I had maybe the most meaningful conversation today, it lasted two minutes, and it was with a girl I have generally been avoiding for awhile, and she still talks to me and looks past all the crap I put her, and a lot of other people through. I can't word things right, and it causes people to get mad at me, and I normally can deal with it, because it normally only happens around people I really don't care about, but when it happens with a person you care about, and you really care about them, and all you wanted to know was if anything was wrong, and then they tell you to fuck off because you said something wrong, it hurts. August to November was probably the best part of this year, because nothing bad happened, and everything seemed great and wonderful, and it's amazing how fast things can go from being perfect to horrible withen the time frame of thirty-four hours. No one thing could ever be enough to ruin perfect, but after a couple things, it adds up, and perfect doesn't suddenly seem so wonderful anymore, and that's when you realize that you aren't perfect anymore, and your relationship is doomed, hopeless, and probably already over, and unless you are in love with someone, you aren't going to get past these roadblocks keeping you from happiness. Among the only people I think that really got past these cinderblock stop signs are my grandparents, my neighbor, and at one point, I had hoped Alex and I could. I don't doubt that we could now, but I think it would be harder to do it. And I don't worry that we won't because I have a feeling somewhere down the line eventually we are going to get caught back into this tangly mess, but we won't mess it up as bad as we did this time. When I say we, I really do mean just me, because Alex was perfect, she was the best girlfriend anyone could have, and I kept messing up. And I feel horrible because of that. I just thought I had to say that. and its obvious why i picked this diary to do it