I cant find the source of all this misery. I should be happy, and usually I am. I have Johnathen and a promise that we'll make it. But he still has to count my pills and throw away razor blades; he has to hold me tight when I cry and scream cuss words for inane reasons so I don't hurt someone.or myself. I dream of murders and of rape. He keeps me grounded when I feel like fainting and the way he says I love you makes me smile even when I don't want to. I do everything he asks of me, I'm his completely. Anyone that tries to break us apart is getting a tire iron to the face. Probably from either one of us. Whoever gets there first. We argue a lot. He's an asshole sometimes. A jelous, controlling asshole, but I do what he tells me. I don't talk to this guy or those fuckin' niggers, I don't wear that shirt or those bracelettes, pull my shirt down, can't be around a group of people, you're not smoking anymore, hanging out with her anymore. quit dancing like a damned nigger, my girlfriend listens to nigger music,! Oh well. Why am I bitter about everything in my life? I can't help I'm sick. I need some kind of attention...I can't stand being touched except by Johnathen...I feel like shit even when I'm happy.. Destroy destroy destroy QUOTE OF THE WEEK: fuck your mother fuck your mother fuck your mother fuck your mother fuck your mother fuck your mother fuck your father. Oops THAT WAS MY TERRETS KICKING IN. -buddy.