i haven't been on here in soooooo fucking long. And idk why. but i almost forgot my password O.O lol. :P well just letting everyone know i'm still here :) lol

well like i'm bored.. and theres barely anyone online , i'm talking to melissa. But like none of you people know who she is lol. i met her on Vampirefreaks.com . all people that have never heard of the site join it if you love rock music lol. Thats probably most of you. But like yeah.. I cant wait till i go to RAW wooo!!!!Smallville is on tonite i gotta see this episode. i love that show my parents got me watching it. we always watch it together thursday night at 8. My headphones stoped working i have to share headphones with my sister!!My old ones pissed me off so much i threw them in the creek lmfao!So i'm buying me some new ones today. Me and my sister got chinese food yesterday, went to the bookstore, and got ice cream . i had this huge waffle cone with two huge scoops of cookie dough ice cream, YUMMY!! So like yeah i'm talk to melissia and katie. The thing is.. I love them both.. and its crazy. Cuz i dont know who to choose i have a slight idea because one of them lives in the UK!!! and the other in North Carolina. What should i do?!?!?! god i fall inlove so easy.. *slaps self* lol. well buh bye.. i'm talkin to peeps..!

HAHAHAHA i'm going to see all the awesome peoples at Raw on may 5th for my sisters b-day. Trish is like hot and so is lita.my faves are Kane , lita, trish , edge, and carlito lol. Thats not cool!! lol he's hella funny i love it lol. i'm gunna make a sign for carlito. I'm going to see my aunt on may 25th , i'll be gone for a week so i will miss you all Very much . i'll miss amber, kristin, my fool , my buddies morgan and nicole , and everyone else. My ex friend kept calling my house at 10pm and wouldn't say anything i'm gunna beat her fucking ass valerie will pay. I'm gunna call her today and cus her ass out. shes gotten me up to the point where i could seriously kill her. I'm in alot of shit right now i love 3 people . and i dont know what to do.. someone tell me what do i do?!?!?!

i cant believe i yelled at kristin i feel bad.. even though she promised not to break up with me.. i'm so heart-broken i was happy until she hurt me again.. i was inlove and i still am.. my feelings will never changed and i believe she doesn't wanna speak to me ever again... i wouldn't wanna talk to me either.. i'm such a bitch.. i think i'm bi-polar i seriously freak out to easy and get pissed to easy.. and then i start crying... I want to go see my Aunt but my mom doesn't know when i can go. i wanna go during spring break that sounds like a plan to me.I wanna see her so badly.. shes all depressed and Alone and i'm gunna make her laugh and we're gunna watch movies and be weird lol. I miss hanging out with her. i used to be at her house 24-7 . I cant believe this has all happened.. my uncle is gone... i still cant believe it... i never got to say goodbye... This all hurts becuz i believe i could have done something to stop this all. Like maybe call my uncle and talk to him. I'm gunna start calling my Aunt 4 - 5 days a week and maybe talk for about 10 minutes just to see how shes doing and all that junk.. but i really dont have much more to say so.. bye

{A} Afi, Atreyu, AcDc, Aiden, all american rejects, Aerosmith, As i lay dying, a perfect circle, arch enemy, Against all authority, Avril lavigne. {B} Blink182, Bleeding through, black sabbath, the birthday massacre, blindside, bad religion, brand new, Bayside, bury your dead. {C} Children of bodom, Cradle of filth, Cannibal corpse, chevelle, Comeback kid. {D} Disturbed, Dimmu borgir, Dope, Drowning pool. {E} Emery, Evanescence, Everytime i die. {F} FROM FIRST TO LAST, Funeral for a friend, fall out boy, from autumn to ashes, fear factory. {G} God forbid, Greenday, Godsmack, Glasseater, Good charlotte. {H} Hawthorne heights, Hollywood Undead. {I} ICP, It dies today, Ill~nino, In flames. {j} NONE {K} Kittie, KoRn, Killswitch engage, The killers. {L} Limp bizkit, LOST ALL FAITH, Lacuna coil, linkin park, Lynrd skynyrd, Lamb of god. {M} Marilyn manson, MxPx, Megadeth, mudvayne, my chemical romance, muderdolls, metallica, mushroomhead. {N} Nirvana. {o} The offspring. {p} Puddle of mudd. {Q} Queen. {R} Rammstein, Rancid, Remembering never. {S} Slipknot, Stonesour, System of a down, Superjoint ritual, Sublime, scary kids scaring kids, scars of tomorrow, spitalfield, silverstein, Seether, Sugarcult. {T} Trapt, Transplants. {U} UnderOath, Unearth, the Used.

Well i am no longer speaking to Ali anymore.. i went to the school today and she had the balls to come up to me and hug me! I said "dont even touch me".. and she just walked away... plus shes been talking hella shit about me. But who gives a fuck! alot of people say shit about me like.. dyke, lesbo , wannabe emo/goth..fuck em! them can die. they obviously have nothing better to do with there time then stop and say something about me or anyone. I'm still with David its goin on 7 months now. Since October 14th. i remember when i first met him he was so shy.:P and cute. I talked to him alot we were friends.. soon we became more then that, when he finally told me he's liked me since the 9th grade when he first saw me! I was like awww cute. i told him i liked him too and a week later we started going out. It started as a crush then grew to love. i love him . But i have some doubts about the relationship... cuz he wants to have sex.. but i'm not ready for that just yet... i might break up with him but its too hard he's so cute..he's sweet to me and everything.. but i think i just like girls now. Besides he met some hot guy and he likes him maybe they'll hook up. Me and David will still always be at least the best or friends. Well I talked to Kristin Lastnight.. i love her more than David.. she knows i love her and i believe she still loves me . But the distance is a huge issue when we get together.. i cant wait until i go and see her.. She lives hella far sometimes i wish she lived around the block lol. that would be kickass we'd be hanging out every fucking day .Plus we'd be together if she lived that close... I might see my Aunt soon. She wants me to come and see her.. it hurts me because shes alone.. I wanna make her happy and i want her to stay happy. We've have'nt seen eachother in hella fucking long.. toooooo long.. so long it depresses me... its been 4 years...I miss my uncle too.. i wish he was still around....

written by: Summer Song Title: I Live For Darkness verse 1: I walk in the night I have no fright I live for the night I love the dark I hate it when its bright it blinds my sight chorus: I live for darkness I've tried the holy ways the evil is within me I laugh at the brainwashed f*cks I sound really f*cked up don't I? verse 2: the evil is in me the sight of you I cannot bare I slit my wrist I don't care I hate it when its bright it blinds my sight *back to chorus* end: watch the blood run and hit the ground written by: Summer Song Title: Tell Me I'm Real verse 1: sometimes I just can't take it it makes me feel like shit I don't know why I'm always crying it probably started with your lying the worst place is in your eyes you're eyes are darker than the sky look into my eyes tell me why you lied chorus: please don't hurt me I can't take it look at me tell me that I'm real touch my face and indicate you love me verse 2: medicate me I just want to leave you won't let me be do I mean anything life is the worst it's cursed you make my life fall my sparkled eyes turn away *back to chorus* end: why did you lie? Written by: Summer Song Title: Forever Knife verse 1: I've been longing to hold you You know that I love you I want to show you how I feel I trust you with my soul you make me whole chorus: I look at my blood red scars it was the blade sharp and deadly but thanks to you the pain is gone the blades been gone never again will it bring me down verse 2: I used to feel so much pain until the day I met you then it went away you've changed me to this day you have my heart I'll hold you forever I'll make it all better.. *back to chorus* end: *whispers* please don't cry I'll never leave nor will I die I'll love you forever without a knife Written by: Summer Song Title: The Bullet verse 1: the way she said it made me get it it was over her mom made her but her mom can't change her I'm goin crazier what she did was stupid and I can prove this she's so stupid the smart s*it I did was stop loving that f**king b*tch chorus: cuz she's the bullet and I'm the target ya ya she's the bullet and I'm the target she shot my heart she didn't miss she's such a b*tch but I'm over it verse 2: if I ever saw her I'd break her jaw and throw her into walls til she feels the pain she gave she's the biggest w**re I've ever seen she needs to die * back to chorus* verse 3: I can't take her s*it it gets me pissed shes such a bore and a stupid w**re YA YA YA I'd rather hit her than be caught kissing her a s*ut who wears grody thongs up her a** * back to chorus * * chorus x2 * end: F*CK YA!

written by: Summer Song Title: Scars From The Broken Glass verse 1: I sit in the dark again It feel it's the end I cut my wrist I slit it deeply I'm alone and weeping someone heal me before I take my life chorus: scars from the broken glass haunt me forever I lose my breath save me from this place someone please love me verse 2: I've always been alone It's me and the glass I can't hold back I want someone to hold *back to chorus* verse 3: I want someone who can tell me everythings okay I want someone who will love me without shame *back to chorus* end: scars from the broken glass

I dont know why i cant stop crying lastnight and almost all of yesterday i cryed... Life is being a bitch to me. I feel like everythings falling apart and i can feel all the pain.I called my Aunt lastnight and i wanted to cry when she said i miss uncle Al. and i hate knowing shes alone ...I just wanna cut myself again but i cant do that. Then i'll feel stupid because i dont want any of my friends doing it. If i do it then they wont listen to me if i ask them to stop.Yesterday i layed on my bed in the dark , crying , holding myself wishing someone else could. There is only one person i would have let hug me or touch me but i'm not going to say who. Even though i want her to know.Plus i'm still inlove with her. More than anyone...

Most of the time i just hate life. it has no god damn meaning everyone asks themselves why the fuck am i here?Thats what i tell myself every fuckin day and no one tells me why. no one tells me why my uncle died when they told me he had 6 months and he died about 2 months later. I fucking Hate god he took my uncle, My cat, MY grandma i always was around and my aunt i never met. I hate you god dammit! Plus to add to that i have dreams that i get to see my Aunt i haven't seen in four years. She Probably wouldn't even know who i was. I'm like a stranger . when i finally see her she'll just look at me like i'm the devil or a demon . I love my family sometimes they annoy me. i always hung around my aunt and uncle. But if they saw me today they'd think i was a failure. I'M A FAILURE. i should just die. No one cares. Everyone says they do but i dont feel that way. i'm sick of having to live with this pain. Knowing you've lost so many loved ones tears you to pieces inside. iT PISSES me off when people think they have it bad. They should be happy they have anything.FUCK LIFE ITS A WASTE OF TIME.

Like i am bored but yeah. i'm just sitting here in the library listenin to a mix cd thinking about my whole life. like things with Hayleigh, Amber, Mail'e , Valerie w,and other Valerie.Turns out my ex Valerie wood broke me and her friend Valerie up because she was hella jelous of us being together plus shes still inlove with me. Her step dad gave Her a bloody lip for hanging out with me. He called me a dyke i am not a dike i'm with David and i am inlove with David hopefully we get married. Things are going great with him we've been together for 6 months. Thats my longest relationship with a guy. My longest relatioship with a girl was a year and 4 months. Thats a long ass time lol.

ME AND MAIL'E I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS. STEWIE<3

I feel like complete useless shit. Because i'm driving myself and everyone crazy. Kristin keeps saying she wants to die... she'll probably try to kill herself.. and its all my fault. If she dies i die. Because i'm one of the people making her feel that way because i'm so fucking selfish and stupid. I'm jelous of Jeff.. well i was . not as much as before... i'm such a selfish person because i dont want Kristin to be with someone else. i want her to be with me. But i know we cant be together no matter how much we love each other its obvious we're not meant to be. No matter how much we want to be together or not WE'RE NOT MEANT TO BE. I'm so lonely no matter how many people are around me. or how many people i date at once or whatever. I FEEL ALONe , and unwanted. The other day i was mad at my mom and told her i didn't care if she died and i said i wish i could be the one to kill her. I was selfish and stupid to say that.Then i yelled 3 times to her face that i want to die... i scared her. who knows what she thinks now. i love my mom and i dont want to scare her but i'm sure i've done it already. MANY TIMES.Plus i know there cant be a god all he's done is take people away from me and make my life a living hell. Someone pull the trigger against my head...

Fucking Kristin is getting on my fucking nerves i am sick of her i dont want anything to do with her. i Never said anything about the world revovling around me . honestly i dont give a fuck if anyone loves or cares for me. I've been feeling so alone and unloved for so long no matter how many people hug me or tell me they care. Well i talked to Valerie and me and her are going to the movies to see UltraViolet i dont wanna see it that bad i just wanna make-out with valerie and i'm gunna ask her out . i'm just gunna be friends with Ana . Cuz Ana is too far right now. When we move in a few years maybe things will change but i wanna be with Valerie now.I love YOU VALERIE!!! I'm supposed to hang out with David today he says he's going to rape me. We'll see babe. lol. he's so fucking sexy he got new hot topic pants i cant wait to see them. I love my sexy David . i'm with the sexiest people alive now!! yay I LOVE DAVID I LOVE VALERIE

From first to last silverstein rammstein slipknot afi acdc system of a down UnderOath My chemical romance Hollywood undead the used marilyn manson greenday yellowcard weezer kittie sugarcult all american rejects scars of tomorrow Hawthorne heights Aiden Scary kids scaring kids fall out boy Emery Linkin park Hoobastank Avril Sum41 Atreyu Story of the year Nirvana Blink182 Arch Enemy Cradle of filth The birthday massacre Korn Metallica In flames Fear Factory

I'm feeling annoyed because of fucking Kristin i dont think i love her anymore i'm kinda sick of her childish ways. i hung up on her today when she confessed to loving Jeff. Then she claims i pissed her off, and she hung up on me and that pissed me off. so i called back and she picked up and hung up on me again. i was soooooo fucking pissed i called back and then she sed you pissed me off and i gotta go cuz my dad is calling me. i was like just thinking "fuckin bitch". i'm getting so annoyed from her. I miss Ali... i cant stand us being just friends i love her so much. But i'm now with Ana. i love her the most and i want to marry her i'm supposed to be going to see her next weekend she lives 6 hours away and thats not that far of a trip me and my sister are gunna ride the greyhound bus to see Ana. we are gunna spend the whole weekend there i believe. David was gunna come over today but he was almost in Alameda already he lives to much fucking farther now!! he already was living far now he's too far. i'm so mad. i'm probably spending the weekend with my grandmother.Hopefully have some fun watching movies and stuff. Maybe she'll take me to the mall i need some more jeans and a shirt. maybe some socks. But like My best friend Morgan told me her friend Helen is interested to go out with me. i kinda like her friend as well. but i'm with Ana and i guess me and helen can just be friends cuz i love Ana so much. i had a dream that i met her i was so happy . i've had that dream so many times now i'm waiting until i finally get to feel that happy moment. i wanna make-out with Ana so badly!!!

My worst nightmare how come true i cannot see my gf anymore her parents found out about us.. i've been soo depressed all day. i went to my high school at lunch to visit David and friends. And i saw her walking towards me and i was thinking she was gunna come and talk to me. Then when she saw me she turned and walked the other way. I so sad... i've been starving myself all day i feel like picking up a blade.. but i cant.. i've been doing so good... and now all this.. i'm sooo sad i almost cryed when she turned away. She took my heart and ripped it into pieces.. i feel i'll never love again.. what am i gunna do??? i call her but she never answers her cell. my sister has to text her thats the only time she responds. Plus she got me sick from the other night. After that night i was happy until i found out bout her parents seeing the hickies all over her neck. she says she forgot it was there.. and put her hair up.. honestly i would never forget that huge fucking . But yeah i dont know what to do.. i'm inlove with her.. but cant have her... No matter what i'll love you forever even if you dont love me back...

Written by: Summer Song Title: Load, Aim, Shoot Load Aim Shoot! (guitar solo) 1st verse: I cry black tears I'm completely lost in my fear I just wish you heard my cries I was lost in all your lies The most dangerous place is your arms Thats where I got all my scars Chorus: I can't go on I need a cause Please tell me the truth but make sure you have proof if not just, Load Aim Shoot! you're still the same the very next day verse 2: I cannot look at your face your eyes are dark and evil my scars won't fade you haunt me everyday I'll never get away No I won'l let you USE me! You! stop f**king abusing me Don't play with my mind I'm no fool.... *back to chorus* end: just load....aim....Shoot.....

Written by: Summer Song Title: Forever Knife verse 1: I've been longing to hold you You know that I love you I want to show you how I feel I trust you with my soul you make me whole chorus: I look at my blood red scars it was the blade sharp and deadly but thanks to you the pain is gone the blades been gone never again will it bring me down verse 2: I used to feel so much pain until the day I met you then it went away you've changed me to this day you have my heart I'll hold you forever I'll make it all better.. *back to chorus* end: *whispers* please don't cry I'll never leave nor will I die I'll love you forever without a knife