I am dreading this weekend, it has the potential to be great but at the same time it has the potential to be a comeplete travesty on my part... if we get report cards before Thursday i'm screwed and that's just going to put me in an even worse mood... I'm pissed off at no one in particular, just myself i guess, i woke up with cuts on my wrist the other day, that pisses me off, it means that i'm losing control again... i think i freaked out barry and brandi too, i had another one of those days where i remember something important or where it just feels like something happened, like maybe an anniversary of something horrible, idk... I'm not feeling so hot today either... *sigh* I just want to hang out with my friends and forget about all of this stupid shit that keeps clouding my mind, like all of this college shit, i don't want to think about college right now, i'm already flip-flopping on majors and i haven't even started yet, not to mention that i just did a complete 180 on myself and have to make up for a whole bunch of lost time... I'm starting to hate myself again... there's nothing wrong with that, i have every reason to, i know what i've done... i just feel bad for those who i've promised "De Si Pue Te", i just wished that Barry wouldn't have made me promise that i wouldn't hurt myself or cut myself or whatever, i don't think he realizes that i can't control it, that i just woke up and it was there, that i really didn't mean it... ... Evereyone's a little out of sorts today, I guess it's just because there is a cold going around, so everyone's a bit sick and then it's also just a pretty depressing day overall... I forgot my book at school, so i won't be reading chapter 5, actually, i think i may have already read it, i'm not sure, i don't care... and then i have to do that vocab essay thing for that class too... and the teacher actually asked me if i wanted more work to do in that class... that only reason that my grade isn't beyond perfect is because i didn't write one of the essays... that's right, a zero on an essay and my average is still a 96... you would think i'd be happy, if only that grade could carry over to the other classes that i have, like economics that i'm failing... i'm starting to think that maybe it's just Mr. Anderson, i didn't do well in his U.S. History class and now i'm not doing well in economics, yet i find both subjects rather fascinating... yes, i know, I'm a loser, but still... *sigh* oh well, it's too late to switch out so i guess i'm stuck where i am which sucks because apparently colleges are going to be looking at this quarters grades... at least i think i've finally figured out my schedule for next semester, Barry told me to take Conservation B block, so i guess i will, besides, i think it's suppose to be an easy course and that's exactly what i want... *sigh* that'll be cool, i can't wait for next semester... oh well, too bad it seems so far off... (you know, i say that now, but the time will probably pass by rather quickly in the end... actually, if i get grounded...)... Oh well, next semester will be sweet, totally easy and no gym, i can't take gym, or if i do, i guess i'll be skipping out of CAD, i don't know what i'll take with it though... oh well, i'll worry about that later, there's enough swarming my head right now anyways...