This diary is discontinued until further notice. As far as you and I are concerned, this will be my last entry in this diary. I appreciate all (if any) comments or constructive criticism given to me throughout the time I have kept this. But I am off to another place, 0ne unkn0wn to everyone. So that I may be able to write without any caution to discrepancy. Thank you for reading. Good-bye.

She looks in the mirror. But the person who looks back is not her. This was not a mirror. This was a window. She didn't like who she was looking at. Spending days, into weeks, into months, even into years, selling herself to such extravagant proportions. Two more steps and she will not stand for it. She looks at this distorted reflection. She can see the pain behind those black-rimmed glasses; the tears welling up in those intense brown eyes. All this time spent on a relationship she thought would work but it kept backfiring. Everytime like a slap to the face. Everyday, the continuous abuse and she takes it. The motive? In the name of love. This love drives her to the extreme that she's willing to take all this torment. Concerns arise. Not from her, but from others. Everyone cares, but not enough to speak up. Not even her. Consequences are carried. She is still stuck in this time. This is her depression. The window is open and will remain open. Her reflection: "Put on a smile girl, get out there and show them how it's done."

She sits. Another day, another night, another few hours wasted in front of the computer screen. She constantly looks over her left shoulder to her parents' room to gaze upon her father's activity hoping he doesn't scold her for being on the computer too late. What she does on the computer won't benefit her in any way, but yet, she trails onward, with her clicking...scrolling...typing. Her head is filled with the beautiful melodies of a local band that has broken up long before her discovery of them. She feels melancholy as she comtemplates upon the fact that she never saw them perform live. A new comment on her profile. Click...scroll...type. Another few minutes spent, for what? She has nothing better to do. She realizes that she could spend these little minutes the following day catching up on precious sleep but she's much too stubborn to leave the computer. She gets it from her father -- the stubborn-ness. He never liked being proved wrong, as does she. She looks over her shoulder again. Dark folds of skin illuminated by the dim light coming from the room tells her that her father is lying down watching the television. She continues...clicking...scrolling...typing. A familiar song plays. She checks the title, but finds out that it's a different title that what she primarily knows the track as. She doesn't acknowledge it too much. And continues with her minimal mindless computized conquest. And for a second, she just stops. No clicking...scrolling...typing. Silence....sacred silence. She thinks. Looks over her left shoulder. Glances over the right. Then stares directly at the ceiling. She smiles and closes her eyes. Directly after, she shuts down the computer. She gets up, and walks to her room for her long-awaited sleep. She gets in bed, pulls up the covers and shuts off the light. And once again, she finds herself staring at the ceiling. She smiles and closes her eyes as she thinks one last time. Life is beautiful...

Dunno what to do again. It's been a long time. But for a short summary, no matter what I choose, I always end up confused and lost. Nothing can satisfy anyone right now. It's obvious that I'm only TRUELY happy at church. I love it there. Daisy wants me to go be a Young Apostle with her and Jackie. It sounds like so much fun. I'm getting a summer job this summer to raise money for it. I need about 300 dollars for the thing. I think I can do it if I work hard enough. If I don't make enough, I'm sure my parents could help out a bit. This summer will rock. I just hope it doesn't ruin my friendship. That's what I'm afraid of. Should I just let go? I don't want to. It'd hurt me. But then again, so do my decisions...

Dude...I'm feeling that depressed feeling again. It's not right. I thought I was all done with this depression mode. This is so 8th grade, but it keeps coming back. I feel like doing stuff again, but I can't, it won't feel the same anymore...I'm so confused. From the attitude coming from my parents, I get the feeling that I embarass them or they're ashamed of me. I don't think I make them happy enough, and if I do, it's for not that long. I mean, I'm not talking like this because of recent events, but I've had this theory for a long time already. I've asked my mom many times if I embarass them or something, and she never answered me. I know how she thinks, she wants a daughter that's girly, gets good grades, listens to them, treats her siblings nicely, all that jazz. I'm sad to say that I'm not that girl, and I don't really want to try to be that girl. I stay up at night and cry so hard because I know I don't satisfy my parents most of time because of my stupid screw-ups. I screw up so much, I get bad grades, I talk back, I lie, what's my problem?! They don't need to punish me, I punish myself...that was basically the entire point of the cutting, although it was a release, it was also punishment. I'm still paying the price from that with these scars. But, oh, how good it felt when it happened... I have many regrets. I haven't learned my lesson. Bad things happen to me and I brush them off and try again. Sure, I stop the really naughty things, but I don't let go of it. When I am truely guilty of something, I go to confession and confess, but I still live with the guilt, I never let go. That's my problem. There are times when I just feel like killing myself because I don't deserve to live, I don't deserve to be in God's presence, I'm not worthy of any blessing He bestows upon me. But no, I won't do it, God has been too good to me for me to end it like that... The thought of cutting has been popping in my head more than anything else lately. I am being tempted and I don't like it. I don't want to break. I don't want to give in. I think back to when I used to do it, it was the best feeling I felt then. I have experienced better feelings but unfortunately, those feelings don't come around as often (or as easy) as cutting does. I have no other place to hide. I can't hide them anymore...sure, I always my jacket but I don't want to live with scars anymore. The ones on my biceps are enough. I can't wear a sleeveless shirt or dress without feeling comfortable because I am always reminded of my past when I see my arms. I have to hide the depression. I can't worry anyone anymore...those days are over. I can take care of everything myself, I only hope God can help me. St. Jude, pray for me. .:EDIT:. Too much homework. Well, not really, I've been through worse. Finals are coming up, I better do good on my english final or else it's curtains for me. Due to recent events I'm grounded from the phone for a week. Not as bad as I expected, but I am concerned for Chloe, I'm afraid that she'll do something stupid. I have come to realize that I don't think Chris is real...or alive if he was real. No big, it's alright, Chloe's been through a lot. But yeah...

I just don't know what to say anymore. It's just incredible how much something could take shape in the matter of just a few days. He's back...I CANNOT believe it but he's back. He has come back for her, and for her only. No I'm not upset, but there's something that just gets me that I can't stop thinking about those 2. I mean like, it's not jealousy, that is for sure...or is it? OMG, what's wrong with me??? I can't be jealous. Why would I be jealous of what they have? I mean like, I don't want to be in a relationship where all that happens that I would spend the night with a dude that I "love" and we talk, "play" around and then eventually end up having sex everytime he's sneaks through my window at night. No, that is most definately not what I want. So it's not jealousy. Maybe that's what's getting to me. I mean, the matter that they're having sex. They're too young. They have no idea what they're doing. No, it's not "making love", to them it's something childish that they do for the pleasure and they call it "funking" instead. What the hell...? If they call it a name like that, then that pretty much proves my point of them being too young. They ARE NOT supposed to be doing that! Do they not understand that?!? I don't know about him, I have spoken to him for the first time last and he said absolutely nothing...literally. I mean, I don't know if he has a religion or anything. But as for her, she's Christian, and we have some talks about how her religion and mine and we compare and contrast. But look at her, she's sinning...the fact that they're having sex is a mortal sin and she doesn't realize that even if I keep telling her. I fear for her. She wants me to come over to meet the guy. I actually wouldn't mind that so I could know what kind of guy he is and so I could at least know that he could take care of her in any other way other than just sexually. But then again, there's the fact that he won't talk to me because apparently he's too shy. Hah, great, another one like her. Haha, I am not shunning upon it, just frowning upon it. I wish they were both a bit more open. It would actually help me a lot. Distance and the attitude towards her from my parents are a problem. No car, no support to get there. These are one of the times when I feel stupid for not taking driver's ed in freshman year...I coulda been driving by now. I'm suffering too much from such a silly thing. But then again, premarital sex, espescially if it's dealing with kids under 18, is NOT silly. This could be an excellent G.A.G topic. But G.A.G is in the works of establishment right now. I don't know when exactly it would be up and running. But if and when it does, I certainly hope we could talk about this or something. I need to really really pray hard about this. I mean, gosh, I never knew how bad sex like this could get but I mean, this is just rediculous. Sometimes I just can't bare to talk to her. Because then I get reminded of them two doing things they shouldn't be doing and I can't do or say anything about it, what would it do? Nothing. Maybe I need to just give it time. It's only been about 3 or 4 days. Maybe they will "cool off" in a month or so. If not, then this is just crazy. There will be some major strains in our friendship. And I don't want that to occur. Well, I had hoped that this would at least relieve me or something as a drainer...just goes to show you that cutting has it's pro's and con's but let's not go there again. But yeah, I still am thinking too much. Much too much thoughts going through my mind. I need a really big distraction. Maybe that's why I haven't been talking to her as much as before, 1: because she's too "busy" and 2: because I'm trying to look for something to distract myself with so that I don't talk to her so much. Not that I don't want to but yeah... Excuse me if you're sensitive about topics that include premarital sex but it IS an issue going on in today's youth and it is a problem. Major prayer time coming up soon.... .:EDIT:. Today was so busy. Practice, then Ariel's house so that my parents could pick me up, then home for 10 minutes before going to church, then the store and chores and back home. Is there such thing as dying from over-stress/work? I try to eat something but whenever I do, it tastes nasty and it sorta makes me sick to my stomach. I haven't eaten today.

I hate SitDiary. Xanga is so much better. If you don't have a xanga, I highly recommend you getting one. Because xanga doesn't SIGN OUT ON YOUR WHEN YOU MAKE YOUR LONG ENTRIES!!! I wrote basically an encyclopedia of my life. Yes, I went into detail and it puts you through the ups and downs (mostly downs) of my life. It was pretty good and a nice drainer for me. And as I put save, it signed me out... So yeah. In conclusion, life was good until sitdiary and I'm gone. .:EDIT:. I've said it before and I'll say it again, friends could be on hard mode. It could be intimidating but I chose to take the challenge. I'm not giving up on it.

Just so you people know, this is a letter to my friend in spanish if you didn't get the subject. Before I start, I just would like to say that I have bad Spanish grammar and I'm only writing this in spanish because I think it'll be more expressive than in english. And if you do not understand it, I'm terribly sorry. It's just another one of those perks for being bi-lingual. Queria amiga. Yo no se que puedo hacer para cambiarte. Alomejor no te puedo cambiar. Y algunas veces yo creo que eso es algo bueno. Porque tu eres mi amiga por como tu eres y que hagas. Si algunas cosas son muy malos pero alomejor no sabes que que estas haciendo es algo malo. Te amo como una hermana pero me sustas mucho algunas veces. Te quiero decirte todo esto por el telephono o cuando te veo pero tengo miedo que vas a hacer algo que no tiene sentido. Tu eres un mujercita muy sensitivo pero es muy jovensita y tienes una vida muy grande de frente de ti. No se si sabes que este "carta" es para ti pero almejor que si. Me dejistes algo que me soprendo mucho hoy pero no soy enojada. Quiero decir que soy asustada un poco. Jaja, hay unas tiempos que hagas muchas cosas que me sustan porque tengo miedo de que vas hacer algo que te lastimes. Alomejor tengo menos fe en ti que yo digo que tengo. No me gusta eso. Pero tienes que entender que tienes que controlarte y pensar en que estas haciendo. Me das pendiente mucho del tiempo. Pues, alomejor tengo mucho miedo. Pero no te quiero perder. Eres alomejor el mas mejor amiga que yo tenia. Y como dije antes, te amo como un hermana y SIEMPRE voy quedarme aqui para ti y para me digas que anda en tus piensamentos. Y SIEMPRE voy a oirte. Cuidate. Con mucho amor, Pilar. .:EDIT:. It's my price for having a friend on "hard" mode. hehe

Well, I made an awesome update...but my computer is stupid and didnt' save the entry. So too bad for you people. Oh well....until next time. .:EDIT:. Only 2 more months left for school...I'm scared...

UPDATE! w00t! Click the link! .:EDIT:. Bad stuff: Spanish report due tomorrow...gotta sell those carwash presale tickets...english paper due tomorrow...must study for chemistry... Good stuff: Dad is at Camp Pendleton til Sunday...New Degrassi tomorrow...Stations of the Cross performance tomorrow...IT'S FRIDAY TOMORROW!!!

I think I'm falling into another addiction...but I don't consider it an addiction. I'll call it an investigation. Yeah, a study. Yeah, that's what I am. I'm a research student undergoing a new subject. I'm a looking into the study of scenesters. I made it up, a.k.a: sceneology. Yeah!!! w00t! Anyways, I'm just looking a bunch of scene kids and studying their ways. So what better place to look for it than the internet? I have found a lot of information....... ...that I already knew but that's not that point. The point is that it's funny and watching scenesters is funny. Cuz it's hilarious (& a bit sad) that these kids who sew their pants, cut their own hair and wear more make-up than that picasso clown primarily came from a scene that would beat you up if you dressed anything like that. That's the hardcore scene for you people that don't know. They started off by listening to some really good bands (e.c: Terror, Throwdown, Madball, etc.) and they are now listening to bands that sound like (and look like) crackhead women at a drunken club (e.c: Panic!at the disco, From First To Last, My American Heart, etc.) Oh boy...it's fascinating if you think about it. BUT!!! I have discovered a full-proof plan to know if someone's a scene kid or not. Cuz there are some scene kids that LOOK hardcore, but are not. So if that situation may come up, simply ask them if they can 2-step. If they say "no" or just don't know what that is, then that person is most probably a scenester. Oh well, ya know what may be even funnier. I will laugh my booty off when I discover that I myself turn out to be a scenester...LMAO!!! XD .:EDIT:. Next week at school = HELL!!! >eek!<

I had it....THE BEST 1ST CHAPTER I HAVE EVER WRITTEN!!!! I was about to post the 1st chapter to a story that I just came up with on here...and when I hit post...I lost it...ISN'T THAT A B!TCH?!?! I'm sticking to plain old paper from now on...blogs could just suck me for now. So I'ma try to write it now from memory. And now I can't find my story/quote book...so I'll just have to write it on my poem book...>sigh< later. .:EDIT:. I think I have laryangitis cuz my voice is somewhere else...I can't speak right. I hope I get it back soon... O.o

Whew...today was quite a day. This morning I woke up at 6:06 and my mom was like, "HURRY UP! YOU ONLY GOT 4 MINUTES TO GET READY!" Cuz I always leave the house for the bus at 6:10 so I woke up and I was BURNING UP!!! But I ignored it, so I went to the bathroom and on the way there my vision started to go black and I started to get dizzy and I started wobbling around and accidentally kicked my dog's food all over the place. When I got out the bathroom I started breathing really hard so I ignored that too...but when I got to my room, I couldn't see at all and I couldn't breathe and the next thing I know I wake up on the floor with my mom begging me to wake up. I got up and she told me to lay down and that I wasn't going to school today. I thought, "there is no way I'm missing school after I worked so hard on my research paper..." So I basically forced myself to go to school, Maria and Reyna gave me a ride. I had a really bad headache all day long. It was annoying, but again, I ignored that too. or at least I tried...At lunch today Natalie found a cute little black and red spider. I fell in love with it and picked it up and I named it Kevin Dubrow. I went to go let him go but when it was on the leaf of the bush it was walking away but then it turned around and looked at me with it's cute little blue eyes and so I told him to go but he just stood there. I extended my hand out for it and it hopped onto my hand, so I was like, "aww...he wants me..." So I had him for basically all of lunch until Moo made me let him go. Later, Jaclyn wrote me a story about Kevin... It may not have seemed like a big deal (probably cuz she let it go rather fast) but Natalie saw my wrist at lunch. Yes, you know I'm stupid. And what's even worse is that I'm so friggin' hypocritical when it comes to that. It kills the crap out of me but sometimes I just don't think at all and the next thing I know there are flowy red lines on my arms...So I guess I got another thing to pray for...I still think I'm stupid. But one thing I learned at faith formation was that God forgives you for no matter what sin you commit but you have to forgive yourself...That's what I haven't done...I haven't forgave myself for what I've done in the past. But dude, if you were me, I mean, I bet you wouldn't forgive yourself either. I'm pretty sure I've committed a mortal sin, and I am DEEPLY terrified of that. I have been so scared/ashamed of that, that I haven't been able to confess it...but now here's the perfect time. Monday there's a confession session (hey, that rhymed. haha) or something at church, so I'm gonna go to confession and I'm gonna tell that priest EVERYTHING! I've been praying for it so let's just hope God gives me the strength to tell it. .:EDIT:. Party's tomorrow...so far it sounds like it's gonna be pretty good. Moo can't go though...he has to go with his family to Mission Viejo...Jaclyn's sleeping over (Chloe most probably is as well) so I won't be able to go to the soup kitchen with Angie and everyone on Sunday. But if Chloe sleeps over, then she could come to Praise Night with me and she could get her brick! Haha.

So today was pretty much a good day. There have been some goods and some bads. I managed to get my work done in all my classes. So that's pretty good. The work was pretty much low, there wasn't much work to do at school. I came home and saw that my parents weren't home and both the cars were in the driveway...that was pretty peculiar because how could they go anywhere if they didn't take the van (since the Altima is pretty much dead). So I was just like, "whatever" and did some chores then got on my homework. I did my math and history and took a little rest before finishing up my research paper. My brother came home and it was pretty much 4 and still no sign of my parents. My brother took a nap and so did I after I hung up with Chloe. I fell asleep for like half an hour and then got a call from my mom saying that she was in Tijuana with my dad and neighbor, that they were running an errand. So I was relieved to know where they were. I washed the dishes and finished up my paper. I AM SO FRICKIN' RELIEVED!!! That paper was driving me nuts all week and now that I finished, I can finally breathe. Cuz that's pretty much all that I needed to worry about this week. Tomorrow is gonna be a breeze. I got a lecture in chem, turn in papers in history, watch a movie in spanish, fool around in band, do math in math, and finish reading my book in english. Pretty easy day. Plus, if Jaclyn finds her game boy I'ma whup her butt at Pokemon! hahaha. I'm pissed though cuz I just finished trading a lapras from blue version to red version (I needed a water pokemon even though I beat Brock)and after I finished trading I just turned off the game boy thinking that it would keep it's point from where I last saved it. But then I turned it on individually and all it said was "New Game". I was like, "aww hellz nah!" So now I gotta start all over from both games!!! >.sighsigh< So yeah. It's gonna be the start of a good weekend, I dun care if we don't do anything for my birthday, cuz I get to serve on my birthday (awesome present) and I gots Praise Night on Sunday so it's all good. So yeah, g'night everyone and respect yo' couch. .:EDIT:. Haha, so Moo and Maria were supposed to go to a Circle Takes The Square show today. So I was like, "yeah, have fun Moo!" But then I checked my cell phone and got 2 texts from him. I texted him asking if he was at the show. He replied and told me that they weren't able to make it cuz they got a flat tire on the way there...what dumb luck eh? That really sucks. And I heard that that was gonna be a good show. Oh well...some other time eh?

Well, there's been a bunch of changes going down this week. There wasn't any practice tonight nor we'll be going to the band competition in Temecula on Thursday because Nahum's dad died. The service is Thursday and Paulcivic is gonna be attending so that's why we're not going. I dunno if I'ma attend, although I didn't know his dad that well, my mom did...so I dunno. Anyways, that's pretty much the only change that went on. It's not a lot (just 1, hehe) but for me it was a pretty big change...my paper on JP2 is still due Friday though, but now I'm relieved cuz I have all of Thursday night to work on it. I already got 2 pages typed up so I figured do 2 pages every night and it should be a breeze. Tomorrow is church. ^-^ Haha, I just get so happy when I gots to go to church, meh...reflex. I love it there! Welp, hopefully, my week will go well, I just need to finish that darn paper and I'm home free...almost. Ok. Peace and respect yo' couch. .:EDIT:. So yesterday Natalie let me borrow Blindside's album "A Thought Crushed My Mind"...I burned it and put it on my iPod. I listened to it today and I didn't really like it. But I've noticed that when it comes to Blindside, I listen to their CD first and don't like it but then I end up having a craving for that CD. Well, during 5th period, I listened to the last track, Always. The violin in there and the melody and the lyrics were so beautiful. I got really into the song and I just ended up crying during the song. Wow, that song really touched me. It was freaky-deaky yo...but now I love that CD! Thanks to that song!

AHHH!!! Help. I am willing to pay anyone 20 dollahs if they could write me a 5 page report by Friday in MLA format. Meh, I mean, I bet I could do it but the MLA format scares me and I'm probably too lazy. I mean, it shouldn't be that hard, I picked a rather easy subject to write it on. I chose the death of Pope John Paul II. And I SHOULD know this stuff (with me being a Catholic and all) but I am coming up with a couple of blanks. I'm talking about MAX research sessions and a total ALL-NIGHTER Thursday night. It's gonna kill me too cuz Thursday I have to go to the band festival down in Temecula and we don't get back to school til like, 10:30. And by the time I get back to school, change out of my uniform, get home and start homework, it'd be like, 11:15 or so. So I'm really really scared now. I'ma pray, and I hope you children pray for me too...I'ma seriously need. Peace out nukkas and respect yo' couch. .:EDIT:. Brown outs galore and CD burning mania is going down in the Villegas house. 3 techno CDs and a Blindside album. I think it shall all go well. I hope the candy lab tomorrow goes well too. Saturday's my b-day, meh, that's not much to worry about but at the same time it is. Haha, gosh, it's hilarious how the birthday countdown is the hardest week so far of the year.

Please forgive me Lord for what I've done, and for what I am going to do... .:EDIT:. Hit a pillow instead...you'll understand.

Oh yeah!!! Check it out! It's awesome...sorta. Click here to view! .:EDIT:. Argh...I gotta find a way to go pick up Chloe now cuz Moo is gonna go with Maria to get tickets to the Circle Takes The Square show next week. So I'll have to battle it out with my mom. I can't right now cuz my parents have been in LA and won't come back until around 10 or 11. >sigh< what to do...

Not much to say about today. Which pretty much condescends the whole meaning of this entry. Haha, but I feel like writing anyway. I didn't realize how stoked I was about my math class until today. Because yesterday at open house, Van Geisen told my dad that I got a 92 on my math test last week. I thought I did pretty bad on that, but I aced it! Yeah!!! I'm actually getting this stuff! But I'm really bummed out about it cuz if I'm doing this well, why didn't I just do this well in Collins' class? I mean, I still talk in class and everything but I'm doing so much better. Oh well, I'll live...just a semester behind in my math classes. English class. It sucks cuz during math I think to myself, "it's almost 2:40, I'm nearly home free!" and then I realize that I have to go to my english class and i'm like, "crap...this sucks." I'm stuck with the racist teacher. She doesn't like the mexicans or blacks in the class and that's like basically 80% of the class. We've been doing some group work in that class while reading that book, "A Place Where The Sea Remembers". It's an alright book. Nice and Mexican (a rather ironic selection by a racist teacher). So I basically have to do all the work because my partner Leo can barely write in english let alone read that fast. So I read chapter 7 ahead of time and basically got everything just in time for the bell. I have no complaints or regrets about being partners with Leo. Except for the group that's located near us. Contains a group of "acne-ridden outcasts" (aka nerds...but I'm not one to stereotype) and they're alright. But HOLY CRAP!!! DON'T THEY EVER TALK ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN SEX?!?! Every single day when we get in our groups you hear the words "penis", "cooch" and "lube" and wierd sounds coming from them. I started telling them to refrain from their horniness and the whole class basically was like, "OMG!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH PILAR!!!" But they kept going...that is until Cuttineau broke them up today. Thank goodness. Friday is Battle of the Bands. I'm so looking forward to it. Plus, Chloe is most probably gonna come with me and then sleep over that night. So it'll be cool. She's gonna have to bring Quinn (her fake asian baby) though. Oh well, then we'll both wake up in the middle of the night to it's crying. Yay! ^-^ Since Chloe doesn't have a ride over here on Friday, then Moo said that after school Friday we'd go over there and pick her up. Yay, adventure in Moo's car. Haha, excitement and scariness at the same time. Hahaha. It'll be fun. .:EDIT:. I had that burger from Carl's Jr. yesterday. I felt full up until 3rd period today. My dad picked up store brand pizza today (yeah, I'm ghetto fabulous like that) before they picked me up from church. Oh! I was a group leader at church today! I like the power >:D! Haha, just kidding. But yeah, now I feel all full again and I bet I'm gonna stay full til 3rd period again. Gosh, I made a resume in spanish just now. Hard stuff, and all this for spanish class...oh well, at least I'ma get a grade.

"My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why so far from my call for help, from my cries of anguish? My God, I call by day, but you do not answer; by night, but I have no relief. Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the glory of Israel. In you our ancestors trusted; they trusted you and rescued them. To you they cried out and they escaped; in you they trusted and were not disappointed. But I am a worm, hardly human, scorned by everyone, despised by the people. All who see me mock me; they curl their lips and jeer; they shake their heads at me: "You relied on the Lord - let him deliver you; if he loves you, let him rescue you." Yet you drew me forth from the womb, made me safe at my mother's breast. Upon you I was thrust from the womb; since birth you are my God. Do not stay far from me, for trouble is near, and there is no one to help. Many bulls surround me; fierce bulls of Bashan encircle me. They open their mouths against me, lions that rend and roar. Like water my life drains away; all my bones grow soft. My heart has become like wax, it melts away within me. As dry as a potsherd is my throat; my tongue sticks to my palate; you lay me in the dust of death. Many dogs surround me; a pack of evildoers closes in on me. So wasted are my hands and feet that I can count all my bones. They stare at me and gloat; they divide my garments among them; for my clothing they cast lots. But you, Lord, do not stay far off; my strength, come quickly to help me. Deliver me from the sword, my forlorn life from the teeth of the dog. Save me from the lion's mouth my poor life from the horns of wild bulls." -Psalm 22:1-22 Yeah...well, after today I feel a lot better. I've been feeling really enraged lately and I felt like hitting the crap outta things cuz I am extremely mad at myself. I made a uber-long entry last night telling the ENTIRE story about why I was so mad. Oh well, you missed it...damn my computer. Heh, well, yeah. I'll talk to you children later. .:EDIT:. Tomorrow is March 14!!! THE NEW FLEE THE SEEN CD COMES OUT TOMORROW!!! I'm so excited. I really wanna go to the mall cuz if I get the CD tomorrow at Hot Topic, I get a free shirt too! Argh, I wanna go with Moo but I dunno if my parents will let me go. Plus, I gotta go to open house at school tomorrow and I gotta be there by 5:30. I gotta think. And my throat hurts and I dunno why. O.O;