I Will Not Reap Destruction

by masochistxmind
Listening to: We Came As Romans
Feeling: distant

I sort of hate the fact I get so worked up about something, let everything out, and then feel horrible about it later. I don't know why. I can't take back what I said. And everyone's telling me to let this go. I'm trying. I'm getting there. I'll probably end up apologizing later. Just so I'm not hated. I don't know. I don't like how this is going. I wish I could fix everything. And go back 3 months. No, how about a year?

I've changed.

I'm a hypocrite. And I hate it. I absolutely hate that I am something I despise. I know I have changed. I'm only hurting myself now. Everything I'm doing now is going to hurt me in the future. I know it. But I'm just doing it. I'm letting anything and everything happen. Because I just don't care anymore. That's a lie. I do care. But it's about everything else other than myself. So let's put it this way. I don't care what I do to myself. But I care about what I do to others. Does that make sense? I hope so.

Take me away. Please. To Neverland. Just so I can be away from all this bullshit.

Read 1 comments
I know how you feel when you say your hate yourself and everything is going wrong. I've felt that before, and you know what I think? I think guys do that to us. Not intentionally, of course, but I think when we like someone so much and then everything goes wrong, we think it's our fault. And then we get mad and say things we don't mean...and hate ourselves. I've learned that it's not our fault, and that that's just how things are.

When something bad happens with a guy, yes, I feel bad about it for some time, but then I realize that there are many more things to live for, and I know it's hard for you to see that now, but you are such a great person and have so much going for you...don't let some guy take you down to where he's gone.

Stay strong, Mahii.
I love you!