++Transmitting++ I had this big ass entry but it fucking logged me off and I lost it all. Basically Tricia ran away becasue of her grades adn she felt that her parents would be let down. So she went out without a trace and got some drugs and drank a bit. In fact she didn't do all that much just took a really strong drug(herione[spelling?]) and drank some beers which was that bad for Tricia standards. Besides her being in the hospital I have my mom worried and my dad worried about me. My dad calls me up and asks me if that what I want for a life(really aggresive cause thats how he is and I know he only does it casue he cares deep inside). He was referring to me in a hospital missing work and school(if it was in did during a class). You know I would say no thats not what I want. But then in his mind that would be leaving Tricia. Fuck no! I love her way too much to leave her. You know she wanted to be off meds so bad that she lied and it effected her in a negitive way. You know life is way not fair. This kid believe it or not is bright but you know is it her fault her mom left her, is it her fault that her whole family is fucked up? I can't live a worry free life. That's what fucked my childhood up. There is a difference from having a childhood and being shielded your whole fucking life. I never really had friends and I never knew how to have outside friendship relations. It took me til I was in highschool to go out on my own without my mother. I can't be mad at my parents. They just want me to be happy. But what makes one "happy" or be "happy". I have been programmed that its a good education and makes lots of money. But thats not what makes me happy. What makes me happy is Tricia in good care(on a date or wahtever), gaming, and the internet. Thats all. Not so much right? Now I realize that college is still a great option. But you know joining the army is just as good as a option. More work but may still get me what I want. I want to get into thje comptuer field because I liek that stuff and it will give me the average confrontable wage that will get me my average house and average car. Then I spend the rest on games, and goign to see art, and buy stupid lil funny things for Tricia. You know its just my nature to be caring. I am the protecter. Thats why Cancer fits me. I look at all my little ones and there growing and I hope the best for them. You know there going to be at an age for sex and I am not prepared for that. Victor is like right there and I am like happy but worried. I don't know I guess thats my rant for now ++End of Transmission++