
“Sure. Why, what’s up?â€
“…I’ll explain when I get there.â€
“Ok. When you coming? I’ll make sure the door’s unlocked.â€
“I should be there in like, 15 minutes, I have to run home and grab some stuff.â€
“K, see you then.â€
I pulled into the drive way a little while later. The motion sensor light in her driveway came on like it always did, blinding me for a few seconds. I climbed out of the car and hurried to the door. It was extremely cold, even for February. I opened the door and walked into the house that I knew almost as well as I knew my own.
“Hey Lucy.†I said to her dog as she came bounding up. I petted her quickly, then headed for Haley’s room.
“Hey Haley.â€
She looked up from her computer. “Hey Lily.â€
“What’s up?â€
“Not much… dude, we sound like we’re talking on the internet.â€
I laughed. “Yeah, kinda.â€
She turned away from the screen. “So…what’s going on?â€
I sank down onto her bed and started talking.
It’s funny how things always seem easier after you talk about them with someone.
“Well Lily, if you love Nathan more then you loved Jesse, then all you gotta do is show him that.â€
“I know…â€
“You do love Nathan more, right?â€
“Of course.â€
“Then show him. Come on, there’s gotta be something you can do to prove that.â€
“Like…?â€
“I dunno…â€
I sighed heavily. “Everyone’s got solutions, but no one ever has answers…†I muttered.
“What?â€
“Nothing…†I stood up. “I’m gonna go to bed, k?â€
“Ok… Night Lily.â€
“Night Hale… And hey, thanks for letting me stay here.â€
“Any time Lily… You know I’m here if you need me.â€
“Yeah, I know.†I turned to go.
“Hey Lily?â€
“Yeah?â€
“How come you called me, and not Kaira? I mean, isn’t she supposed to be like, your best friend or whatever?â€
“Cuz… I dunno. Kaira would rather spend time with the people involved in her little ‘love triangle’ then with me.â€
“Love triangle?â€
“Yeah… Her and two of her friends have some sort of weird love triangle type thing going on. Basically, it’s her and another girl fighting over a guy, but Kaira doesn’t really want the guy, she just doesn’t want her friend to get him. And her friend won’t get him, because he’s all like, ‘in love’ with Kaira.â€
“Well…that’s interesting.â€
“I know, isn’t it?†I asked dryly. “But whatever, if she’d rather spend all her time chasing after a guy she doesn’t want, then I hope she has fun with it.â€
“That must kinda suck.â€
“Eh, not really… I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. We run in completely different circles.â€
“What do you mean?â€
“Well…She hangs out with the weird people, and I hang out with the cool people.†I flashed her a slight smile. “And she couldn’t be nice enough to tolerate my friends, even though I tolerated hers, so…yeah.â€
“You think I’m a cool person? I feel so special!â€
I laughed again. “See you in the morning, Hale.â€
“Night Lil.â€
(sorry for the delay... and sorry its not very good...)
Chapter 31 – Doubted Love
The next four days kind of ran together. Everything was just so routine that there wasn’t really anything that stood out about them.
Except that it hurt.
That night, when Nathan and I were lying in bed, we started talking, the way most people do before they fall asleep. ‘Pillow Talk’ as it’s sometimes referred to as.
I’ve heard that a person is most willing to open up and talk about subjects that they might normally avoid at night, right before they fall asleep. That’s when they are the most honest. And yet, at the same time, it’s when they feel the most vulnerable. I’m not sure whether all that’s true or not, but either way… Nathan and I talk every night.
“I love you, Lily.†He said quietly. He says it to me a lot. I love that about him.
“I love you too, Nathan.â€
“You know, tomorrow’s Monday.â€
I groaned. “Don’t remind me.â€
“Were you planning on going to school?â€
“I don’t know… Maybe…â€
“Lily, you missed last Thursday and Friday.â€
“I know Nathan, I just…†my voice trailed off. I wasn’t really sure how to tell him what I was.
“Lily… Look, I know you and Jesse had a past… and I know you loved him.â€
I looked away.
He turned my head back to him. “But you know… I’m still here.â€
“I know you are.†I muttered.
“Do you?â€
I gave him a slightly puzzled look. “Of course I do.â€
“Then why don’t you act like it? You’re so heartbroken about losing Jesse that you don’t even acknowledge that I’m here. I mean, I understand that you once loved him and that you and he were very close at one point, but come on Lily, the guy was an asshole.â€
“No he wasn’t.â€
“Lily, he gave you a fuckin black eye. That makes him an asshole in my book.â€
“Nathan… can we just not talk about this? You know I love you.â€
“Yeah, I know you do… I just wish you would stop crying over Jesse and let me be here for you. I mean, come on Lily, tomorrow’s Valentines Day, I mean, the holiday fuckin celebrates love, I want you to be with me!â€
“Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day?†I asked, surprised.
“Unless they changed it, yeah. I was hoping you would go somewhere with me, but if you’re just gonna lay around all day crying over Jesse like you have been, then fuck it, I’ll go to school.â€
He climbed out of the bed and walked out of the room angrily.
I lay there for a few more minutes, then got up with a sigh and made my way into the living room. Nathan was sitting in his chair with the TV on, but I could tell he wasn’t really watching it. I turned it off and went over and sat on Nathan’s lap.
“What?†He asked coolly.
I kissed him deeply. “I love you.â€
He pushed me back slightly. “No, uh-uh. Not gonna work this time Lily. I’m sick of you always getting away with everything because you love me, and you expect that to be enough.â€
I looked at him in a puzzled way. “What do you mean?â€
“I mean, every time you do something that hurts me, you just come in and say you love me and expect everything to be ok! And I’ve been letting you get away with that, but not this time.â€
“Nathan…what are you saying?â€
“I’m saying that this time, it’s gonna take more then you just telling me you love me. This time, I want you to prove it.â€
“But…How?â€
“Figure it out.â€
He stood up, nearly dumping me onto the floor.
“I’m going out for a little while.†He said. He walked outside, and I heard him start his car up and drive away. I stood there for a minute, stunned. Then, everything that had happened hit me.
Shit. I have to go after him, I thought. I’d never really seen Nathan like that. Who knew what he’d do…
I changed, grabbed my keys, and followed him.
(ok, things are gonna start moving really fast now, because the storys getting pretty close to the end, so you really have to pay attention. keep an eye on the dates and time thats passing and stuff. and dont worry, its not ending this chapter, or next chapter, or the one after that. dont keep asking me if its over. youll know when its over)
Chapter 30 – Lost To Love
The phone rang a few nights later at around 10 o’clock. February 9th, to be exact.
It was Karen.
“Lily…†She called softly when I answered.
“What?â€
“Jesse…â€
“Jesse?†I asked confused.
“Jesse… He…†she seemed to be incapable of saying more than two words at a time.
“What about him?â€
“He’s… He’s…â€
“He’s what, Karen?†I asked her impatiently. “What happened?†I kept asking over and over.
But somehow, I already knew. I just didn’t want to believe it.
“He's...He’s dead, Lily.â€
I dropped the phone and sank down onto the couch in shock.
“Lily?†I could hear Karen’s voice calling from the phone. I scooped it up and held it back up to my ear.
“…I’m here.â€
We both remained silent for a few minutes.
“What happened to him?â€
“He committed suicide.â€
“How?â€
“He shot himself. They found him a few hours ago.â€
I could feel my eyes begin to burn as tears formed. I tried to hold them back, but it was a futile attempt.
“Lily, are you ok?â€
“I umm… I have to go.†I said hurriedly, my voice cracking.
I slammed the phone down and began sobbing uncontrollably.
My god, it hurt.
A little while later, I heard the front door creak open, and someone walked inside and over to me. I looked up and could faintly see Kaira through my tears.
“Hey…†She said softly. She sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulder.
“I heard about Jesse… Karen called me… And I thought you might need someone here.â€
“I’m fine… Really…†I said thickly, trying and, once again, failing to stop the tears from falling.
“You don’t seem like you’re fine.â€
“Why does it hurt so much Kaira? I don’t love him anymore… I love Nathan. So why does this hurt so fuckin much?†I managed to get out with difficulty.
“Well… Just because you love Nathan doesn’t mean you didn’t love Jesse too. You can’t just stop loving someone Lily; it doesn’t work that way. And Jesse was your first real love… They say you never totally get over them.â€
I buried my face in my hands.
“Hey, come on Lily… Don’t cry… Everything will be ok again soon.â€
“It’s my fault Jesse’s dead.â€
“No it’s not Lily, and don’t even think about blaming yourself for it. It’s his own damn fault he’s dead, he’s the one that pulled the trigger. Not you. And if you want my opinion, I say, good riddance.â€
I glared at her.
“What? It’s no secret that we hated each other.â€
“Doesn’t give you the right to insult his memory.†I sighed. “But it is my fault. I told him I didn’t love him anymore… And I walked away from him… I hurt him Kaira, I hurt him so much that he couldn’t handle it.â€
“No you didn’t. You did the right thing when you walked away from him; he was an asshole! I mean seriously, what kinda person would try to make you choose between him and the guy you truly love? If Jesse had really cared about you, he would have wanted you to be happy, and he wouldn’t have tried to screw things up between you and Nathan.â€
“I know…But still…â€
“No! No buts Lily! If Jesse-â€
brrrrriiiiiiinnnnnnggggggg!!!
The doorbell rang, surprising both of us. No one ever used the doorbell; they always walked right in. Kaira and I stared at each other blankly.
The doorbell rang again.
“Uh… I guess I should get that…†I stood up slowly.
Kaira hopped up and pushed me gently back onto the couch. “Stay here, I’ll get it.â€
She walked over to the door and opened it. A short-ish girl with large-framed glasses and a face like a fish shot into the room, heading right for me. I looked up at the person in slight surprise.
“Mona, what-â€
“How the fuck could you do that to Jesse?â€
“I…What?â€
“You came onto Jesse, and when he turned you down, you blackmailed him to try to get him to dump me!â€
“I…What?!â€
“No wonder he went off and killed himself, you left him no other choice!â€
“Mona, what the fuck are you talking about?!â€
“It’s all right here, in the letter he left me.†She said, pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket and holding it up. “He said that he loved me and didn’t want to leave me, but that you left him no choice. You ruined it for me, it’s all your fault he’s dead!â€
“WHAT?!â€
“Yeah, you heard me! It’s all your fault. You’re lucky I don’t turn you in to the police for murder! But it was Jesse’s last wish that I don’t have anything more to do with you.â€
“Are you fuckin kidding me with this?!†I asked, jumping quickly from surprised to pissed off. “Do you honestly think I would go after Jesse when I have a great guy like Nathan?! I never fuckin wanted Jesse, especially after I found out he was dating you. Do you think I’d ever date a guy who dated someone like you? I don’t want any of your fuckin STDs.â€
“Hey, I don’t-â€
“Fuck you, it’s not my fuckin fault he went and killed himself. If anything, I bet he did it to get away from you. Hell, I would.â€
I stopped yelling. I was shaking and breathing heavily. She looked at me, stunned. Kaira took advantage of the momentary peace and threw in her part. She stepped between us and glared at Mona.
“You need to leave… Lily’s got enough to deal with without you adding all your pathetic bullshit to it.â€
She glared back at Kaira, but didn’t respond. Then, she reached into her pocket and pulled out an envelope.
“He left you one, too.†She said shortly.
She tossed it down onto the coffee table and walked out.
I pounced on the envelope and began ripping it open. Kaira reached over and plucked it gently out of my hand.
“Lily… I don’t think you should read it.â€
“Come on Kaira, give it back to me.â€
“No, seriously Lily, I don’t think you should read it.â€
“Why not?â€
“Because you don’t need his bullshit. If he’ll lie to Mona, what makes you think he wouldn’t lie to you?â€
“…He loved me, Kaira.†I said softly.
“So he said.â€
“He did.†I said firmly. “Now give me my goddamn letter.â€
“I don’t trust it, Lily.â€
“Well, that’s you. I’m the one who it’s addressed to. Now give it to me.â€
She sighed exasperatedly. “You never fuckin listen to me.â€
“Think what you want.â€
She handed me the letter. “Fine, but if you’re gonna purposely set yourself up to get hurt, then I’m not gonna stand by and watch.†She headed for the door. “Call me later if you need me.†She closed it with a snap and was gone.
I opened the letter slowly, carefully. I gently smoothed the wrinkles out of the paper and began reading Jesse’s messy handwriting that I knew so well.
My dearest Lily,
lol, that sounds so nice and proper and… so not me.
So I guess by now, you’ve heard…I’m sorry I left you, and I know you probly think its your fault that im…gone.
but I want you to know that its not. If anything, you were the reason I stuck around for as long as I did.
Its just…
I couldn’t stand to watch you and nathan love each other anymore. I love you more then ive ever loved anyone, ever. And to see you with him, loving him… and knowing you you would never love me that way… I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I don’t blame you. You cant help it if you don’t feel the same way about me. I don’t blame anyone but myself… I am weak and pathetic and stupid. maybe if I wasn’t, Id still be here… but I guess theres not really anything anyone can do now.
I just wanted you to know that it was not your fault.
I love you…I always will.
And hey, ill watch over you, ok?
Lol, that sounds so stalker-ish.
But im gonna go now…
Yours forever and always,
Jesse
I sank down onto the couch when I finished reading it and once again began sobbing uncontrollably.
Finally, I had no more tears left to cry. I got up, went into my room, threw myself on the bed, and eventually fell into an uneasy sleep.
It was the second time I had lost a brother to ‘love’.
Cast Your Vote: Which SitD story is the best?
Chapter 29 – The End Begins
::Tap tap tap::
“Wha…?â€
::Tap tap tap::
“Psst! Lily!â€
“Ugh, what now?†I muttered to myself.
“Lily!†Someone whispered from outside my window.
I carefully untangled myself from Nathan, who was sleeping soundly, and set Orion, who had been sleeping on my stomach, down onto the bed, and walked over to the window. There was someone standing outside it, but it was too dark to see who it was. I opened the window carefully.
“Lily! Finally! I’ve been out here for 20 minutes!â€
“What the hell are you doing here?â€
“I wanna talk to you.â€
“Why?â€
“Are you engaged to him?†Jesse asked bluntly, pointing to Nathan.
I looked at him incredulously. This was what he woke me to talk about?
“Why do you care?â€
“Because if you are, then there’s something you should know first.â€
“Like?â€
“Come out here and I’ll tell you.â€
“Fuck you.â€
“Aww, come on Lily.â€
“Why? So you can get revenge on me for having my boyfriend kick your ass?â€
He sighed exasperatedly. “I don’t care about that anymore. I just wanna talk to you, that’s all, I swear.â€
I sighed heavily. “Fine, I’ll be out in a minute.â€
I stepped away from the window and quietly put some clothes on over my nightclothes. Then, I picked up the phone and quickly dialed it.
“Lily?†a voice asked tiredly.
“Yeah, it’s me. Sorry I woke you up, but can you do me a favor?â€
“Okay…?†Kaira said, sounding slightly confused.
“If I don’t call you back in twenty minutes, I need you to call my house. Don’t stop calling until you get a hold of Nathan.â€
“What? Why? What’s going on?â€
“…Jesse’s here.â€
“What?â€
“He’s here. He says he wants to talk to me.â€
“So you’re going to?â€
“Yeah…â€
“What the hell Lily?â€
“Kaira… I have to go.â€
“Why?â€
“…Because I loved him once, and I need some sort of closure to that.â€
“Lily, you do realize how fuckin stupid you sound right now, right?â€
“Yeah, I know… But I have to go. Will you call Nathan, or not?â€
“Sure, I’ll call him. I’ll call him right now and tell him to get up and save his girlfriend’s ass again, cuz she’s being stupid.â€
“Kaira!†I said, getting slightly annoyed. “Come on.â€
“Fine, if I don’t hear from you in 20 minutes, I’ll call him. But for the record, I think you’re making a big mistake.â€
“Thanks for the support, Kaira.â€
“Hey, it’s 3:30 in the morning, what do you expect?â€
“…I’ll call you in 20 minutes.â€
“You better.â€
I hung up the phone.
I grabbed my watch. It was 3:37a.m. I slipped it on and headed towards the door. I opened it and shivered slightly; it was colder then I had expected it to be. The snow from earlier that day still covered the ground in a thin layer. I stepped off the porch and looked around, but Jesse was no where in sight.
“Jesse?â€
No answer.
“Jesse?â€
Silence.
“Jesse!†I hissed.
Someone grabbed me from behind, and I shrieked loudly.
“Shh…†Jesse said softly. “You’ll wake Nathan up.â€
“You scared the hell out of me.â€
He grinned slightly. “Sorry.â€
He took my hand and led me towards the woods, where there were a bunch of trails to walk on. Jesse and I had walked down those trails many times. We started down one of them in silence. Jesse was still holding onto my hand tightly.
“What are we doing out here Jesse?â€
“I have to give you your birthday present.â€
“But why-â€
“Shh!â€
The trail had brought us out of the woods and into a small clearing. The light of the full moon that was shining brightly overhead illuminated the area. Jesse led me into the center of it, and turned around and held a small black box out to me. Inside it was a tiny gold bracelet with small silver hearts going all the way around it.
He looked at me expectantly.
“Well?â€
“Jesse, it’s beautiful, but what-â€
Before I could finish, he kissed me deeply.
“Don’t say anything yet… Just listen to me.â€
He took a deep breath.
“Lily, I…â€
He paused, and I waited patiently as he searched for the right words. “Lily… I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time.â€
I waited silently.
“And I know you love me too… So why don’t you just stop all this bullshit with that guy Nathan? You and I are meant to be together, and you know it.â€
I didn’t say anything; I merely stared at him.
“And just think, once you get rid of him, we finally can be together! You’ve wanted that since the day you met me, I know you have!â€
“What about Mona?†I asked quietly.
“Screw Mona! I never wanted her! I just... I didn't think i could ever have you...â€
“But Jesse, I-â€
“No, Lily, please… No buts. I love you, I swear I do. I know I’ve been a jackass, but I can change… I will change. I’ll do it for you.â€
“Jesse…†I looked at him sorrowfully.
He sighed. “What?â€
“…If you had told me this a few months ago, you would have made me the happiest person in the world.â€
“But…â€
“But now… Now is too late. I don’t love you anymore. I can’t love you. I’m in love with Nathan.â€
“But… How do you know he’s the one for you? How do you know I’m not the one you’re meant to be with?â€
I shrugged. “I don’t know… I honestly don’t know. All I know is I love Nathan, and he loves me too. That’s the best place to start, right?â€
“But… I love you too!â€
“Yes, but I don’t love you.†The words sounded much harsher then I had meant for them to.
Jesse looked at me coldly. “Well… If that’s how you feel, I don’t suppose there’s any way I can get you to change your mind.â€
He stepped backwards slightly.
I reached out and hugged him.
“I’m sorry, Jesse.â€
He pulled away. “It’s fine… I mean, I guess I deserve that after what I did to you.â€
“Don’t say that Jesse… You’re a good guy, I know you are. You’re just… You’re too late. I’ve moved on.â€
He looked away from me.
“I know. It was stupid of me to even say anything. I’m sorry.â€
I turned his face gently until he was looking into my eyes. “No, it wasn’t, and don’t apologize. You can’t help how you feel anymore then I can.â€
“Lily… Can you please just leave now?â€
I looked deep into his eyes. “Is that really what you want?â€
“Yes… Leave.â€
“Ok then.†I said softly.
I held the bracelet he’d given me out to him.
“No… Keep it. I want you to have it…â€
“Jesse… I can’t…â€
“Take it.†He growled.
“Ok.†I said. I kissed him softly. “Goodbye, Jesse.â€
“Goodbye, Lily.â€
I walked away with tears in my eyes. Turning away from Jesse was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. When I looked back, I saw that Jesse was crying too.
I walked slowly back, with tears streaming down my face and blurring my vision. When I reached the house, I opened the door quietly and stepped inside. After calling Kaira, I walked into my room and lay down quietly next to Nathan.
“Lily?†He called softly to me.
When I didn’t reply, he reached out and touched my face. When he realized that I was crying, he wiped my tears away gently.
“Hey… What is it?â€
I didn’t say anything. I just threw my arms around him and buried my face in his chest. He put his arms around me.
“It’s ok Lily… I’m right here. I promise, I’ll always be right here if you need me.â€
He held me close as I cried myself to sleep.
I was still wearing Jesse’s bracelet.
Chapter 28 – A Happy Ending
“Boris!â€
A short, bald man wearing a black suit came quickly into the room. “Nathan?â€
“Would you please summon my parents, there is someone I would like them to meet.†He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and smiled.
Boris looked at me kindly. “And who is this lovely young lady?â€
Nathan grabbed my hand and pulled me over next to him. “Boris, this is Lily, my fiancé. Lily, this is our butler, Boris.â€
Boris smiled at me. “Nice to meet you.â€
I smiled back. “Likewise.â€
“She’s a pretty one, Nathan.â€
Nathan grinned. “I know.â€
Boris left the room to get Nathan’s parents, leaving us alone in the middle of the huge living room.
“Boris seems nice.â€
“Yeah. He’s been here longer than I have, he practically raised me.â€
“Yeah?â€
“Yeah.†He smiled. “I can remember when I was a kid, whenever I got in trouble, I was never afraid of my parents finding out. I was afraid of him finding out.â€
A few minutes later, a short, blonde woman walked into the room.
“Nathan darling, how are you?†She said, walking up to him and kissing both sides of his face.
“I’m good mom.â€
“And Amy dear, still dying your hair black I see.â€
“Actually… It’s natural.â€
“Oh don’t give me that. You were born a redhead and always will be one.â€
“Uh… Mom? This is Lily... And Amy's a blonde.â€
“Oh really?†She looked at me again, more closely this time. “You know, you look just like my daughter Amy.â€
“No she doesn’t, mom.†Nathan replied, sounding slightly annoyed.
“Well, she does to me. So Lily dear, how are you?â€
“Um… I’m good I suppose.â€
Boris looked into the living room. “Nathan, your father wants me to ask you if this is important.â€
“Boris, he’s meeting my fricken fiancé, of course it’s important!†He said, attempting to stay calm.
At this, Nathan’s mom turned quickly and began staring at me.
“I know, but he refused to leave until I came up and asked you if it was absolutely necessary for him to come.â€
“Yes! It is!â€
“Ok.†Boris said. He disappeared again.
Nathan sat down on the couch with an exasperated sigh and covered his face with his hands. I could tell that things weren’t going the way he had planned. I sat down next to him and put my arm around him. His mom continued to stare at me.
“F-Fiancé?!â€
“Yes mom, Lily and I are getting married.â€
“But… You can’t marry her!â€
Nathan’s head snapped up. “Why not?†he asked dangerously, as though daring her to come up with a reason.
“Well, for one thing, you’re too young.â€
“Today is Lily’s 18th birthday.â€
“So? That doesn’t make you old enough.â€
“I turned 18 in December mom!â€
“What? No you didn’t.â€
“Yes I did mom! December 24th!â€
She gave Nathan a puzzled look. “I thought that was Amy’s birthday.â€
“No…â€
“Really? Well that explains why she sent back the present then…â€
“So why can’t I marry Lily?â€
“She looks just like Amy!â€
“No, she fuckin doesn’t! And even if she did, it wouldn’t matter!â€
“Fine, have people think you married your sister!â€
“I don’t care what people think… That’s you, remember?â€
“You barely know the girl Nathan!â€
“Mom, I met her last May! I’ve been living with her since fuckin August!â€
“What? No you haven’t.â€
“Yes, I have!â€
“How could you do something like moving out without me noticing?â€
“Well maybe if you actually paid attention, maybe you would’ve noticed!â€
“What’s with all the yelling?â€
a tall man with salt-and-pepper hair and gray eyes walked into the room, followed by Boris.
“Dad, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.†He pulled me off the couch and led me over to the man. “This is Lily… My fiancé.†He shot his mother a very nasty look.
“Hello.†He said quickly to me. “Nathan, you brought me out here just to meet some girl? You know I have work to do son.â€
“Dad, she’s my fiancé. That means we’re engaged, which means we’re getting married.â€
He looked at Nathan blankly. “What’s your point?â€
Another servant came in, carrying a small dish of food. He walked over to Nathan’s father and held it out. “Your lunch, sir.â€
“Take it into the study, I’ll be there in a minute.â€
The servant turned to leave.
“Wait a minute.†Nathan’s father said. He looked closely at the tray of food. “Is this chicken or beef?â€
“It’s chicken of the sea, sir.â€
“So it’s beef then?â€
Nathan’s mom interrupted. “Roland, your son wants to marry her. Now.â€
“What? Preposterous. They’re too young.â€
“That’s what I said.â€
“You know what?!†Nathan said loudly. They stopped talking and looked at him. “This was a mistake. I should’ve never brought Lily here, especially on her birthday. I’m sorry if I gave either of you the impression that you have a say in this, because you don’t.†He walked over next to me and wrapped his arm tightly around my shoulders. “I’m marrying Lily, because I love her and she loves me. Neither of you have a say in the matter, so you might as well accept it and move on, because that’s is the way it’s going to go.†He took his arm off my shoulder and grabbed my hand. “Let’s go.â€
We headed for the door, leaving his parents standing in a stunned silence. As we reached a door, Rocky ran up and began whining frantically.
Nathan gave me a pleading look. “Lily, can we please bring him with us? He’s no trouble, I promise.â€
I smiled. “Of course.â€
“Boris, I’m taking Rocky.†Nathan said to the butler.
“About time. He’s been whining non-stop since you left. But hang on a second.â€
He disappeared and returned with Rocky’s bed. “He’ll want this.â€
“Thanks Boris.â€
“You’re welcome Nathan, and good luck.†He turned to me. “Nice meeting you Lily.â€
I smiled at him. “You too, Boris.â€
We walked out to the car, Rocky following us. He jumped into the backseat eagerly, and we climbed into the front.
“Sorry about that…†Nathan said, sounding slightly ashamed.
I kissed him lightly. “It’s ok. Thanks for sticking up for me.â€
He smiled. "Why wouldn't I? I love you... I'll never be able to love them."
I kissed him again. "Parents suck, don't they?"
He smiled. "Yeah."
He backed the car out of the driveway, and we headed for the lake, which turned out to be, if possible, even more beautiful when blanketed with snow.
(no, the story is NOT over yet)
(dont worry, the next few will be alot longer and less boring...we just gotta get there first.)
Chapter 27 – Nathan's Place
After driving for about 20 minutes, Nathan turned the car into the driveway his house.
“Come on, let’s get this over with.â€
I followed him nervously up the front steps. I had been to his house before, but I had never really paid much attention to it. His parents had also never been there when he’d brought me over. He pushed open the door and held it open for me. I stepped into the entryway, which was decorated beautifully. The walls were adorned with pictures by famous artists, the floor was marble, and walkways of red velvet branched off from the entryway into other rooms. A crystal chandelier hung from the high ceiling and gave the room a very warm glow.
Nathan led the way through the living room, which was decorated similarly to the entrance hall, and filled with state-of-the-art electronics and expensive furniture. We stopped at the foot of a wide, sweeping staircase.
“What? No elevator?†I teased.
“Yeah…It’s over there.†He said, pointing to a pair of golden doors.
Once we reached the top of the stairs, Nathan turned to left, walked down a short hallway, and opened a pair of beautiful French doors to reveal his room.
His room was much more normal than the rest of the house. The walls were covered with posters of all of Nathan’s favorite bands, the bed was unmade, and there were clothes strewn all over the room. However, it was also filled with expensive furniture and hi-tech electronics. I sat down on the bed with a sigh.
“Much better.†I said with a slight smile.
“Huh?â€
“Nothing… I just don’t feel right out there. It’s too… neat.â€
He grinned. “The maids all hate me cuz I wont let them come in here and clean.â€
“I wouldn’t either… There’s nothing wrong with it.â€
“I know, but apparently, it tells people that they aren’t doing their job or…I dunno, something like that.†He began shuffling through the drawers.
The door was nudged open, and a small, furry brown head popped into the room. It gave a small whine when it saw Nathan and ran over to him.
“Rocky! Hey! I missed you!â€
Nathan sat down and wrapped his arms around his dog, while Rocky licked his face excitedly. I smiled at the sight of them.
“Rocky! Go see Lily!†He said, pointing towards me.
Rocky bounded over and jumped up onto the bed next to me. I laughed and petted him lightly.
Nathan threw his clothes into a bag and stood up. “Ready?â€
“I guess so.â€
He smiled. “Don’t worry, they’ll love you. Either that, or they’ll think you’re my sister.â€
“Amy? But I look nothing like her.â€
“To them you will.â€
“What do you mean?â€
“Lily, I’ll be surprised if they’ve even noticed that I moved out.â€
“How could they no notice?â€
“Easily… They’re never around.â€
I looked at Nathan sympathetically. “That must’ve kinda sucked when you were younger.â€
“Not really, I had Amy. Besides, I’d rather not see my parents then have them always be around and be assholes.†He returned my look of sympathy.
“Yeah, that’s true…†I answered softly.
He put his arm around me. “Let’s go.â€
Nathan led the way back down the hallway and the wide, sweeping stairs into the living room.
(hey guys, sorry this has been going so slow lately, but im trying to wrap things up a little in the story... itll pick up again soon. and the next update wont take as long as this one did either.)
Chapter 26 – Vagueness
January passed by in a flash, and before I knew it, it was my birthday.
My 18th birthday.
I woke up suddenly that morning and opened my eyes. The room was filled with the sunlight that was filtering through the curtains, and it was so warm and comfortable lying there that I couldn’t convince myself to move.
Nathan opened the door after a little while and smiled when he saw that I was awake. He walked in, and I moved over so that he could lay dawn next to me. I wrapped my arms around him, and he kissed me.
“Happy birthday.†He said softly.
I kissed him. “Aww, you remembered.â€
“Of course I did… How could I forget?â€
I smiled at him. “What time is it?â€
“About 10.â€
“Shouldn’t you be at school?â€
“Nope. They cancelled it.â€
“Really? Why?â€
He got up, took my hand, and led me over to the window. He opened the curtains to reveal a perfect world of white.
“It…It’s snowing?â€
“Amazingly enough…Yeah.â€
“But… It doesn’t snow here.â€
“Apparently, it does today.â€
“But… It hasn’t snowed here in like, 15 years.â€
“Well… Maybe someone up there wanted to make sure that your birthday was special.†He said with a soft smile.
I turned away from the window and hugged him. As I did, his jacket gave a high-pitched cry. I pulled back and gave him a strange look.
“Uh, Nathan… your jacket’s crying.â€
He smiled. “That would be your birthday present.â€
He led me back over to the bed, and we sat down on it. He reached into his jacket, carefully pulled out the gift, and put it down gently between us. It was a tiny kitten, no bigger then my fist. It looked up at me with bright blue eyes, and its fur was as white as the freshly fallen snow outside. I looked at it wonderingly.
“I…I’ve never had a cat before…Damien was allergic to them, and my mother hates them…â€
“Do you like him?â€
I carefully leaned over the kitten and kissed Nathan. “I love him.†I looked down at him again. “He’s so tiny!â€
Nathan picked him up and held him out to me. “Here, hold him.â€
“But…But he’s so small… What if I hurt him?â€
Nathan laughed. “He won’t break, I promise.â€
I took the kitten gingerly and held him close to my heart. After a minute, he started to make a low, rumbling noise.
“Whoa, what’s that, what’s he doing?â€
“He’s purring Lily, it means he’s happy.†He answered with a slight laugh.
“Y-You sure? I’m not hurting him?â€
Nathan smiled again. “No, you’re not hurting him… Jeez, I hope you’re not this nervous with the kids.â€
I looked up at him with wide eyes. “Kids?â€
“Well…Yeah. Don’t you wanna have kids someday?â€
“I-I guess I never really thought about it. I mean, you already have one on the way, so he’s probably gonna keep you pretty busy…â€
“Not too busy for you and any kids we may have though.†He said with a smile.
“Well, I don’t want any for a while, but eventually, sure, I’d love to have a whole bunch of kids… As long as I can have them with you.â€
He laughed. “Deal. But are you sure it’s the kids you want, and not just the process you go through to get them?â€
“Nathan!†I said with a laugh. “Not in front of the little one!â€
He leaned over and covered the kitten’s tiny ears with his hand. “Better?â€
I rolled my eyes at him and smiled.
“So what’s his name?â€
“Orion.†I answered instantly.
“Orion, huh?†He scratched the tiny kitten’s chin. “Good name.â€
“Yeah, I’ve always liked it. When I was little, I always wanted a cat, but I couldn’t have one, so I had an imaginary one instead. His name was Orion, too.â€
Nathan laughed.
“So…What do you wanna do today?â€
“Hmm… I don’t know. We could go to the lake…â€
“Lily, its February, remember? The water would be freezing!â€
I smiled. “So? It would be even more beautiful then usual with the snow.â€
“Ok… But no swimming this time.â€
“Ok…†I agreed reluctantly.
“We need to stop at my house first though.â€
I gave him a puzzled look. “Why?â€
“I have some things I need to pick up… Clothes and stuff…And I want you to meet my parents.â€
“So soon?†I asked sarcastically.
“Look… I’m just gonna warn you now, they’re not totally… ‘there’.â€
“Ok…?†I asked, even more confused.
“Just…You’ll see.â€
“Way to be vague, Nathan.†I said with a smile.
He grinned. “I know.â€
Chapter 25 - …Maybe…
At first, I thought the noise I was hearing was my head pounding. You'd think I would've learned my lesson about drinking at the bar that night. Then it came again.
Someone was knocking on the door.
"Hang on, I'm coming." I said groggily.
I got up, threw on some clothes, and went to the back door, carefully avoiding all of the people that were passed out on the floor. Apparently, the big Christmas party that Nathan and I had thrown had been a success. Personally, I didn't remember very much of it. The knocking persisted.
I opened the door.
Karen was standing on my front porch. She was crying, and looked like she had been for a while. We were silent for a few minutes.
"What are you doing here?" I asked cooly.
"P-Please Lily, I really need someone to t-talk to right, and I don't have anywhere else I c-can go. Please." She said through her tears.
I sighed. "Alright."
I had known Karen for a while, and I had never seen her cry, so I had a feeling that this was something pretty big.
I stepped out onto the porch and pulled the door shut behind me. I led Karen over to a chair and sat down across from her.
"So…What's up?"
"I-I'm sorry Lily, I know you hate me and you probably don't want me here, but I didn't have anyone else to turn to…"
I sighed again. "I don't hate you Karen, I just… Why'd you do it?"
"I dunno Lily… I guess Jesse's just one of those people that everyone's drawn to, and I fell for him, just like you did."
"Yeah, But why'd you go for him? You must've known that you couldn't hide it forever, and that I would find out."
Yeah, I knew… I just didn't care."
"That's great Karen, thanks."
"No, I mean… All I could think about Jesse, and how much he mattered to me, and how much I needed him, and how… How much I loved him." Tears began falling down her face once more, but she wiped them away and continued. "I didn't care about anything, I mean, I've lost all my friends, my grades have been falling, my parents kicked me out…And Jesse doesn't even give a fuck. His solution was to go find another girl to mess around with."
"Shit…" I said quietly.
"Yeah, and you'll never guess who the other girl is." She said bitterly.
"Who?"
"Mona."
"Mona… Wait, the ugly bitch that I used to be friends with?"
"Yep. Her and Jesse have been together for about two months… Of course, he never told me that. I found out last night when I walked in on them."
"Ouch. I'm really sorry Karen."
"It's ok… After what I did to you, I deserved it. Besides, he's an asshole."
But I could see how hurt she really was by it all. I decided that I'd better change the subject.
"So…If your parents kicked you out, then where are you staying?"
She laughed slightly. "With Craig, if you can believe that."
"Craig? The obsessive nerd?"
"Shut up! He's really nice. And, he has his own place."
"Well… He is better then Jesse, I'll give you that much."
"Yeah, he is."
It was silent for a little while as we watched the sun slowly rising.
"Lily… I'm really sorry. I know seeing me with Jesse must've hurt you."
I hugged her. "It's ok, Karen. It all worked out in the end."
"So…You and that Nathan guy, huh?"
"Oh yeah." I said with a smile.
"Well… I'm glad you found him, he seems like a great guy."
"He is, I love him."
"That's great Lil, I'm really happy for you. So I'm guessing you guys…?"
I smiled mysteriously. "Maybe."
"Lily!"
We laughed.
"I missed ya, Kare."
"I missed you too, Lil. Merry Christmas."
I smiled. "You mean, Merry-the-day-after-Christmas."
She laughed. "That too."