I'm kind of out of it right now... I've been thinking too much and that's never good... My friends are the only people who ever save me and half the time they don't even know how much they mean to me and how much they've really helped me and i regret never telling them how much i care and how crapppy a friend i can sometimes be... *sigh* I want love... i haven't had anyone who actually cares about me for a while, my friends do i guess, but i mean really care about me and how i am and everything... mamom used to ask me all of the time what i was thinking and how i was feeling... life was easy back then, i was always 'making the best of everything... trying my hardest' never getting anywhere, though i usually left that part out... I just need to scream at the top of my lungs and dance around stupidly in the rain and cry out all of my sorrows and... i need to someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me that everything is alright and that they'll always be there to keep me safe... I need more than i could ever possibly have an that's what makes me so useless, so completely and utterly useless... Oh well, i just needed to vent a bit... i'm just out of sorts and no one is here to help bring me back into sorts, if that's even possible... I miss everyone that i held so dear and lost, i miss the life that i used to have when everything was okay and everyone that i cared for was still there... i even miss the life right after all of the shit happened, when my life was based on apathy and it was easy to forget how reall people are and how compassionate the world can actually be... it seems so huge sometimes, so cold and cruel and yet even when there appears to be no hope at all and help isn't comming... even when you're alone in the dark and doom seems imminent there will always be the one sure thing, the one constant, the cool earth beneath you, somtimes warm and sometimes ice but always there no matter how unsure your foooting, there will always be the refreshing water about you, even if you can't drink it, even if you don't know what is in it and you feel unsafe, at least the world is constant in the one most important aspect, it is always changing and so light appears and disappears in the darkest of places... there is always the hope for hope, the hope that the light will suddenly appear and everything will be ok again... Even in my darkest of times i could find humour to laugh at and people to care for and love and... something, anything to get me threw... It's slightly inspiiring when you think about it...