You know what I hate about death? No, it’s not the dying; it’s the amount of importance and respect placed upon a person once they’re dead. That hurts me. Here lies a man, a man who annoyed everyone he ever came in contact with. You know, that sleazy office worker who continuously had sex with the Mexican cleaning lady in the supply cupboard, making ALL your paperclips sticky and unusable! The same guy that took the last bit of coffee in the pot without making a new one! The fat fuck that stole everyone else’s lunches in a daily rotation, throughout the work week, creating for himself, a never ending buffet of consumable diversity. He never admitted it, never apologised and was a complete dick. “Ooooh! Don’t say that! Show some respect for the dead!” Well, what the fuck for? All my life, I’ve wanted this guy to drop dead, and finally, HE DID! Now I can’t be happy about it? Screw that! This guy was a prick! And then, the eulogy! I hate these things, to me all it is, is a ten minute summary of an individual’s life, leaving out all the bad parts. Here’s an example “Today we lay to rest a man who loved his country and sought great things for his people, a man, both commanding and determined, a man whose vision was far reaching and influence many. Artistic and outspoken, he immediately grabbed attention of mankind worldwide. Today, we lay to rest Mr ADOLF HITLER.” Almost sounded like he was a good guy for a moment there didn’t it? I think an eulogy should be based on the truth! “Here lies some prick who was a murderous asshole, who also had self-esteem issues and was a mediocre artist at best. Here lies, Mr Adolf Hitler. May worms mill out his eyes and may Satan fuck him in the ass with a pitchfork.” You get a few eulogies like that thrust into the mix and you may actually get more people to attend these fucking lame ass boring, life training funerals, just an opinion, but I think most would agree. Rest In Peace, Fuckers.