Dear Everyone, I am in Virginia currently, staying with a relative. She, unlike most of my other relatives has got a computer, so I will use my time wisely, since I wont be here too long…. People in my family are keeping things from me…I don’t know what it is, but there is something they just wont tell me….i have asked and asked, but they just wont open their mouths….I stay up and cry every night, praying that things get better….but the more I seem to pray, the worst things get. But, what hurts more than anything…is that I feel its going to change me, and bring me down….actually, it already has. Raven, my one true love, the person I care more for than anyone else in the world…is gone. And its all my fault…my stupid feelings got the best of me, and I let her go, afraid that my new self would do something to crush our relation ship for ever…and it has…now she wants nothing to do with me, not talk, to let her know how things are…nothing…but you know? I really cant blame her..not one bit, she has put up with my shit for so long, and now I go and do something like this….i hate myself..i hope I die…I have no one else to take care of me the way I need,,I blew it away, so now im worthless….i don’t believe my life is worth anything anymore…and so I will always believe…. Raven, if your reading this, I want you to know something….you will always be in my heart. I LOVE you soooooo much….the thought of not having you in my life is killing me….but there is nothing more I can do…forgive me for causing you pain, it is the last thing I ever wanted to do…hopefully you can move on, im sure you can…you are stronger than me..you really are…I am happy to have had you as a girlfriend, you changed my life….please never forget me, because I will never forget you…. So this is it, im not using sitdiary until I get back from my trip…back to Florida, back to the hell I call home….all I can do is the thing ive been doing all this time, hope things get better… Always, Charles I’ll never forget you…my love.