yeah i think the music is started to piss me off now. i love that song but hearing it a million times over is not good. well ive had a shitty weekend like usual. wellowing in my own stupid thoughts and self pity its weird cos these meds seem to be makin me feel a hell of a lot worse. im so paraniod at the moment its so pathetic. i wont go out unless its dark cos i think that people are are all pointing and lookin and im having mild panic attack like things. i just feel so alone at the moment and i hate it so much. i was actually wishing that i was back living with me parents again. even though i dont get along with em at all and we fight more than anything, its almost nice to be around. and to be honest id rather be having a screaming match with someone than being on my own all the time. and my old friends. even though most of em are well i'll not go into that, i do miss them all and the laughs we used to have and all the stupid stuff we used to get up to. the few mates i have here are great but have got too many of the own problems or arent aware of what goin on. it really wasnt what i thought it would be comin to uni. i think ive made one of the biggest mistakes in my life and now i seem to be paying for it i used to work in a nursery after leaving school and my bosses always said that if nursing didnt work out theyd take me back and train me to be a nursery nurse. that offer is still open to me i found out when i foned em. if it wasnt for the fact that id signed a contract for a new house i think id be tempted to leave here and go back. people have always said to me that im a very strong person who gets and knows what i wants, and cope with any shit thats thrown to me, and in the past theres been quite a lot. yeah well look at me now cant cope with anything and when its gets the slighest bit hard to me i hack my body up. all i want is to be me again