a lot a lot. But seeing as how very few people will ever read this, I guess it doesn't matter. Last night was... pretty exciting. I didn't freak out, however, I also didn't smoke very much. I think it's when I got home that the excitement really began. Mysterious IM... I hope it happens again. It encouraged me to dance with him. I have to. I've been dancing all morning because I am re-discovering the joys of it. I really miss dancing. I guess this is my next creative journey. Dancing. Hmmm... I wonder what will be next. It's sort of exciting to always have a different creative outlet. But I still can't help wishing that I'll find one thing that really sticks forever and that I have a passion for. I think passion is one of the most beautiful things. When you see someone who has something that they really, really love, it just looks so good. I guess that's why so many people try to pretend that music is their life. Because it'd be a passion. And it's easy to pretend that you're in love with music. I wonder what percent of those people that say music is their lives actually are obsessed with music. I bet it's one of the smallest percentages ever. And does anyone realize that if music really was their lives, they would be really really obsessive (sort of scary) and probably not care much about things that many of us find to be important just because they care so much about music. Ughh I just hate people that try to claim something about themselves just to feel in. Music is not my life. It will never be my life. I will probably always love music and play music, but it will never be my life. I sort of envy people that can have one single thing that they completely adore. Something easilly stated, something that they know they love and always have loved. Something to give their life a sort of meaning. I know that I will probably never find something like that. Something that would satisfy me for so long like that. I think I might have trouble accepting the fact that I have to put a good amount of effort into something for it to give back to me. I give up on things quite quickly. Or I just get bored. Ughhhhhh. I'm sort of frustrated and all this entry has brought me to do is go play my guitar. I sort of feel bad for not playing it very much. Sorry, mr. geetar.