..during the course of my life i havent learned much really; ive just gone through it with a smile on my face as much as possible and made the best out of anything that came my way. no matter what i wouldnt hold grudges i let go of things faster than anyone that i know of.
but i stayed devestated for months- and i hated myself every minute that i was like that. I hated hating him. and i finally got sick of it i was so fed up with hating myself more than anything that i stopped holding it against him.
Ive made friends with both of them again.
and it feels; surprisingly awesome
fattys happy about it;
cause their bffs-
and now i dont make his life akward..
i think maybe it was my new blonde hair;; okay im just blaming it on my hair now. Because im not sure exactly WHAT fully changed my mind i was just like okay done. im done. and i was happy..
not that i wasnt happy with my boyfriend or my friends before but there was always that nagging at the back of my mind like nanannana you're going against everything you stand for--and now im not. and its good.
so now its just kind of like before, where were all friends-and sure its a little akward at times between us but nothing that makes me want to jump off a cliff, ya know??
it alll is falling into place.
IM OKAY
how good it feels to say that--it feels so relieving to not have to feel so terrible all the time for no reason, because i have every reason in the WORLD to be happy. its so good, oh so good.
however; my bff from another school district is mad at me because i didnt go see them.. and freaked out and made me feel terrible. i cant make everyone happy im realizing this. and no i dont think its okay it still makes me feel terrible when i make people mad or sad but how do you fix something that you dont think is broken? ya know..
i want to swing off into the sunset;
i want to swing and swing and never look back..
atreyus new cd is nothing less than amazing. id donate a kidney. liver. heart. lung. ribcage. spine. [insert any body part here] to meet them--they are my life. =]
♥
lets slow dance in biology again, sometime :P
xoxo
emily
and i'm proud of you for letting it go... it takes alot of balls to do it... ♥